Post # 1
So long story short, my fiance and his brother have decided to go to Tokyo for his bachelor party. I know, right? But he just told me that the “only” time that they can go is June 7 and they’ll be gone for a week. So they should be back on June 14th. Here’s the problem that I have, the wedding is June 18th. So he won’t be around until 4 days before the wedding. I don’t know why but my gut feeling is that something is going to happen and we’ll have “The Hangover” moment. Where he’ll go missing, or something happens and he either will be late to the wedding or he won’t make it to the wedding. I’ve told him that I don’t mind that he goes to Tokyo without me (even though I would like to go), but what I do mind is that it will be right before the wedding. For some reason he can’t understand this. I odn’t know what to do, and I can’t understand why they can’t go maybe a week earlier.
And second question, now that I know that he’s going to Tokyo for his bachelor party, I kind of want a destintion bachelorette party. But I fell like I’ll be asking too much of my BMs if I do ask for it. Should I just let it go, in terms of the bachelorette party or should I maybe ask if it’s possible? Nothing as big as Tokyo, obviously, but maybe like Las Vegas or something. Thanks for any help in advance.
Post # 3
Do they *have* to go for a full week? It would make me nervous to be cutting it that close also, especially with how unreliable flights can be.
It doesn’t hurt to talk to your BMs, but don’t expect it out of them. I’m not sure what you/they were wanting to do, but big destination things like that can sometimes require more advance notice for people to be able to participate.
Post # 4
Hmm. Maybe explain your fears to him. Things like “I’m worried you might get stuck out there so close to the wedding” and things. Be honest with him. I think him going for any less than a week would be a bit of a waste of money – after all, he is flying all the way to Tokyo. But I also see your side of the story. Just say you’d love for him to go but can he please bump it up a couple weeks.
As for having your own destination party. Well there’s no harm in asking but I wouldn’t put my hopes up that high.
Post # 5
I’ve only had a short conversation with him, because he (in my opinion) strategically dropped the bomb on one of his breaks and said he’ll cal later but never called. But in that short convo. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable with him going so close to the wedding. He said that it does take a day to get out there, it is Tokyo. I don’t know, maybe we can work some thing out when I’m able to have an actual conversation with him. Thanks for the advice!!!
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Um, I’m with you on this one, no way would I be ok with my FH going on a major trip like that right before the wedding. Not only is that cutting it close but what about all the stuff that will have to get done in the 2 weeks leading up to the wedding?? I think it’s really unfair of him to basically lay it all on you by leaving for the week before the wedding! If it were me, I’d pretty much put my foot down on this one and say no way jose…
Post # 7
My main problem with the trip is the length….a week? That’s a bit ridiculous I think. I get that it’s Tokyo, so they can’t just go for a weekend, but I’m a pretty cool gal and a week is way too long (imo).
Post # 8
@ star_bee…I agree a week is a little long for a bachelor party…what would they be doing for a week? that is some serious partying!
Post # 9
Is your FI related to my FI?! I posted a while back about my FI wanting to go to Europe for a week during the summer to party with his GM and how uncomfortable I was with the whole thing. If he were planning to go within a month of the wedding I would blow a gasket!!!! Is there any reason he couldn’t do a weekend get away somewhere closer to home and perhaps not right before the wedding?!
As for the bachelorette, I kind of have to agree. When I found out what FI and his guys were planning I was pretty jealous and a little sad knowing that my girls just don’t have the kind of cash to do anything nearly as extravagent. However, keep in perspective that it’s about the people you’re with rather than the destination right? I’m sure your girls will throw you an awesome night (or maybe weekend) even if it’s close to home! We’re doing a weekend getaway in Niagara-on-the-Lake, but I have NO idea what we’re going to do. Maybe some winery tours? They’re keeping pretty quiet on the planning other than the “where”. In any case, I’m looking forward to it even though it’s not something exotic like Europe 🙂
Post # 10
My problem is not the length because if one has to spend 24 hr flying back and forth the pacific ocean, might as well spend at least a week there. However, it is too close to the wedding. Hopefully, when you get to talk to him, you guys will be able to figure out if he could make it earlier or why he can’t. Armed with some reason to persaude him like “families coming to town, last min- emergencies, last minute projects, etc”.
As for your own bachelorette party, I think it’s best not to compare it to your FI’s. More appropriately, compare it in the context of your own social circle (how lavish do u guys do other parties or bachelorette’s parties). Unless ur BMs are bathing in $, it may be too demanding for them. Imagine urself as the a BM planning a bachelorette party for ur friend and how you would like to be treated.
Post # 11
The thing that worries me is that it’s a really long flight. He might be off sleeping wise for a few days. It really is too close to the wedding.
For the bachelorette, I would try not to compare them. You don’t want to put an undue influence on your bridesmaids if they can’t afford to go away for it.
Post # 12
sorry I’ve been really busy with wedding things this weekend. But thank you soooo much for all your advice! It really helps tht I’m not alone on this one. I tried talking ot him about the timming and what not and he just wasn’t getting it. So I called his BM and told him that I don’t mind him going to tokyo, but I’m uncomfortable with it being so close to the wedding. Like, what if something like the iceland volcano incident happens and he’s stranded there for a week? Then he won’t make it to the wedding! That’s what worries me the most, is that he won’t be able to make it for the wedding if he goes that close to the wedding. So I talked to the BM and he said that the only time that he would be able to go is ina week. I told him thats fine with me, because then he’ll be there when all the stress will be getting out of hand and ill need him to help me keep grounded.