What reasons has he given you for not proposing?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: His reasoning is...
    Financial reasons : (35 votes)
    45 %
    Emotional : (14 votes)
    18 %
    He hasn't given me a reason : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Other, explain in comments. : (18 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I voted “other” because it’s a combination of financial and emotional. He’s very traditional in some respects and, as such, very much has that “the man should be a provider” mentality. He thinks he’s not in the right place to ask me to marry him because his job isn’t what he wants it to be and he’s struggling to make ends meet some months. He says he has nothing to offer me, and I’m like “…I don’t want the extraneous crap, I want you“.

    And as for emotional, he thinks we haven’t been together long enough. Which he’s completely entitled to feel, since we’ve been together less than a year. But then again, when you know, you know. It just irks me because he says that he knows in his heart that he wants me to be his wife, but that his brain just hasn’t gotten there yet. He even told me several months ago (when we’d only been together three or four months) to start rebuilding my old wedding binder. I’d had one before, since an ex of mine said he wanted to marry me, but that ex didn’t love me and the only reason he wanted me was because I looked like his ex, so I threw everything away except for the binder itself and a couple pictures of dresses.

    So, on the one hand, I understand and am trying to be patient… But on the other hand, I can’t help it. We both have this thing where our brains just start jumping into the future. I’ve been trying to shut mine up, but when he does it, too, it’s just like “Staaaaaaaaahp.”

    Post # 3
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I picked other because one is financial reasons and the other is he says he has a plan and a date picked. He is very firm on sticking to this date and wont move it closer. He says some time in december but he told me that he said that to throw me off.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6866 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    musician32992:  I’m really sorry he’s postponing on you 🙁 Why did he take you ring shopping if he really doesn’t want to be engaged?? 

    I understand that sometimes guys just aren’t ready yet. It took my DH a long time because he just wasn’t ready to be engaged, even though we owned a home together. I know how frustrating it can be when it feels like you’re waiting forever 🙁 I don’t get the family thing though. Have you met his family?

    Post # 6
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee

    I voted financial bc we’ve got some big changes and big expenses coming up. We are going to move when I get a new job, but don’t know where. Could be 2 hours away, could be 2 days away. 

    With moving expenses and the stresses of us moving, both getting new jobs, etc it’s not the right time. sigh! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1359 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun

    musician32992:  I think for me and SO its a mix of financial and other. With SO, much like PP have mentioned, he is very tradtional in that “the man should provide” for his wife and family (family being me and our dog!) and since both him and I have had a rough run with jobs (we’ve both been unemployed at different times throughout our relationship) it has been hard for us to really get established. Also, he believes he should have all this money saved up to actually pay for the wedding before proposing, when from my perspective, we should get engaged FIRST, and then talk finances and save for the wedding we want. But I guess that’s just the differences in opinions. Some men are just more practical in their thinking and I know SO thinks more with dollars and cents, where I think with my romantic heart (ugh!). I also said other because as a result of waiting, I have gotten a bit resentful and bitter at times — which has resulted in picking fights and some not so great times in our relationship. I’ve since worked on that and have learned to just focus on the relationship and not so much the ring and it has been better. Right now, for us I think it is strictly financial!

    Post # 8
    Member
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    musician32992:  I’m sorry he did that to you. Thats a bit mean to take you rng shopping when hes really not ready.  That had to get your hopes up 🙁

    Post # 9
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    We are both still in school, and neither one of us is financially independent. We don’t want to get engaged until we’re ready (financially) to be married, which won’t be until at least another 2 and a half years when we’re out of school. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee

    musician32992:  It is a combination for me as well. 

     

    Financial is definitely an issue – although he just got a great new job and we moved in together this month! So we are headed in the right directions but he doesnt understand why people would put themselves in debt over a wedding and why they would pay so much for a wedding if they don’t have a house. And we are FAR from that. 

    Emotional is an issue as well. I know he loves me – a lot. And we have talked about marriage and kids. We have been together 3 years and he will say “when we get married” but at the same time he thinks it is a HUGE step (which it is) and he doesnt want to rush anything and end up like everyone we know (divorced or unhappy). He is right, we are in no rush but we did browse rings last month 🙂 

    Post # 11
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    my boyfriend has asked me to send him the ring i want, metal specification, carat size, ring size, etc. and when i bring up the subject he has given me 3 different answers “you have to give me until at least christmas” or “with all the money we’ve spent on the house i need to get saved up more so we can actually afford the wedding after we get engaged” or last night he just said “it will be before september, stop pushing it” so basically i am just letting it go, and trusting that it will happen when he is ready and i should enjoy this time regarless if my title is “girlfriend” or “fiance” 🙂

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    865 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    musician32992:  You are right, the second reason is a load of bullshit.  And I know because my ex husband used to come out with the same crap.  That’s why he kept our relationship a secret for over 5 years, and took a year to tell his parents when we got engaged.

    If I’d had any sense back then – and I certainly had no excuse, I was 25 when I met him – I would have told him to fuck off.  

    I’m sorry, but learn from my experience…I wouldn’t want to be engaged to a man who is so stunningly immature. 

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors