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@mrsrowe: awww don't beat yourself up so much! I've never been a stay at home mom or wife, but I'm sure it's a lot harder than it seems! You are responsible for all the cleaning, child care during the day, and trying to fit some time for yourself in there.
Is there someone, family even, who lives nearby who could come watch the kids for a few hours? Even if you are still in the house, you would be amazed at how much more you can accomplish when there are no kids underfoot.
As far as keeping up with the cleaning, rather than becoming overwhelmed by" OMG I have to keep this entire house clean and I need to do it now!" try setting a schedule?
Like Monday is floors day. You mop and sweep the floors and that is the only thing that you MUST accomplish that day. If you get other stuff done then great, but you won't feel as overwhelmed if you don't.
As far as being disgusting and sweaty when your hubby gets home, seriously girl, don't worry about it. This isn't the 1950's where you need to put on your pearls and be perfect for when hubby gets home, real women sweat and are not always picture perfect! 10 minutes before he gets home, stop whatever you are doing, go run a comb through your hair, use a little smell good spray, and then just let it go. He won't care that your in houseclothes, he won't care that your makeup isn't perfectly done. He sounds like a supportive husband who will be just glad to see you and the kids.
Check out this website. It has some really great tips. http://www.flylady.net/
I haven't been in this exact position, but I will be in one similar for the next couple of years. I am going back to school for 3 years *sigh* to get yet another degree. It's a 40+ hour a week program (including the clinicals) and I really can't work unless I work weekends...and then I'm busy every single day of the week/year. FI doesn't want that. We don't have children, though we are about to be moving into our first house, we have two dogs, and our wedding is in 7 months, so things could change along the way.
I already feel like I'll be a mooch. He'll be working all the time and I'll be going to school. Yes, the program is intense. I'll probably also be grumpy, studying when I AM at home, and I definitely won't be able to clean and cook all the time. Hell, he'll probably leave after me and get home before me on most days anyways. But I already feel like it'll be my "job" to keep the house in running order because I won't be "working." I just wanted to share that a lot of us are in similar positions and it's weird that pull you have to be perfect for someone you know doesn't think you are. Haha. He's much more realistic about the situation.
How long have you been a SAHM for? Are you just transitioning now? How old are your children?
I'm not a SAHM so I don't speak from experience, but my sister is and I think the toughest part about it is the guilt and the separation from people. It is easy to have this great idea in your head about how things work, and sometimes its a tough pill to swallow when you realize 8 hours whips by even quicker in your own home raising children, cooking, and cleaning.
My biggest suggestion is to treat your SAHM responsibilities as a JOB. You should be getting up to an alarm clock each day, showering, and ready as if you were going to tackle the day in the office. If you like doing you hair and makeup you should make time each morning to do that to feel good about yourself.
Also, now task yourself with ways to SAVE money instead of spend it. Maybe begin clipping coupons, shop the bargains, maybe even organize a tag sale or sell unused items on EBAY to add to your family household income. I know technically you're not making money, but saving money does the same thing.
Most importantly, TALK to someone!! Come on the boards to blow of steam and give yourself a few moments here and there to calm down. Just cause your FI is the breadwinner doesn't mean he shouldn't be responsible for some chores. Now, he might not have to do everything he did before, but he should still be doing SOMETHING to contribute to the maintenance to your household besides just money.
Chin up girlfriend. This new job of yours will be as good as you make it. Fly lady is also awesome to get you into a routine!
I've been both and the key is organization, organization, organization! I had a day that I did laundry, a day to grocery shop, go to the bank, etc.. Pick one day to clean the bathroom and kitchen. Another to do the floors, etc. It's easier to keep up with if you do the same thing every day of the week. But your kids should come before cleaning no matter what. And don't cook every night. Try making a huge batch of something on Sunday that you can eat for several days that week.
I won't lie, I had help a few days a week and a housekeeper too but you can try and arrange some trades with other moms, where they take your kids and vice-versa so you can get some time to get stuff done. Or maybe they can go to day camp-there are lots that are very low cost, especially at colleges during the summer.
So much of housework and childcare is sheer drudgery so make sure you find some way (this is where your husband comes in:) to read, go to the movies, go shopping or out with friends. Otherwise, you will go insane.
@mrsrowe: Oh my gosh, I'm RIGHT there with you.
I'm trying to get into a nursing program right now. DH works full-time, and then some. Anywhere from 70-80 hours a week. But staying home right now for the summer (without going to school) is SO hard. I am going crazy. It's hard to be at home with a little one...and not have an adult to talk to. I try to get cleaning done, but I'm really depressed to be honest. I NEED adult interaction. Daily.
Yesterday was my breaking point...all week I have been at home, without a car (my car is having problems), I've been doing laundry but all of the house needs to be deep cleaned. I've been in my yoga pants...and I also feel gross and sweaty. I just can't find very much motivation to "wow" DH and put in the same amount of work that he does with his job...in at home, if that makes sense.
But as Kate mentioned above, I just started following the flylady baby steps about a week ago. FLY means finally loving yourself. So stop being so hard on yourself!
For me to start feeling better - I take a long shower. Then I clean for a few hours but I stop and go do something that I love to cheer me up. If it's getting a latte, or reading a book in the sun while the kiddo naps...just something little. Everyone needs that time. Also, at night when DH is home...I really find it important to talk to him, show affection, cuddle because I realize I actually really miss him when he's gone and just being with him cheers me up and reboot's me for the next day.
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I hope this doesn't stir any debate, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I just need someone to talk to! :(
My husband is supporting us so that I can finally pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. He works on commission, so it's a whole lot of stress for him to take on. I have offered to take on a weekend job, or even an evening job, but he's said no several times. If I work weekends, then he can't travel out of town. He works in the mortgage industry, and on the weekends every once in awhile they have auctions that help him boost the sales of his bank's foreclosure properties and bring in quick money for him.
Anyway, now that I've been home for the summer, I've been feeling really overwhelmed. He's never asked me to take on extra chores, but I feel like if I'm home.. then he shouldn't have to split chores like he used to. He used to do tubs/toilets/hardwoods/adult laundry/cooking 2-3 nights a week, but I've taken it all on.
But I feel like it is coming at a price. I had this image in my head of a stay-at-home mom.. I would bake, there would never be any dust, dinner would be meat and veggies every night and ready when he walked in the door, I would still somehow manage to take a shower and look hot, and the kids would be perfectly happy.. we would go on fun outings and adventures and would be having the time of their lives.
But I just can't do it all and I'm feeling like I have to make sacrifices where I don't want to! :( And I just end up feeling like I'm failing all over the place. Dinner has been on the table every night.. but it's not always ready when he gets home. My wood floors are so disgusting I'm embarrassed, the dust-oh the dust, the kids aren't getting out every day to do something fun, I'm definately sweaty and gross when he gets home, and I haven't had "me" time in so long I could cry.
So how do you do it? And what makes you feel like a good sahm, or housewife?
I checked into getting a cleaning service, and they want $115/every other week, which we just can't do. I almost feel like if I have a job.. I wouldn't feel so obligated to be so perfect, kwim? I just am starting to feel like a worthless mooch that can't seem to get anything right. Please tell me someone can relate. :(