Post # 1
So, I’m caucasian, 6′ tall and always been on the thick side 🙂 My lovely fiance is black and I get FURIOUS when people insinuate that I am with him because I’m a “big girl” and I couldn’t get a white guy. Why does this mindset even exist?! I could be with whoever I want, thank you very much, and I’ve chosen the most wonderful man ever. As if all black men want is a big hunk of meat?? How de-humanizing! My aunt has always hinted that if I really wanted to, I could’ve held out for a white man. Some man came up to my fiance at a show and shook his hand and said “congrats, man– I love snow bunnies.” Ahhhhh!!
Just had to throw that out there– I’ve dealt with things like this occasionally throughout our 3 years of dating, but I’m hoping that as we move into the future and people become more cultured, these kinds of things will stop!
Anyone else every gotten these kinds of remarks??
Post # 3
@SoonToBeSimmons: Not towards me, but I had a friend who went through the same thing. It was really quite sad because she came to believe it herself. A good woman can attract a man of any race.
Post # 4
My FI is White and I’m black. We are avid cruisers and go every Spring Break. When we get down there the islanders go nuts over our dynamic. They give my FI high fives and props as if he won some type of competition. They tell him he is the man and well done. In the states its more of a “White boy can’t do for you what I can” kind of response from black men. So the response varies according to where we are. As for races liking certain body types…I do think it is typical for Black men to have an attraction to full figured woman but that isn’t a bad thing and I wouldn’t call it them wanting a “hunk of meat”. I think it is what they grow up seeing. Their Moms, aunts, cousins, grandmas are full figured women so they have an appreciation for it that other races just don’t. That isn’t speaking for every black man but I can see where the thought comes from.
Post # 5
What?! that’s obnoxious. And obviously not true.
It’s personal preference – some guys like curves, others want a Kate Moss hipless girl – much less to do with race.
It is weird when you hear things like that. I’m asian and one of the things I love about DH is that he really doesn’t care. The biggest turnoff to me is what I call men with Yellow Fever (or Chinaphiles) who only want to date me because I’m Asian. And the crap that comes out of their mouths e.g. “you speak very good English” or “I taught English in Korea…” SERIOUSLY?!
On a side note – I’m very curvy – small waist, big hips and I’ve been like that since I was a teenager. I was walking to work and these two (black) men were looking at me and one said to the other “Damn! What’s a black girls’ ass doing on an Asian?” So maybe it’s less about races prefering certain body types vs. the perception that certain body types are prevalent in some races. Either way….NOT COOL.
Post # 6
@SoonToBeSimmons: That’s so racist. That stereotype makes me ridiculously angry!! I’m so sorry
Post # 7
That’s rude and I completely understand your frustration!
I’ve heard some comments pre-SO when I was dating white boys (SO is also white, by the way, and I’m Asian). I’ve heard drunk comments about how Asian girls are, uh, anatomically, um…more compact in certain areas. EW, I do not want people discussing my privates with my boyfriends! I’ve also heard comments about us being ladies on the street and freaks in the bed, which is equally disturbing. God, people are yucky and rude!!!
I’ve also heard some (not funny) jokes about how my Caucasian exes must be fed well/well taken care of because we’re supposed to be subservient. I do cook well, but if I’m supposed to be subservient, my SO got the shit end of the stick. 😛
On the flip side, I’ve heard rude people say something to the effect of “Of COURSE she’s with a white boy! She’s not thin, so she’d have a hard time finding an Asian boy./White boys prefer Asian girls that are unattractive to Asian men.”
So, basically, people suck. 😛
Post # 8
Just as our genetics dictate how we look on the outside. Our genetics also dictate what kind of people we are attracted to. So it’s only biology that a majority of people of a certain ethnicity are attracted to a certain body type. Of course it’s not always true. And it’s not right for someone to be making constant comments about that, especially if you are uncomfortable with those comments. But you can’t be mad if your FI is into thick women, and that’s one of the reasons why he’s with you.
Post # 9
I’m not mad at all that he’s into me, I only get mad when other women (esp my extended family members) make comments that I’m settling in some way.
@chicfoodist — YES! You get me! lol
Post # 10
@raziel1687: Um, that isn’t really true… DNA can influence pheremones which can influence who someone finds attractive, but the genes that determine attraction are not related to genes that determine appearance. Plus, DNA only does so much to dictate your body type – most of it will be determined by lifestyle and culture. In terms of what DNA can influence, men find pretty much any female pheremones attractive. When women smell pheremones, they find men who are genetically dissimilar to them to be more attractive. However, this mostly has to do with genetics that predict health, not appearance.
Different cultures have different beauty standards, so I think that’s where the stereotypes come from. But that doesn’t make what people say right. It’s always rude to repeat cultural stereotypes or imply that someone is with someone else for purely looks. And it’s even more wrong to assume things about people based on their skin color.
Post # 11
We don’t get those types of comments (thankfully) but I think it has to do with FI being mixed race… I assume most people can’t choose one ethnicity of his to make fun of.
He is also excellent at either ignoring or coming back with awesome zingers.
I’m white but I think people usually assume I am hispanic (got into an argument with a group of guys over whether I am Columbian… uhm.. think I’d know that one) so maybe that’s why we don’t get much crap.
Either way, those people are shallow and AREN’T YOU SO LUCKY that you two can rise above that!!
Post # 12
I dated a black guy when I was younger and never got any of those comments. However, you’re not the first person I’ve heard of experiencing this.
I will add though, in school I was hit on by black guys way more than white guys. I always attributed that to the fact that I’m a little more “thick” than other white girls. So the stereotype definitely exists and I think that’s why ppl say things like that.
Post # 13
Well, my husband is Asian and I’m white. People have actually had the nerve to hint at why would I not marry a guy with a bigger dick. Since all Asian guys have little teeny wieners. Uh… my husband is 6′ tall and 190lbs, with 11W feet. He’s perfectly well proportioned, if you catch my drift.
Post # 14
I blame “I like big butts and I can not lie, You other brothers can’t deny…”
Even if there is truth to the stereotype, It’s cool to like whatever kind of body you like and thoes comments are way out of line.
Post # 15
I can relate to this, I have a JLo behind (I wish the rest of me looked like her, haha) and there are a lot of people that assume my FI is African American because of it, I find it amusing, lol. My FI is a mixture of white, native American, and Spanish and he appreciates a round booty too! Lol
Post # 16
@SoonToBeSimmons: I used to get this with a few of my exes all the time! I even had a white guy I almost dated claim he was “like a black guy” and “liked thick white girls.” Yeah, that’s why he’s an almost and not an ex…