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We all know the 'rules' of etiquette (er, or maybe some of us don't!) - which ones really drive you crazy?
I personally HATE writing thank you cards. I hate it. I've always hated it. I'm terrible at it. :( I wish that rule were never invented, haha. Never once has receiving a thank you card in any way made my life better. I usually forget within five minutes that I even got it!
The plus one rule, which is not a hard and fast rule granted but it's effing annoying. Like, I'm sorry, yeah you have a BF and you just moved in together but I've never met him and I'd rather invite an actual FRIEND over your BF when you know a billion people that will be at the wedding. LAME.
After my wedding, I have to say I hate the rule of not including your registry information in your invitations. Everyone ended up calling us to ask anyway! This is one rule I think is ok to COMPLETELY ignore!
I was just going to mention the registry! Its so stupid everyone is constantly asking you anyway!
invite all your family even if they spent their whole life criticizing what you do... it drive me crazy... when i became a foster kid no one in my family offer to keep me so i spent 4 years of my life moving form foster house to foster house without knowing anything about them. the now that im an adult i have to invite them even though i dont want to know anything about them.... but you know how etiquette rules are... so i will ignored them
I hate registries. all registries. I don't get why it's more appropriate for me to tell everyone what to get me than for them to just write me a check so I can use it as I see fit, (or get me a gift of their chosing). I never buy gifts from the registry and always just end up giving cash for weddings.
hand writing the envelopes rule - that would be my most annoying because i see educated, confident, strong women wringing their hands in dispair at the thought of not having hand written envelopes. they are envelopes, they usually end up in the bin at some point so pick a calligraphy font and print them is my motto
edit: oh and i agree with the above registry post also - i have no issue with the info being on the invite or included with the invite. i know i have to buy a gift so let me get something the person wants/likes or cash - just tell me what you want and im happy
i like thank you notes and the no registry thing - i think it promotes good will between people! Less about "this is the list of things we want" but more like, "well, if you'd LIKE to get us a gift, we're registered at Toys R Us".
I would get rid of a lot of the formalities that people confuse with etiquette.. like bride's side, groom's side, everyone must do X, Y, Z, it's a wedding! etc.
- Second envelope on wedding invitations. Why is it included? To make it take longer to open it so that one can appreciate the overpriced piece of paper?
- Mr and Mrs. HisName
I hate writing thank you notes too DDW! I know why they should be written and that it's customary, but I don't care! I don't want to waste my time writing them! Although, because I feel obligated to write them and I do write them, it really f'ing pisses me off when I don't get one from someone I have given a gift to. Lol.
I don't like the "rule" that you have to NOT sleep with your FI the night before the wedding. I know there are certain things you're not SUPPOSED to do, but tradition's have died down so much these days. You're not SUPPOSED to live with your FI before you get married, but most of us do anyway! I can do what I want, thank you! :)
I really hate the proper way to address people on invitations. We just wrote out Bob and Jane Smith and we heard some people were slightly offended (the older people). Sorry, but I wasn't about to figure out how to address all these people properly. It was a somewhat informal wedding anyway (reflected by our totally non-traditional invitations). I thought people would get that. Oh well.
Size of bridal party dictated by size of wedding. I know people don't really follow this one anyway so it's kind of a moot point, but the rule is 1 bridesmaid to every 50 guests (I have NO idea where I remember hearing this from but it always stuck with me). This made me feel like i had to have a really small wedding party (I ended up having 4 BMs) but now that it's all over I wish I really would have just included all my girlfriends that I wanted to, which would have stretched the BMs to 7. I was just so worried how 7 BMs would look at such a small wedding... but who the heck cares?
@penguin: I have never heard of that rule?! That is a dumb rule though, you can have as many people in your bridal party as you want!! So, what, are you supposed to only have 2 bridesmaids for your 100 guest list & leave a sister or a best friend out?! PSH!
I don't know how much of a 'rule' it is - but I hate the assumption that all family must be involved/invited - even if you don't like them very much or know them!
I hate that some people feel you have to include the entire family in your wedding party. We have larger than average families so it would be ridiculously huge.
We are ignoring the hand-written envelopes. We both have terribly illegible handwriting so writing the thankyou's will be enough. Not to mention that we have a time crunch to get the invites out this weekend!
@Lees4308 I have NO idea where I even heard that from... must have been some etiquette book!
Ooooooh - I've been dying to vent about this one! Mine is: inviting family because they're "family". My mom is hopelessly insistant on inviting cousins that I've never met over people who are close friends that would mean a lot to have in attendance at our wedding. Honestly, what's the point of inviting someone I couldn't identify in a line-up?
Great question! I agree with all the previous posts, and also will add I don't like the rule that you can't see your FI the morning of the wedding. That's dumb enough, but my sister and FSIL and others were trying to say we couldn't text or communicate in any way! Ridiculous!! We still texted, I can't remember if we actually talked, but it helped calm the nerves. If it had been up to me we would have gotten ready together and spent the whole day together!!
Oh, and as for the handwritten envelope: I've been to 5 weddings in the last year and a half and I think only one of those invites was actually handwritten (and the only reason I even noticed was because I had weddings on the brain and had heard of this stupid rule)
@MrsPenguin - I heard that too, and I've NEVER read an etiquette book. I'm fairly certain I read it on the Knot, because it was in my pre-WB days, before I realized that there were other sites about weddings that existed!
well, i think it is NOT a good idea to include your registry info in the invitations because it indicates an expectation of gifts when people are acutally not obligated to get you anything at all. (tho of course they do, ha). if you don't want people calling, set up a website with the info and either send the link out en masse in an email or put the address on your save the dates or invites. it's what i'm doing :) the ediquette rule that i hate to see broken all the time is when people bring dates or children when their invite did not say "and guest" or include the kids names. that is so rude! don't people realize that every additional person = more $$$ spent by the hosts?? and it presents alot of last minute running around trying to find space for these people at the tables. this is why i'm going to use my website rsvp for the wedding. when people go to that they'll only be allowed to rsvp for the exact number of people i included in their party. hopefully that will get the point across. of course this doesnt stop them from just showing up with extras but hopefully i will be unaware of that.
