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My MIL lives a 4 hours flight away also. I wasnt really able to involve her, but she had full run of the rehearsal dinner planning.
She negotiated the hotel block and arranged bus transportation to and from the reception and hotel for the guests.
I also sent her emails asking her advice on things that were simple. Like which necklace she liked. Mostly I just sent her updating emails with pics etc so she felt like she was part of the process.
I also let her pick out a card box. She got a cute bird cage.
She lived in MA, I lived in CA and the reception was in CT.
All we're asking is that she shows up in appropriate clothing and doesn't embarrass herself or us. Seriously.
She wanted to be crafty, so she made all the flower cones we used as decoration on the pews. She came up with several options, I picked what I liked best and she made them.
My FMIL really, really wants to help, so we've asked her to do the hotel research for us. Maybe yours could also help with ideas for centerpieces/flowers? Transportation's another option. If you're doing a next day brunch, maybe researching that?
My FMIL was complaining about how she was not involved in our wedding planning and she got to plan her other DILs rehearsal dinner so I gave her full run of the rehearsal dinner. All After I did this, she said it would be too "stressful" to plan and told me to plan it by myself. Since I am planning 100% of the wedding by myself because my mom hates weddings, I planned it by cancelling it altogether- now she no longer asks about wedding stuff.
@orchid84: I gave her and her ex-husband full run of the rehearsal dinner, I kind of thought that would be enough... especially since they haven't made any plans yet.
Um, mine is pretty much planning the whole thing, ha... She lives where we are getting married, so it's helpful if she sets up the vendors and such. She's such a great woman....
@thursdayschild: Exacltly what we did, and it was still too much to ask:(
We told her she could go to Hell! She is an absolute hellhound and I couldn't resist. :)
I've asked mine for a guest list with full names and addresses. Still not complete. Ugh.
I'm in a very similar situation. FMIL is very far away...
We haven't involved her with the wedding planning at all... but she has COMPLETE control of the rehearsal dinner. She seems content.
She sent out the rehearsal dinner invites (though I chose the restaurant), and got all the beverages for the reception.
ETA: My MIL had a dream about two months before the wedding that she had to be my substitute at work so I could prepare for the wedding. After that, she begged me to give her projects, so that she wouldn't have to think about teaching second grade for me!
@thursdayschild: hahaha that's a fair compromise.
My FMIL has taken it upon herself to research hotels and accomodations for our guests. It's mainly because the majority of our out-of-town guests are from FI's side of the family so it's really important to her. I'm hoping to let her plan the rehearsal dinner too but that's much further down the line for me.
@thursdayschild: ;) I am hoping that happens with many of my family members...good luck!
@Zusie: Mine bought us our ceremony arbor and some decorations. I also let her do the cake. I feel bad having her do too much, since she is really one of the only one helping out.
Yup, my FMIL is in Florida (we're in ontario)....she is doing the rehearsal dinner, and she already knows where she is going to hold it and was so nice to do it at an irish pub since my back ground is irish :D She is a thoughtful person and I have no worries of her being at the wedding .....
My MIL really wanted to get involved...so I've decided to have her help with the invitations and just showing her our decisions along the way.
@Ms.Clean: Right?! It's sad, but I have to laugh too.
@MrsMeNow: That's my fear!
@mariwithani: I'm glad you think so!! I don't think I'm asking too much, but we'll see!
@TiffanyMM: Good luck to you as well!
Sighh. I have worked so hard to include my FMIL, so that should wouldn't feel left out or excluded. But, she doesn't seem to much interested in helping with anything. She's a major procrastinator, so depending on her for anything would just not be productive. It took forever to get her to get her address book out of her office and give it to me.
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My mother-in-law lives several hundred miles away but wants to be involved in my wedding planning. I'm trying to think of a project to give her to do.
What's your MIL doing to help?