(Closed) What should I do?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Is she paying for any of the wedding? If no, she has no say in what kind of food you have. She may come from the generation where the mother of the bride (even though she’s the mother of the groom) made all the decisions. That’s not an excuse, but it could be an explanation. Anyhoo, your FI has already talked to her about it and she’s still continuing with this behavior. My suggestion is to stop talking about things that are wedding related around her.

Post # 4
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re definitely better off if you plan and pay for your honeymoon yourselves. It was a nice gesture of your MIL to offer to pay for your honeymoon, but it’s a weird thing to be controlling about. Most MILs have opinions, but I would think they would be based on the color of your bridesmaids dresses or the kind of flowers you choose- not where you and your new husband are going to go on your honeymoon. It’s clear she’s using this as a way to exert some kind of control, so you’re better off just paying for it yourselves. Think of it as an adventure! If money is an issue do your research on low cost activities and food- have a picnic on the beach! I would look into public transportation options instead of renting a car, which can be super expensive. Check out websites like gilt jetsetter or even livingsocial- they have great hotel deals and vacation options. It’ll be really sweet and romantic- I’m sure you’ll look back fondly to the honeymoon you too had when you were just starting out. Trust me, if your MIL isn’t in the picture it’ll be better overall.

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@craftyideas: I am so sorry! that really sucks – can your FI talk to her? better him than you getting in the middle you know? he can say things to his mother that you shouldn’t.

14 hours is a long drive – but my husband and I did the drive to Miami the first year we were dating (9 hours for us) and it was one of the most fun trips we have ever taken and a lot of it had to do with the roadtrip – so you guys will totally enjoy it, even if you are paying for it yourselves.

Since you have already decided to pay, honestly i would just politley decline the SA trip and say thanks but no thanks we have already started saving for the honeymoon in Miami that we have beend dreaming about for the past year. that will be a slap in the face.

Post # 6
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

That’s a stinky situation. My Dad told us that he was going to give us a nice chunk of money as a wedding gift and a month out told us he couldn’t =(

If you and your FH are just going to pay for the Miami trip yourselves then I wouldn’t do anything.. you’ve already found your solution…

I know you said you didn’t want San Antonio BUT I can vouch for the most amazing bed & breakfast is Comfort… about 40 mins drive to Riverwalk. Meyer Bed & Breakfast… We stayed in an amazing suite (Kings size bed, large jacuzzi tub in our open bathroom, and a living/sitting area… oh AND a fireplace) for 4 nights under 700. <– found it on a top 10 list for B&B in the Hill Country. And it far surpassed our expectations. DH and I couldn’t have had a more wonderful time.

Anyhoo… Sounds like you and your FH are doing everything right to set the boundary. It’s just going to take a bit for her to actually abide by it. You let your FH set her straight and you just go about your business and get what works for you two =)

Post # 8
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Ok she is out of line but you need to tread lightly. If she is as controlling as you say and something of a self proclaimed queen she may not be ready to give up her crown.

 

Is it your wedding? Yes. So don’t discuss wedding related stuff UNLESS she is paying…sad but true “he who pays the piper, generally calls the tune”

Do you want kids? Getting in her face now is laying the ground work for a temoultuous(sp) future relationship.

Now my FMIL and FFIL and I have an amazing relationship, as far as they are concerned I am family already. Did this happen the second they saw me? No. Were there bumps in the road? Yes. Did we magically get so close? No. Hell it took YEARS to be a plus one at any family event, I worked hard to earn my position on the pedestal they have me on.

 

When my fiance picked me up on the only 2 days he had off (he was working nine hours away and therefore living 9 hours away temporarily), they flipped out, HORRIBLE things were said (things that weren’t even true).

BUT I kept my cool, never said one bad word and guess who ended up apologizing? His parents not me. Infact now it is a funny story his Mom tells at Easter about how crazy she got b/c he didn’t go “home” first. So she now tells the story, she comes off as crazy and I sound like I was sent from heaven!

 

Point, sure refuse her generosity, tell her you are paying yourself and let the war begin. Or say “I’m looking up restaurants and things to do in San Antonio. We’d spent the past year looking forward to Miami so all my travel info is a little obsolete *insert laugh to keep it light hearted*, oh this place looks nice! Suppose to be great Mexican food” Smile and thank her again for the honeymoon and hug her.

 

Tell your fiance to tell her how much HE wants to go to Miami, emphasis he must leave you out of it. You are the perfect FDIL and graciously accepting her generosity, he is going to play the son card (signs can whine to their mom).

When all is said and done either

1) You get Miami, She finds you agreeable and respectful, Never holds anything against her little boy

2)Go to SA and make the best of it, you look gracious and not like a coniving woman trying to steal her “crown” and son, she shakes her head at him trying to protest the trip

 

Pick your battles, you have your whole life. I once thought I’d never be accepted and now I have a pedestal and a halo!

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