Weddingbee boards

I've not yet been married a whole year, but I have to say it isn't always hard.  So far, it has been wonderful.  My first year of my first marriage was also very good...it was around year ten that things fell apart...

However, there are certainly adjustments to make the first year.   Maybe some people find the compromises more difficult than do others.  The more independent you have been before the wedding, the bigger an adjusment you may have.  For example, my husband has to TRY to remember to tell me things.  He is used to being on his own and keeping things to himself, so it's a bit of an effort for him -- but he's happy to do it.

The one big adjusment I do recall is after the first argument we had as a married couple, it really hit me that we HAD to make up.  There is no saying, "That's it, I'm done." once you are married.,.unless you are willing to divorce.  Even though you know that going into it, it can be a bit of a revelation when that feeling hits you.

It's been three months, and so far, it has been a breeze.  It helps that we've lived together for 3 years, so we've already dealt with that and splitting holidays and making a budget, etc.  It really doesn't feel like anything has changed.

Well, I have only been married for two days now, but I don't think our first year of marriage is going to be harder or easier than any other year.

I say this because FI and I dated for 3.5 years, lived together for 2.5 years and have been though some tough stuff together. Something happened to my FI in June that may be the toughest thing we ever have to work through ever so I am not expecting the first year to be really tough. It's not always perfect between us, but we love each other and are always willing to work on the tough things.

Not sure how everyone else views the first year of marriage, but this is my perspective. :)

I've been married for 4 months, and in that time we've bought our first home, moved, spent 6 weeks living with my in-laws, and got pregnant. But I wouldn't say it's been hard. The hormones from pregnancy are tough, as well as the nausea because i'm not "in the mood" very often, so that has decreased. But mostly, DH and I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to take these next steps in our life together. Also, I think it's almost easier being married than dating. Before that, there was always the chance that one of us could end things. We both felt that being engaged was a huge committment, but the legality of marriage and our mutual feelings of never giving up and never getting divorced make both of us MORE likely to say we're sorry or give in instead of being stubborn and upset, because we know we'll be giving in eventually since leaving is not an option at all anymore. So why be mad longer? It's a really good feeling for both of us.

3 major life changes=major stress.  Within a year, we got married, bought a house, moved in together and started having sex, plus we have had major job stress with FH's job and possibly moving across country when I can't move (job), we have both had some health issues (not super serious), and between the two of us, work 130-140 hours a week.  It has been challenging, but we're both getting better at this.  I commented to FH about how much we had improved, and he said the biggest strength of our relationship is that we keep working on our stuff.  For us the biggest things were going from living by ourselves to living with someone else, and remembering that every decision impacts the other one.  Scheduling is still a big challenge for us- I am a planner, he is not, and it's hard to know when to schedule dinners with friends vs. time together.  Everyone says and I believe it's true- it gets easier with time.

@star: I agree that being married is less stressful than being engaged.  When you're engaged, you're in this weird limbo- downsides of being married without the upsides, plus you're having to plan a wedding and deal with family drama, budgets, etc. 

Our engagement was crazy- part of what I listed happened while we were engaged, and we planned our wedding in four months- a lot more stressful, but then we were able to get married sooner, which made it all worth it.

@1littlep: It's okay if you are having a rough time. I think in any period of life you will have up days and down times. It's probably easy for people to look back and either say, "our first year of marriage was wonderful!" or "it was so hard!" depending on which days they are remembering. My mom keeps telling me how fun it was to set up their new apartment when they first got married, and doesn't get why I don't think unpacking is fun.

As far as nagging goes, I get what you mean! I worry about getting annoying, but sometimes, you just really want something done. I don't know if you've read the 5 Love Languages, but it mentions that. It says, generally, if you've already asked your husband to do something a few times, he knows he needs to do it. But people don't like doing something unless they are feeling loved, so instead of continuing to ask, try doing something in their "love language", that is, gifts, words of affirmation, touch, quality time, or acts of service. 

I wouldn't say our first month of marriage has been "newlywed bliss." We both are in grad/law school, so I'm getting used to not working and going back to school, we're moving into a new place, we're trying to figure out a new budget, etc. Don't feel pressured to have this super-wonderful honeymoon stage, just enjoy the good days when they come!

I think it has a lot to do with wether or not you live with someone. We moved away from home together for my husband's school a year before we married and obviously started living together. That 1st year was tough because he was busy and stressed and i felt lonely! We no longer had our friends and family any where close to us - not even driving distance, we had time and money stresses etc. We tease that we already lived our 1st year of marriage lol

We learned and are still learning to give each other space when we need it, find time and make the most of it with family, working out budgeting money together, make decisions together, not fighting about small things, watching what we say and how we say things to each other and more! That last one was a big one for us-- sometimes we don't think about how other people interpret our words and attitude.

I think the best of advice that a lot of people gave us actually was "It's not about you anymore- it's about your spouse." I think thats important because you have to put them 1st, and they have to put you 1st. 

We haven't been married that long but so far it's been wonderful! We've lived together for almost a year before we got engaged and so this year will be our 2-yr mark. We've been friends since 2005 so we've known about each other's quirks, yet there was definitely a transition period when we first moved in together!!!

It's interesting reading all the responses - what I found most interesting is how a few Bees mentioned about feeling pressure about "making it work". I feel no pressure at all and hubs doesn't either. It's hard to describe, but for us, it's the love we're reassuring each other with, aside from the vow, we hope the other will continue feeling the way we do now. It sounds a little high schoolish now that I write it ... maybe it's only because we're newlyweds but ... it feels nice. Like no one's expecting anything, like it's a continual choice and not a role or obligation. I don't exactly know how it worked out this way for us. Perhaps my husband is just wonderful! But I can say that this feeling I have is nothing I've ever felt before, not in my first marriage anyway. I hope it stays.