Post # 1
OMG my FH and his family are driving me nuts.
the venue holds 120. thats it. 120. I didnt want a big wedding (uncomfortable in large crowds and being center of attention and wanted people I KNOW there not strangers) and that is what my parents can afford. but they keep adding people to their list. they already have over 80 people. AND KEEP COMING UP WITH MORE.it wouldnt be as bad if FH hadnt invited half his office to come- im only bringing 3 from my office. i tell him he hardly knows these people and its doubling everything because they are all married and you HAVE to invite the spouses.
i only have 50 people TOTAL – mind you i have a TON of aunts and uncles and over 70 cousins, many who are not invited because of space and $$ constraints.
how do i get FH to understand, while yes offering to pay for whatever is nice of you (even though i have yet to see any $$ from his fam, and they were complaining about doing the RD) but theres a capacity limit – 120! you dont invite 150+! what happens if they all say YES?! seriously?!?!?!?
sorry. had to vent. i really dont know what to do with this.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry, this sounds so frustrating.
I think the first thing would be to talk to your Fiance about this and ask him if he would check with you before inviting anyone else. Next, set up a timeline with his fam regarding the $$$. ie: you’ll need x amount for catering by x date. Perhaps that will help to curb their spending/inviting.
Post # 4
if it helps, im having everyone who may want to invite people (both sets of parents and FH) make an A and B list – the A list are those people that 100% MUST be there, and the B is a “would be nice” kind of list
if they STILL have too many on the A list, try to do 2 rounds of invites (sneaky sneaky, though) – kind of wait to see how many attending you have after the first 120 invites are RSVPed, and then start sending out additionals after that – the timing can be kind of tricky though to ensure that people don’t figure out that they were B-list move-ups
Post # 5
ah – the opposite of my problem.
speak to you FH and tell hom – 120 is 120. you can’t break fire codes just to please his family. tell him you need a cut off point for the list that everyone agrees too and there’s no adding on after this is reached.
Post # 6
that’s so frustrating! I wouldn’t know what to do if I were you! = (
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I’m so sorry that you’re having this problem! It really sounds like you and your fiance need to get on the same page, though. Really sit down with him with some numbers in hand. If all of his coworkers come, it will add X amount of dollars to your final bill. When you have concrete numbers in hand, it’s much easier to pare down the list.
Maybe have a separate party with coworkers to celebrate the engagement/marriage? Then you can include those people that your fi wants to include without adding everyone to the guest list.
Also, have a heart to heart with his family in a similar way. If you guys are footing the bill, then they’ll have to respect your wishes for a smaller wedding. Good luck!
Post # 8
Well hopefully you haven’t actually invited anyone yet and this is just a list they’re working on. We categorized people 1-3. Then we figured out a rough cost per person – keeping that in mind really helped us remember not to invite everyone. The $$ should help Fiance and his family. Then we figured out a final list – we ended up not inviting anyone on the 3 list. We only invited people we plan to maintain friendships with long term.
Post # 9
i know how you feel.
my Fiance insists on giving everyone a plus one. i have so much family that it equals more than his list together, and i’ve tried telling him he could invite more friends, if he took out the unneeded people.
Post # 10
I know how you feel, he and his mom kept adding people and were now 30 adults ov he limit, not including children. and when i told him was he stressed? NO he said not to worry because people might not come, UM what if they do???
Post # 11
yall all have great suggestions.
luckily *i* am in charge of mailing and sending both the STD’s and the invites, and they will NOT be getting any copies of the invitations, so quite frankly when push comes to shove, no space no invite. im leaving his work folks til last.
i just talked to his mom and told her how im stressing out. i mean im not even having alot of the folks *i* want there because i know there are space and money issues. so how does that make me feel when they kinda disregard that?
their thought is “oh people will say no, it will work out” but WHAT IF THEY SAY YES!?
right now im not sending STD’s to the random people that they keep adding – if its someone that was an obvious oversight like a godmother or something of that nature sure, but otherwise, sorry.
at least this way i can keep working on them with the lists and hopefully have this solved by invitation time.
thanks for the vote of confidence girls!
Post # 12
If the most you can have is 120 people I wouldn’t invite anymore than that. There’s enough stress already without having to worry about having too many people at the reception.
Doesn’t it seem logical if there are only 120 spots available then you and your parents should get 60 and your Fiance and his famly get 60. It upsets me that your aunts and uncles can’t come so your FI’s mother can invite random friends. It doesn’t seem fair.
Post # 13
I totally know how you feel. My FH’s Mom gave me a list of 105, and we were trying to keep it to 150! That didn’t even include his friends. What, was I supposed to invite only 10 people? We argued about it a lot, and finally negotiated that distant cousins that he doesn’t regularly see wouldn’t make the cut. The funniest part was, there were people in the list that my Fiance didn’t even KNOW! Like, never even heard of!
Our final guest list ended up at 186, and we are expecting about 160 to show up. I think you just need to lay it out there and let him know it’s not fair that he gets to invite twice as many people as you.
Post # 14
yall are right, i am just not looking forward to the convo because i dont want to seem like a bridezilla, but it really isnt fair.
Post # 15
You are not being a bridezille but maybe she is a motherzilla!!!
Post # 16
ask yourselves which of these guests you would actually stay in touch with if you move or switch jobs. If you don’t think you will stay in touch with those people then don’t invite them.