Post # 1
I have tried to write this post three times and deleted what I had because I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts. Essentially I have my sister already confirmed to be my maid of honor. I need to make a decision about bridesmaids this week (because we set a date finally – yay!) and I need to either ask my friends to be bridesmaids or have a conversation to tell them they are not in the party. My problem is not about choosing amongst too many people. Its more that I don’t know if I feel close enough to my three friends to have them or what exactly kind of role they would be playing by being in my wedding.
I am just curious – how did you decide? What to you is the meaning of a bridesmaid? Does it have anything to do with you as a couple or is it more about you as a bride (I ask because my boyfriend is not too close with my friends). Why did you choose who you chose? Any regrets either way?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
We picked our closest friends — people we know would want to stand with us on our wedding day, would be willing to assist with projects and hear us vent throughout the planning process. If you have a larger group, maybe you could adopt the “house party” idea Mrs. Lemonade blogged about, or designate roles within the ceremony or reception for people?
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to tell the friends who won’t be in your bridal party that they won’t be in it. It’ll kind of be obvious once you start discussing the wedding with them.
I would say choose closest friends and family (like cousins/sister/sister-in-law) if they mean a lot to you.
Post # 5
Actually, the three friends I referenced I WILL have to tell them are not going to be in the party because they have made it obvious to me already that they DEFINITELY assume they are in it so I know they will be hurt if I don’t talk to them about it.
I don’t have cousins or anything like that. As I said its just these three girls or nobody.
Post # 6
I had just a maid of honor, though I would have liked to have more. My husband wanted a balanced party, and all he wanted was his brother as best man. So my rationale was to pick a friend who 1. I have a unique relationship with (ie, couldn’t be one of the group of my 4 best since-elementary-school friends or any of my roommates who always came in twos — there couldn’t be anyone else claiming that same type or level of relationship) 2. is close enough to be sister-like to me (I don’t have a sister or any cousins my own age) and 3. knew me and supported my personal growth both before and after my relationship with my fiance. That boiled it down very quickly to K, my MOH — we met in high school, and while I always saw other friends more than her, and had great relationships with many of my college roommates, K and I kept up an email correspondence as soon as I came to college, and she was the first one to know when I first had the fluttery, I-kinda-like-him feelings about my husband. She was always willing to talk about deeper things like faith and relationships and love with me, and was actually the first of my high school friends to meet my husband.
Post # 7
After siblings, which friends are the ones who you can pick up with right where you left off even if you haven’t seen them/talked to them in a long time? Also, if something serious happened in the middle of the night, who could you call to talk to about it (regardless of distance/whether of not they could come to where you are)? You might be surprised it’s not the people you see/talk to most often that are the ones who are your True Blue friends.
Post # 8
we’re having a very small wedding so i wanted a very small wedding party. plus, i’m always looking through my parents wedding album and my mom doesn’t speak to her bridesmaids anymore, as much as i love my friends now, i think it would be sad to go back in 30 years and not know my bridesmaids, so i thought it would be best to keep it in the family. my sister is my moh and my sil, who happens to be one of my good friends, is my bridesmaid. he has his brother for best man and my brother for groomsman. i also had to tell my friends that they weren’t going to be in it because my whole life we’ve assumed we were going to be in each others weddings. they weren’t offended at all though, since it’s a small wedding they understand. they’re actually just happy to make the invite list! and we still discuss the wedding all the time, it’s not like i don’t include them with things and they aren’t willing to be there for me just because i didn’t give them a title.
Post # 9
My MOH is my best guy friend who is best suited to keeping me calm and rational before I get married. He is a huge fan of our relationship and has been actively encouraging FI and myself the whole way. He’s a wonderful, helpful, selfless friend and will fuss over a wedding gown train forever!
Post # 10
We picked our closest friends, who knew both of us really well.
On his side that meant all friends, but on my side, I included my two sisters and my FI’s two sisters, plus two friends. I felt bad, there were definitely other girls I wish I could have included, but our sisters are super important to us to have because we’re all very close. Overall, it was pretty important to both of us that we felt like everybody on each side knew both of us well.
Post # 11
I picked my sister to be my MOH because we’re really close. We also decided to have a small wedding party, and so I have two BMs and my fiance has a best man (his brother) and a groomswoman.
I chose two of my cousins to be my BMs. We grew up together, and they’ve been my friends since I was a kid. We’re all very close, and I knew they supported my marriage, and know exactly the kind of person I am, and my overall style of doing things.
Post # 12
I picked my MOH for a few reasons: she’s been my best friend since early childhood, she knows when to be there for me and when to back off, she’s loves wedding details, and is a total go-getter in terms of helping me brainstorm and organize this wedding. Bonus: she’s an artist and is designing our invitations! My other bridesmaids are my older sisters, and my best friend from college. I asked my sisters because I think it’s important to have them standing up there with me, and my fourth bridesmaid was asked because she is incredibly supportive and was the woman I always went to with all the girly lovey-dovey details of my relationship with my FI.
I chose my bridal party based on love and support. I don’t really expect them to plan or organize things for me, it’s just a really nice bonus that my MOH and one of my big sisters are so eager to help, but that’s just their personality! I would still have them in my wedding party, even if they didn’t want to do wedding things for me.
I think in some ways my FI had a way easier time chosing his side: his younger brother is the best man (the facebook conversation went something like this: dude, will you be my best man? yeah, that’s awesome!), and his three best friends from his hometown are the groomsmen. Simple. Done.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown
Well I’m having three. The first is my big sister. She’s also my best friend. She’s my co-MOH. (I’ll explain the “co” in a minute.) Next I picked my closest friend here in Austin. I wanted someone to be able to be with me when visiting venues, trying on dresses etc. She also just got married last year so she’ll be a wealth of knowledge. She’s my other co-MOH. I’ve got two MOHs because my sister is thinking of being out of the country for almost the whole planning process and since I will be relying on another bridesmaid I wanted to give her a title that lived up to her role. My last bridesmaid is a good friend that I unfortunately don’t get to see often. She’s very crafty, dedicated and super excited that I’m getting married. I chose her because I know she will be supportive and keep my cheery whenever I need a boost!
I knew pretty instantly that these were the girls I wanted standing up with me on my wedding day. I would think about what each of your 3 friends can contribute to your special day. Either emotionally or with some other sort of help.
Post # 14
So many things went into deciding. I would like to say it came down to the people I want standing next to me, but then I would have a huge wedding party! I narrowed it down logistically. I based my decision on who I thought would actually enjoy helping me plan a wedding, loves DIY projects, won’t mind listening to nonstop wedding chatter and generally will be an irreplaceable resource and confidant. It’s a tough decision but one you shouldn’t regret.
Post # 15
I chose my closest friends that have always been there for me. I also chose friends that have had an impact on my relationship with my fiance.
Post # 16
I chose my two youngest sisters (one I didn’t want to choose but I knew she’d be crushed if I didn’t), my longest friend since college and my closest cousin. However, those I didn’t choose will still have roles in the wedding. Of my two oldest sisters, one is in charge of favors and the other, one of her daughters will be a flower girl while the other is in charge of the gift table. Then my other cousin will help me with planning while her daughter is a greeter.
I tried to make sure every had somerole so there weren’t hurt feelings. There are two friends who won’t be in the wedding and they don’t know that yet, I’m hoping it’ll be okay with them but my rationalization is, “I only had place for one friend so I chose the one I’ve been friends with longest.” I think anyone should be able to understand that.