Post # 1
I pretty much avoid calling my in-laws anything to their faces. When talking about them to my husband, I say “your mom” or “your dad.” After DH and I got married, my in-laws told me I could call them mom and dad, but I never felt comfortable with that. To be honest, I don’t feel like our relationship is that close. I would prefer to call them by their first names, but my FIL has stated indirectly that he finds that disrespectful. He tends to be very traditional and thinks young people need to respect their elders. What does this leave me with? Mr. and Mrs. sounds so formal. When my FIL talks about my MIL around me, he actually says “your mother in-law.” That also sounds very formal to me, but he says he doesn’t want to say “your mom” and make me feel uncomfortable. What should I do?
Post # 2
Bichon Frise: I always called them by their first names before we were engaged. After we got engaged they said I was welcome to call them mom and dad or continue on a first name basis. I was pretty positive I would stick with first names but I am slowly migrating to mom and dad. It doesn’t seem as foreign as I thought it would since I love them like my own parents.
Post # 3
I call my MIL Mom and my FIL by his first name. They aren’t married and I rarely see FIL. IDK Where I grew up kids were encouraged to say MS. nieghbors first name. Or Mr. nieghbors first name. What about something like that. Please don’t let this go. I have a SIL that never calls my parents anything…. she was married to my brother for over 20years. Her family all called my parents by their first names. SIL actually introduced my parents as “brothers first names’ Mother and Father” she sounded like an idot for 20 years.
Post # 4
Bichon Frise: I use their first names, they haven’t really said “oh call us Mom and Dad” so I’m kind of in no mans land. lol I use their first names but if we are playing games as a family I will throw in a “it’s your turn mama” the way my DH and his siblings do. Once we have kids they will be refered to as the other kids do for “grandma” and “grandpa” (they use different terms) so that will solve the problem. lol
Post # 5
I called them Mom Jones and Dad Jones. It sounded better than Mr. and Mrs but was not as close as Mom and Dad so was easier to say for me.
Post # 6
I call my in-laws by their names.
Being ‘respectful of your elders’ is one thing. But you’re all adults, you’re not children talking to our elders.
Yes you should be respectful. No, you don’t have to call them mom and dad. Does your FI call your mom and dad mom and dad?
My in laws say I could call them mom and dad but I dunno.. I find it strange to say so I don’t. ‘D’ and ‘T’ is sufficient for me! (Haha and that rhymed too, bonus!)
Post # 7
I use their first names. I love my in-laws, but I already have a mom and dad and even my step-parents are called by their first names. In your case I’d probably find a “mom & dad related name” and use that instead. FI calls my mom “ma” and my dad “faj”, but they have a really nice casual relationship and we’re not very traditional (obviously lol).
Post # 8
I avoid calling them anything as well. If I absolutely have to call them by name I will say their first names. Half their children don’twant to call them mom and dad, and neither do I.
Post # 9
I use their first names, since I feel weird calling them mom and dad. And when I’m talking to FI about them, they’re “mum” and “dad”.
Post # 10
Call your in-laws whatever they would like to be called or use Mr and Mrs. There needs to be a compromise between what you want and what would make them happy.
My parents are also very traditional and my husband cannot call them by their first names, unless he wants a big fight about being disrespectful. He doesn’t want to use “Mom and Dad”, so he uses Mr and Mrs. My parents wouldn’t mind being called Mom and Dad.
My in-laws are more relaxed. I can call them by their first names or I can use Mom and Dad. I do both. I call my father-in-law Dad more often because I love the guy. He’s a wonderful person. I usually call my mother-in-law by her name but I will throw in a Mom once in a while.
Post # 11
By their first names, but we really don’t see them a whole lot, and when we do I guess they know whom I’m talking to without addressing them by a name.
Post # 12
First names. My future FIL has suggested/hopes that I will call him Dad, but I don’t really see that happening. Our relationship is actually quite good, but that title is reserved for one man only. My furutre MIL gets called by her first name by her own sons, and I’m not exactly fond of her, so I won’t ever be calling her Mom.
I’m more stuck on saying ‘I love you’ or not. I write it on cards, thank you notes, etc- but my future FIL said it the last time I was there as I was leaving, and it completely caught me off-guard. I didn’t say anything back, and I’m just hoping he doesn’t try that again for a while. I do love him as part of my new family, but I’m not quite at the stage yet where I feel comfortable saying it out-loud.
Post # 13
My dad never knew what to call my mom’s mom so basically never referred to her directly and it was awkward. I met DH’s parents when I was in middle school so they were Mr. and Mrs. for years (and I really avoided calling them anything), but after college one day I just asked my now-MIL what I should call them and she said their first names. It still feels awkward to me for some reason, but I do call them by their first names when I need to and it is fine. It is awkward that FIL feels that would be disrespectful for you to call them by their first names since you are an adult-does he expect younger coworkers to call him Mr.? Not quite the same thing I know but how frustrating for you!
Post # 14
I was raised to be pretty formal, so I had a tough time with what to call the in-laws, who insisted on first names, or Mom & Dad. Since the latter won’t happen, I’m working on using first names. It’s tough because my parents never called their in-laws by their first names, but I’m getting better. I know it means a lot to my MIL for me to use her first name if Mom isn’t going to happen.
Post # 15
i would not call my MIL mom, I call her by her first name.
DH and my mom are close. my mom asked DH to call her mom and he said he had no problem with that.
I don’t think I’ve heard him call her anything. I still refer to her as my mom or call her by her first name if talking to DH.