Post # 1
Hello Bees! Its been a while since Ive posted. I have been traveling a lot lately the last few months….
I just wanted to get your opinion on this situation.
My SO has made comments and flat out said that we would get engaged before the end of 2010 (we have already put down a deposit on our venue for next November and I told him I would only feel comfortable doing that if we would be engaged by the end of Dec). We have been on 3 small vacations since then plus Thanksgiving and Christmas and he has not proposed yet. I am starting to get mad. I dont want to be, but I feel like he lied to me and got my hopes up for nothing.
I know there are a few days left in the year….BUT, he is working all day today and tonight (until the wee hours of the morning) he works Weds and Thurs too, and oposite times from when I work…he goes in about 2 hours before I get off. And the kicker is that his brother is getting married on New Years Day….so their rehersal dinner is Friday night…..
He has made some many comments about how he wants it to be a complete surprise and romantic and special and I just dont see how he can do that now that its down to the wire….I have no problem with not getting engaged before 2010 is over, but I wouldnt have put my own money down on a venue if we werent going to be….and I think its wrong for him to have gotten my hopes up, he has to know that I was expecting it. I am struggling with saying something to him, but he is a great guy and always keeps his word, which is why this is bothering me so much…I just cant believe hes waited this long and that all signs point to him dissappointing me…..
What do you think? What should I do/say??
Post # 3
If he were to propose the first week of the new year, would you be upset? IMO, a few days difference wouldn’t mean a lot.
Although, also IMO, you guys already sound engaged if you’re putting down payments on wedding stuff together, just without a proposal/ring.
I would give him a bit of time, since it sounds like you’re both really busy and missing each other right now, and but I would say carve out some time to talk to him about it next week.
Post # 4
Give him time.. my sorority sister was in the same situation. We were all at a New Years party and as the ball dropped I could see the tears in her eyes because the year was over and he had not proposed.
The next morning they woke up and went on a walk in the quiet New Year’s morning while everyone was still asleep and he proposed. It was really sweet and exactly how he had planned it.
I know it sucks to wait, but don’t say anything until after New Year’s.
Post # 5
To be honest, a week or two (or more…hahaa) before we got engaged I was a crazy psycho b$*ch and ruining it for my FI. I was a ball of stress, irritated, blah blah, and I know i made it so hard for my money because he had something really sweet planned all along, and I kept ruining it! I say wait it out and try to be patient as possible until after the New Year and then decide on a game plan. You do not want to inadvertently ruina nything!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t say anything. Maybe he’s giving it a few days because a surprise is important to him. If he thinks your expecting it or you say something than that might delay it more. There are still a few days left in the year. Who knows..maybe he’s planning on doing it on Friday? That would be a really romantic thing for him to do on the stroke of midnight 🙂
Don’t worry so much! Try to be patient (even though it’s hard!) and just remember that the two of you are already making plans for marriage well in advance. Isn’t it worth it to wait a little for an engagement if that means that it will be more special for you and your man? Everything will work out. Sit tight and wait it out.
Post # 7
@daydreamwanderer – It wouldnt bother me if he did it a few days or weeks later. I just dont like that he said he was going to do it and not keeping his word to me, trusting him is more important than a surprise. And that he has to know its been stressing me out thinking he may do it. I just would have liked him to have not told me that if it isnt true.
@almatron21 and maggierose and mrs.peters.to.be – I think I have talked myself out of saying anything to him before New Years. The problem is that his brother is having his rehersal dinner on New Years Eve and then they get married on New Years Day. I just dont think he would propose on the night before his brother gets married. That would steal their thunder.
I know the surprise is important to him. He has said that many times, we had the discussion at the very beginning of November. Since then we have been on 3 very nice, romantic short trips that would have been perfect…he just didnt use any of those chances and he has to think Im expecting it when he said “It will be by the end of the year…”
So I guess I am going to wait it out…I honestly dont know that I will even say anything after the fact….it will prob make me withdrawl just out of dissappointment. My biggest issues are with him telling me something and not doing it when he didnt have to….and putting me through the torture of thinking every time we did something, or each holiday would be it….
Post # 8
@mispriss1215: Well you never know- even if there is a wedding on New Years- he still could do it then. Honestly- just don’t say anything until after New Years- give him a day after the wedding just to be sure. And if he hasn’t done it by then, then approach him when you are most calm and tell him that you are disappointed that he didn’t keep his word and you need some space to figure out what you are going to do as this is a big deal.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the feedback ladies!
Thats what I needed to calm down a bit. Im still day dreaming about sending him a little message like “You know there are only 3 days left in 2010 right?, k just making sure”….but Im holding it together. I was looking forward to going to his brothers wedding with a ring on my finger….now I am dreading it 🙁
Post # 10
Honestly- I wouldn’t even bring it up, even though I know you are itching to. This is the part where you trust him to keep his word and if that time should come that he doesn’t keep his word, you address that with him and how disappointed you are that you trusted him to fufill an obligation he set and he didn’t.
Post # 11
You’re going to ruin it if you say something. Sit tight, and if it doesn’t happen by the end of the first week of January, then talk to him about it.
Post # 12
These next few days are going to SUCK! lol….but I will be good and not say anything in 2010…
Post # 13
@mispriss1215: I know that it is going to be extremely hard for you….. but if you can TRY your hardest not to say anything…. you just never know what he may have planned for you…. you may “think” he is working late and he could have scheduled to get off early…..or anything…. you said that he always keeps his word so don’t count him out just yet…
Good Luck to you!!!! Keep us posted!
Post # 14
I would wait for about a week after New Years and then say something! You can do it!