Post # 1
I need help, I wanted to have some of my friends as bridesmaid but my boyfriend decided that I have to have his sister if I am which I did. Now I asked him if I could have a wedding photo done of me with my friends who are bridesmaid and he’s decided I’m being completely unreasonable because his sister won’t be in it even though it’s just for my friends, I don’t really see the problem because it’s not like his sister will be completely excluded from all the photos but anyway that’s not the only problem, now I’ve completely caved in and told him that she can basically do what she likes, the rest of us will go shoe shopping so they can have matching shoes and we’ll go get our nails done and stuff and she can come if she wants, but he thinks I’m being even more unreasonable because I’m acting like it’s a burden, but it is a burden, the woman is completely unladylike, she’s telling me what she’s wearing and what she’s going to do and she’s a complete child and throws tantrums because when she doesn’t get what she wants. Do I really have to lie to him and pretend I like her just because he wants her to be a bridesmaid?
Post # 3
Can you talk to him and explain you don’t have the same relationship with his sister like you do with your friends? He should be able to understand that. If I were you, I’d invite my FSIL but not bend to her will. Don’t plan things around her, it’s your day.
Post # 4
Thanks for your help, you’re right I’m completely bending to suit whatever she wants. My friends are being great about the whole thing and are constantly asking me if there is anything I’d like them to do or if they can help. They’re doing whatever they can to make me happy, but this girl is just looking out for herself she’s already decided she’s wearing running shoes under the dress because she doesn’t like wearing heels. I don’t mind them wanting flat shoes but maybe a pair of ballet flats or something so if you can see them they look somewhat presentable.
I feel like my partner cares more about making his family happy than making his bride happy on her wedding day, he doesn’t seem to realise that I will be part of his family on that day. If what his sister wants is more important than what I want for my wedding then maybe this wedding isn’t the best thing for me.
Post # 5
Honestly, it seems there are two issues tangled up to look like one. First issue, your FI is siding with his family over you. Marriage is a union. The two of you of become one. And sooner or later, it’s just the two of you against the world.(Sorry, if that sounds dramatic.) He needs to be ready to put you above all others. Second issue, your FSIL is used to getting her way. She is doing what she wants. Maybe you could tell her nicely that you would like for her to wear flats to the ceremony and pictures. Once the reception starts she could change to flip flops or whatever she prefers.
The first issue is the important one to talk about before saying “I do”, though. Is he ready to be in this union, where you both put each other first?
Post # 6
Also, I feel like the issue of FI telling you you can not take a photo without including his sister is rediculous. It sounds very controlling of him to say no to a photo with your friends. Of course, I don’t know the whole story but hello, you will have so many wedding photos, it seems silly to not be able to take one with your friends. Just tell him you want a photo with your friends and it has nothing to do with excluding his sister.
Your statement that if his sister is more important, maybe you need to reconsider the wedding really stood out. You clearly feel like something is wrong. Talk to him and see where he’s coming from. Sometimes boys don’t realize they are putting you second and maybe a discussion will bring your feelings to light.