Post # 1
So i am Jewish and my Fiance is christain but i grew up christian until my parents converted to judisium. Now i’m getting married and i don’t know what to do i want to have the breaking of the glass and the sand unity. Also do i have to get married under a chuppah? My faith growing up was very complicated but i do want to incorporate some jewish traditions. Like my father is doing some of the the 7 blessings over us with his talit but not all of them. Should i get a ketubah or not? Can i even get a ketubah if i’m not getting married by a rabbi? Any suggestions would help.
Post # 3
You are likely to get a lot of different views on this, such is religion, but here are mine: yes, you can have a ketubah if you want one, even without a rabbi. Our rabbi approved our text, but we were not married by a rabbi (nor do you need to be under jewish law). Our ketubah was signed by us and two jewish men not related to us which is all that is required – and some people don’t even go that far, having women or non-jews sign too. As for getting married under the chuppah, I say go for it, but because you are interfaith there are others who will tell you you can’t.
I’m not sure about the breaking of the glass since it’s traditionally done by the groom and your groom is not a jew. I don’t think it’s forbidden, but it begs to question why you would do it.
How does your groom feel about adding these traditions in?
Post # 4
Thank you so much for the info about the Ketubah. My Fiance is fine with anything and everything he doesn’t mind breaking the glass he thinks it’s kinda of cool.
Also i had no idea that only two jews have to sign it. Thanks a lot i will have a rabbi definetly look over it as you did. But it’s still kind of cool to have one especially since i am technically an orthodox jew by my papers.
And as for the chuppah i don’t think we will have one i feel like as long as we get blessed under the talit i will be okay with just that.
Post # 5
You can do whatever you want! Since your fiance isn’t Jewish nothing will be legally binding under orthodox law anyway, so far as I understand it. The chuppah represents the house you are building – you don’t have to be Jewish to want that symbolism. The ketubah is a marriage contract – you don’t have to be Jewish to have one. I am Jewish, my husband isn’t – we wrote our own and had a design by JenRaichman on etsy (highly recommended). One of our witnesses was Jewish, the other three were not. My non-Jewish groom broke a glass because he wanted to. We did have a rabbi, but under Jewish law you marry each other – the rabbi doesn’t marry you. Check out Anita Diamant’s book on the Jewish Wedding for more thoughts.
Post # 6
I think it’s important to have your ceremony reflect YOUR faith, not necessarily your parents’ – you say you grew up Christian but your parents later converted – did you convert as well?
Post # 7
Thank you Rachelss I will look into the designs.
To daydreamwanderer i was young when my parents converted i didn’t have a choice.
Post # 8
@HoneyBee1811: I think you should do whatever you want to do and will make you happy. DHs family is Jewish and thats what he grew up as well and I grew up Christian. However, neither of us are religious now. There were cultural aspects that we wanted to include but we did not want religion to play a party in our wedding. We got married under a sort-of chuppah, Darling Husband had his parents walk him down the aisle (traditionally Jewish custom) and he broke the glass at the end of our ceremony. Then we had an Irish Wedding Blessing read by a good friend of mine to honor my side of the family.
I don’t know how our parents felt about our ceremony, but we LOVED it and we got a lot of compliments on how personal and meaningful our ceremony was. I like to think that part of it is because we included things that we wanted to as opposed to what we thought we should.
Post # 9
But you have a choice now!
What do you believe? In My Humble Opinion the ceremony should reflect YOUR faith and YOUR FI’s faith. If you want to incorporate some of your parents’ beliefs, that’s okay, but it’s totally your choice!
Post # 10
most jewish wedding traditions are really just that–traditions. not law, not required, not really all that religious. technically once you sign the ketubah you’re married, so the ceremony is really just for show. i’m jewish, Fiance was born catholic, but doesn’t idnetify with any religion. we are using the jewish cultural traditions but staying away from any overt religious references. we’ll have a ketubah, a chuppah, a broken glass, and of course a horah at the reception. who doesn’t love a good horah?
Post # 11
@pb and j: EVERYONE love the horah! The first one I ever did was at my own wedding and it was so much fun! One of my favorite memories from the wedding was being in the chair and looking down at one of the groomsmen holding me up, he looked up and me and said “Don’t worry, we’ve MOSTLY got you” Ha, thanks!
Sorry to hijack the thread – but yes, horah. And any other tradition that you feel represents you and your Fiance.