(Closed) what sacrifices have you made for your DH to be in a long healthy happy marriage

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I haven’t had to sacrifce anything to be in my marriage.  My husband would never want me to give up anything that makes me happy.  I feel the same way about him.  We’re usually on the same wavelength so it’s never been an issue.

Are you ok with what your husband is asking you to sacrifice for him?

Post # 5
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@rozzy:  I can totally see that being a reasonable request. For some people, FB creates a lot of drama. If I were one of those people, I could see my SO asking me to delete it. 

Post # 6
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@rozzy:  I guess my “sacrifices” are actually laughable foibels that make our life together what it is….

I had to restrain myself from killing every member of his psychotic, manipulative, misanthropic family until such a time came that Mr. 99 realized that there are in fact, families that do not gang up on each other, commit emotional terrorism to get a leg up on each other, and actually take responsibility for their mistakes..it took four and a half years, but he got there, and they are no longer a part of our lives, which is lovely.

I learned not to laugh when he uses the word, “vehicle” instead of car, “stage” for laying out stuff before a trip and his fake words, “actuality” “badassitude” and “tom-fuckery” to describe things.

I’m resigned to the fact that he will move anything and everything from wherever I put it…so I just ask him where it is without looking now.

He will always have a short temper…so I say what I need to and leave him the hell alone until he can process the information, realize he’s being an asshole and apologize, sincerely.  Please note this can take anywhere from 4 to 72 hours, based on the situation.

Finally, I had to accept the fact that he’s only human, fallable, flawed, insecure and half crazy…kind of like me….he may not be Prince Charming, he’s certainly not Heathcliff, but he’s a big sweet hunk of a hunk of man, who takes out the trash without being asked, is a hell of a cook and still looks good in jeans and a cowboy hat…so what else could a girl want?

Post # 7
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Closing your FB account does not seem like a reasonable request to me but I digress…

My sacrific is staying in Toronto when I really want to move home to Australia. 

Post # 8
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rozzy:  I think it’s a totally healthy request and I commend you for having respect for his feelings/your relationship. A therapist has told us that such things are not unfair and it’s really about the health of your marriage…not keeping FB open. If you don’t have an issue, I find it totally ok!

 

What I have had to sacrifice: Keeping my mouth shut. lol I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to say everything that enters my mind. Sometimes it’s just better to be quiet. But I think this is good advice for me in general.

Post # 9
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My career taking a back seat to his… although it is in line with both of our long term goals, right now it is a sacrifice for me.

Post # 10
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

My sacrifice is putting up with his family.  But my husband has never asked me to change myself or give up something in my life.  

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

He’s not my husband yet but I am trying to learn that I do not have to be right ALL THE TIME.  He’s learning that as well…lol  We’re both pretty stubborn people. 😉

Post # 12
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I haven’t had to sacrifice anything, really. I can honestly say that my world and life has simply grown with him, not shrunken down.

I also find the closing of your FB account kind of disturbing. That in conjunction with distancing you from family/friends is honestly a red flag for me.

Post # 13
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrs_pudding_pop:  Haha, we are coming to that same realization. Sometimes, it doesn’t really matter “who is right.” It is more about good communication and understanding.

 

Post # 14
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

He’s not my DH yet (he’s my FI) but after over 5 years together I’ve made at least thousands of tiny ones, if not tens of thousands. And so has he.

Nothing really huge, that I can recall. Nothing I resent or regret, which is how it should be 🙂 Some larger ones from both of us but they’re kind of personal. The larger ones are just one of us putting our personal goal on hold for a while to promote the other one’s personal goal, or to promote a mutual goal.

The key thing is that both of us are ready and willing to sacrifice for each other and for the relationship. We both get that there is a “me,” a “you,” and an “us” and all three need to thrive. Once we toss kids into the equation it will become an even more complex balancing act, but we’re up for it 🙂

ETA: I can’t comment on whether the closing fb sacrifice seems reasonable or not because I don’t know the context. In general, that shouldn’t be necessary, but there are many such sacrifices people do (that in general, most people don’t need to, but in their specific circumstances, makes sense). My closest experience to a good reason to close a fb account for another person is when my FI offered to close his b/c some very pushy women would not stop flirting with him on there and he wanted to close it out of frustration because he “didn’t need the drama.” I recommended he did not close it because he had some uses for it that outweighed the issues, and he agreed, and did not. However, someone else might close it for that reason if they find fb useless anyway, or they might if they were addicted to facebook and it was jeopardizing their relationship, or they might if they had used facebook inapproriately to violate trust in the relationship…etc.

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