What makes you think you guys will make it?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think our generation will lower any divorce rates…I am 28 and a lot of the people I know who married 18-22 are already divorced.

I feel pretty confident that we will have a lasting marriage, however. We’ve been together 6 years now, work through disagreements with respect, and regularly talk about money and long-term goals. The things that life has thrown at us (unemployment, illness, family issues, etc) have only helped us work better together. I don’t know what life will bring, but I think we each have strengths that complement each other.

Post # 3
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

There are many reasons why I am positive that we will last forever. First of all we met later in life when we both had our lives figured out. We have the same long term goals, the same opinions on how to raise our child (hopefully children), we are both dedicated/hard workers who are very committed to our families (and each others families), we have most of the same interests that we enjoy doing together, but also have individual interests. Umm..we agree on how to save/spend money most of the time. Most of all though we are both honest, loyal people who laugh together everday. We just “get” each other!

Post # 4
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Based on our stats, we are in a group with a good success rate.  We’ll be almost 30 when we marry, we both have advanced degrees, and we’re from similar backgrounds. But what makes me know we’ll last forever is that we’ve chosen to be together through more long-distance than most couples could bear. Our relationship is not at all one of convenience, so knowing that we could have just given up in order to be with people who were physically near but didn’t gives me so much confidence in our relationship lasting. The distance has meant our relationship was never easy, so we know that relationships take work. We’ve also become amazing communicators, which is key.<br />

Now, for the less logical stuff.  We are truly best friends and so comfortable and secure around each other.  We support each other’s goals 100%.  We have the same sense of humor, which is really dry and can make other people uncomfortable. He’s accepted that our house will eventually turn into a zoo because I’m such an animal lover.  We can communicate entire thoughts and feelings by just saying, “Mer.” We’ve been together for almost 7 years, yet we’re still discovering new things to love about each other.

Post # 6
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We’ll make it because not making it is not an option. If it were, then there would be no point in marrying. There are very few things that would make me consider divorce. Apart from those few things, he would have to divorce me or kill me.

If your definition of making it is being happy and feeling in love for the rest of our lives and not just staying married, then I have no idea. FI doesn’t like it when I say this, but I fully believe that there will come a day when we are miserable and full of resentment and unable to feel love. I’ve heard people say in interviews that the secret to a long marriage is never wanting to divorce at the same time. I guess you could say I see it a bit like that.

It’s possible that my parents’ marriage may have screwed me up a bit. Lol.

 

Post # 7
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

We have been together for seven years, and rarely do we ever fight about huge issues. I feel like we are on the same page, and both of us are in our 30’s and well established in our careers with a great financial situation. (not the case when we first met/started dating) I feel like I’ve had the time to be young and enjoy my life and not have to worry about an obligation to another person. But now that I’m older, I’m ready and I think that’s what it came down to is both of us being fully ready. 

Beyond that, my fiance and I were raised in similar families and have the general same outlook on life. I’ve found that I have better relationships with people I am more like minded with. The “opposites attract” theory doesn’t work for me. My fiance is a good guy. We’ve been in each others lives for a long time now, and have seen each other through extremely difficult times. I already feel married to him, we’re just waiting to make it official. I can’t predict that we will always feel this way, or that our marriage will last forever, but my goal is to just take it one day at a time. I love him dearly, and have never felt this way about anyone before so I will fight for our relationship all the way to the end if nothing else. 

Post # 8
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

MsW-to-MrsM:  if you don’t mind me asking, why are you choosing to marry if you feel that way? Genuine question, no disrespect intended. I haven’t heard that perspective before from people who are married/plan to get married, only those who are against the institution itself.

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dialysate: I heard a line in a book or movie once that went something like this, “Space between two people in a marriage is filled up by all the things you cannot or will not say.” I think it’s very hard to avoid filling up that space over the span of decades, no matter who you are or what you believe. I think marriage is a beautiful thing that also requires a serious amount of resignation. There are older couples wandering around the grocery store holding hands, and I can see that in our future, but I think love throughout a lifetime will be in a constant state of ebb and flow.

I hope that I will always recognize that I cannot change my FI, but that I can always work on myself, and I hope to always remember that a vow is not dependent on how I feel on a given day or even in a given year. I do highly value and desire marriage despite seeming a bit dark on the subject. I also have a religious background that affects my beliefs on divorce and marriage.

Ultimately, I just can’t imagine everything that goes into a marriage of many decades. I don’t have that experience yet. 8 years ago, I couldn’t have imagined what it would be like to be with someone for 8 years. I just know he’s the one I choose to commit to experiencing it with, for good or bad.

Post # 11
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

nessdawwg:  I got married at 20, looking back now, I never really thought we would stay married.

 

Now, that said, I do not only “think” my FI and I will make it, I KNOW we will. Part of it is faith based. We both believe we are the ones that God made for the other. Maturity helps a lot. Some people are mature in their early 20’s, some are not. We are! We also know it will take work. You can not just love someone and hope it works, you have to make it work. It shouldn’t be too hard, but it will take work. I know that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

nessdawwg:  FI and I have been together for over 5 years now, and have lived together for 4 years. We did long distance for 2 years as well, and now live together full time again.

The main thing we notice that our relationship has, and other failed relationships don’t, is respect. We ask eachother before we make plans, we’re open about money and spending, we don’t call eachother names if we fight, we believe in eachothers hopes and ambitions for the future, etc. We’ve also been pretty open with our plans for the future when it comes to kids and buying a house, and neither of us follow any type of religion.

Also, to date, our sex life is as good as its always been since we first started dating. If there ever was a “lull” we talked about it, and did what we could to get out of it. We also tell eachother everything, and don’t keep secrets, that helps with trust a ton.

Post # 14
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

nessdawwg:  Of course I can’t see in the future, while I hope we will grow old together, I must say part of the reason why we’re getting married in the first place is to have a legal protection in case we break up. Or one of us dies or has an accident. In other words, more than the romantic aspect of it, FI and I knew early in our relationship that we wanted to build something together in the near future, but we felt it was more risky to do so as common-laws. We could have signed common-law contracts,  but at this point, we thought we should just get married. And that’s how it all started.

Now of course we’ll take the opportunity to celebrate our love and desire to be together, hopefully forever. I don’t know if we will make it, but I feel we will. We’re a bit older and know ourselves better as adults, from previous relationships as well ; we have the same goals in life, which is important to make a relationship last ; our personalities complement each other very well; we both have parents who are married 35+ years (so we both believe it’s possible to make it work through time). We barely ever fight, we agreed we would have a drama-free relationship because that’s something we both wanted for our happiness’ sake, but we do not avoid conflict, we just resolve issues before they turn into actual conflicts. I think this makes us a strong couple and a good team. Of course, nothing I’ve just said will ever garantee our relationship will resist over time, but these are the reasons why I feel, today, that our marriage has a chance of lasting decades. 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

nessdawwg:  You are right. I also love the feeling I get when he does something to make me fall in love with him all over again. You can let the distance in your relationship seperate you and tear you apart or you can embrace and come up with new ways to reinvent yourselves and the relationship. It is why people who give marriage advice say you should never stop dating each other.

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