Post # 1
So i recently just discovered a bunch of “nudy pictures” on my FH’s computer that we share.. when i asked him about it.. he told me they were on there since before we started dating.. when i checked the recent history on the internet – -he showed all these XXX websites. what do i do?! i confronted him.. and he still lied to me… its not even to point of what he was doing…its because he lied to me.. why would he even need to look at this stuff when we are about to get married? help! i need some advice.. i want to call off the entire wedding because of this.. i feel like ive lost trust in him.
Post # 3
Oh, I’m very sorry. I would be quite upset as well. I would definitely not be ok with him watching porn, and I personally would not marry someone who did that. But I can’t tell you if should reconsider the marriage, that is something you have to seriously ponder. Maybe it really isn’t so bad, perhaps he was searching for something else and those pictures sort of just popped-up and he gave them a look. I would think about it and try to get him to talk.
Post # 4
Give yourself a few days to cool off, let him know that what he did was wrong especially lying to you. I mean, men are pigs, they all are I dont care what anybody says. No matter how good your man is to you, god gave them eyes and thats what they will use it for. But he needs to be flat out honest with you, ask him if the tables were turned how would he feel? He has to confess or you can never trust him again, he needs to start building back his trust now or you wont be happy with him, good luck
Post # 5
He was probably worried about your reaction and a truthfully, a bit embarassed.
I guess it depends on your view of him watching porn – if you’re really against it, then how you treat this would be a lot different than if you don’t mind him occasionally watching it.
I think it’d be something worth having a serious discussion about and something you need to both figure out your stance on as a couple, but it’s definitely not something I’d be caling off the wedding for.
Post # 6
Yeah, this really depends on your view on porn in general. If you dont like it, you have to talk to him about it. It’s something that I would guess that MOST guys look at… whether it be playboy, or online porn, even the victoria secrets catalogs.
I personally don’t have a problem with porn.. as long as my FI isn’t doing something “interactive” with another person online, and he’s just watching a movie clip, I don’t have a problem with it..
Sometimes we’ll even watch something together, but like I said, I don’t have a problem with it.. it’s just fantasy – not reality… but again, that’s just my opinion.. you have to decide what your opinion is, and talk to him about it.
If it does really bother you, you need to talk, cause if he REALLY likes looking at it, he may not want to stop…
Post # 7
Hes a man. Thats it. He probably lied because because he was embarrased. Guys like to look but there is no emotion for these girls in the movies. He loves you.
Like Ella1978, it doesnt really bother me. I first I was a little taken back when I found out he watched it but I got over it real quick. I just realized its not a big deal. Now, if its all the time or hes watching it when he could be with you, that would be different. I would have a problem with that. But a little bit here and there does not bother me.
If it’s something you feel that strongly about you should talk to him again. If he knows how strongly you feel about it Im sure he would rather have you then the porn and he’ll stop.
Bottom line is hes a man. Id rather him watch porn then do something else.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
You need to talk to him about it – that’s the only way you’ll be able to feel better about it. Confront him about why he lied, and explain your feelings on porn. Once he knows how much it upsets you, I’m sure he’ll be much more understanding about it – like others have said, he was probably just embarrassed at having been caught.
Definitely talk to him about it as soon as you can! It will make you feel a lot better, and you’ll be able to decide as a couple what your policy is on porn-watching 🙂
Post # 9
Are yall going for pre-marital counselling? Might be something to bring up, esp if this is a deal breaker for you.
Post # 10
I’d definitely talk to him about it. I know there are people that are ok with porn (not me personally, but for some people it doesn’t bother them), but if it bothers you, you guys definitely need to talk about it….and about the lying.
My husband has had a problem with porn in the past, but when we were dating signed up for a service that matches you up with an accountability partner who is notified if you visit sites you shouldn’t (you can pick your own partner, so it’s someone you trust). So even though I didn’t always know if he was struggling with it, I knew he was actively trying to stay away because he didn’t want it to hurt me or our relationship.
So I think it comes down to how you view porn and how he views it. If he doesn’t think it’s a problem and you do, then it may be an issue. But couples counseling might help you through that