Ugh...I hate the handwritten envelope rule. Whatever dude....in the age of computers and fancy fonts, it will look much nicer if I don't do it by hand.... ;)
Definitely agree with the registry rule. Everyone ends up calling and asking where you have it anyway.
@MightySapphire I totally agree with you! If including registry cards/info is so wrong to include with invitations then why do stores hand them out? I personally think it's helpful as a guest when I have received invitations. I think you just helped me decide that I'm ignoring this one, thanks!
I actually love the etiquette of weddings, life is so informal as it is. So I am writing all of the thank yous, hand addressing the envelopes, not including the registry info, etc.
When I see a rule break, I am one of those people who thinks, tisk tisk. But honestly, I don't really think about it five minutes later. If five minutes of mental tisk tisking from your guests doesn't bother you for a rule you don't like, screw it, break the rule. We all have to draw the sanity line somewhere. My line still includes this stuff, but it really isn't the end of the world if yours doesn't.
I hate feeling like we have to include distant relatives just because they're family. We're having a really tiny wedding (less than 50 people) and weren't planning on inviting distant great aunts and such that we never speak to. Unfortunately one of them have basically "invited" herself by asking about the wedding and offering us the use of her Hawaiian timeshare as a wedding present. We figured it would be too rude to exclude her after that, even though we're not taking her up on the timeshare offer!
I hate the don't wear white crap. My mom really doesn't want me to wear white because although this is my first marriage I am definitely not a virgin, but I mean who really cares?!
I quite like the "no registry/wishing well info in the invitation" rule although I don't have a heart attack if I get an invite that has it. I also am a big advocate of thankyou notes, yes they're a pain but I think it's good they are expected (well, by some of us - I definitely remember who gives one and who doesn't). Rules I think are silly in this day and age are the naming conventions on the envelopes and the invite itself, the insistence upon rsvps sent in the mail (yet more paper and more money when email should be fine for most guests).
I don't think etiquette has anything to do with spending the night/day with your FH or the family members you need to invite. Traditional etiquette says there is nothing wrong with not inviting anyone to your wedding. It's family politics, so tell your mother to stop throwing the etiquette word around as a guilt trip :)
Actually, most of these rules are either mistatements or misunderstandings of existing rules, or made-up "rules" that never existed at all. I hate the very notion that there are "rules" that apply to weddings that are somehow different from the rules for everyday life.
The only real rule is, "be polite, be considerate of other people". If your manners are polite and considerate enough for the friends and family who matter 365 days a year, year after year, then they're good enough to get you through a one-day event like a wedding. Anything else would be a phoney put-on.
I'm a pretty formal person -- I hand-write dinner invitations in the third person and call most of my friends "Mr This" and "Mrs That" in ordinary conversation. I like the formalities -- and I use them properly because I'm used to them (and incidentally, if you do know the formalities, there really is a good reason for the inner envelopes, and an entirely proper and formal way to do away with them). But if people have never held a formal event in their lives and then suddenly try to fake it, they make etiquette mistakes that are either ridiculous or offensive. Being natural and informal is neither -- which makes it a far better choice.
I think my least favorite at this point is hand writing envelopes. It's a pain in the pooper, especially if you don't like your handwriting!
I hate having to write thank you notes, or at least the formailty of it. I do agree that they're important though. I wish I could just write "THANKSSSS" on a big card and be done with it.
I'm sure there's something I hate more, but I can't think of it.
I haaaaate that I have to invite all the people who are the same "level" of family, regardless of whether I really know them or not. Like, because we're inviting my dad's cousins who live in my hometown--who I grew up around and still see multiple times per year--I also have to invite my dad's cousins who live halfway down the coast, who I've met maybe three times in my entire life. Makes no logical sense.
I hate the handwriting envelope addresses (In the midst of it right now!)
and I think it's so retarded that we can't include registry info with the invite. I've had sooo many people ask me already and we have a website with all the info on it! It doesn't matter what you do, people will still ask you if it isn't laid out for them.
@verosara - I think they are included because it is okay to include registry info with bridal shower invitations because you are not throwing the party for yourself.
@penguin - Yeah, I heard that rule too! I read it in my Knot planning book. I think it's stupid...but mine ended up lining up with how many guests I have on accident. Whatever!
hehe... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't care for some of this nonsense!
I have to second, third, or 12th the hand written envelopes. I'm on board with all the other bits of ettiquite. I like the tradtions that go along with a wedding, but my handwritting sucks.
i see a couple of people have mentioned the no registry in the invite rule...yeaaaah - my MOH isn't too happy that I'm ignoring this rule - but oh well! I asked my mom "would you be offended if we put the registry info in the invite" and she was all, "isn't that where you're SUPPOSED to put it?"
so yeah - ours IS going in the invite!
also - the inviting people just cuz they're family ... yeah NO. i do NOT want nor NEED their drama! this is MY wedding and I don't want them to celebrate with me! :p
I hate the HAVING to have a MOH rule, which is one that my mom apparently believes exists. I don't think you HAVE to have one, honestly. I'm having 4 BMs, why do I have to choose a favorite?
I don't like feeling like I have to invite people to my wedding because they invited me to theirs. Even the DW where they absolutely knew I would not be able to go but they just invited everyone? Even the coworker I haven't seen since our last friends wedding? Ya I will be breaking that rule.
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