Post # 1
My bf works 4 hours drive away. Initially I was planning to quit my job and move to the small town where he works. I even spent money on school to prepare myself to get a job in the town. His boss cut all the pharmacists job hour because a new law just pass that allows pharmacy technicians to do some stuff pharmacists can do. Basically give techs more working hours. Last month i got a permanent and high salary offer from large hospital in the city. I decided to stay in the city. Bf wants to move back to the city but there’s too much pharmacists and lack of jobs plus bf is not an agressive person. After work he just plays video games. He does apply for job but its been one year and he is still work at the same place. I have saved enough money for down payment for my own place. My parents have always wanted me to move out only once I am married because they feel guys should pay for the place. It shouldn’t be I buy the place and whoever marries me just move in. we will both be 30 this year. Everyone around me either moved out from their parent’s home or are married. His mom and my mom initially had the same idea that I should hold of with the buying my own place until after we get married so that we can combine our money and buy a bigger place. Right now he hasn’t even completed step 1 which is getting a job back in the city. I look at other girls and their bf plan things for them and take care of them. They don’t have to worry about anything. My bf on the other hand takes a long time to decide on anything. He have people tell him what to do. He does not initiate in doing anything. It took him one year to decide whether to get an IPhone or Samsung. He finally decided on IPhone because the phone he’s been using for four years broke down on him. He just don’t have any planning. I tried to drag him to house buying workshops and he is not interested in it. It seems that I am 30 years old and he is like 15 years old. Do you think I should move on and look for someone else? Or should I sit and talk to him? Should I give him one more year to get a job? He is a nice guy, problem is because he hasn’t gotten a job in the city that cause me to be stuck where I am at now.
Post # 3
@vortex: You plan ahead, have ambition and are very mature. From what you describe, he lacks those qualities or has less of them than you.
Only you know if that is what you will want, every day of your life, for a partner.
Best wishes – I think you have a very bright future ahead of you! *hugs*
Post # 4
Are you in love with him? Are you prepared to be the leader, boss, and task master for all things in life? If the answer to both of those questions is “no”, then you should definitely leave.
Post # 5
@LoveBugBee: I guess mainly because I am studying master of Health administration part-time and working at a new job full-time that I am more busy right now so can’t properly think about if I am okay being the coordinator for him for the rest of my life. I personally don’t mind because I think a guy who is too controlling is not good for me. I guess that’s a good thing I have control of the finance in household if we do get together.
I guess mainly because my younger cousin just got married last week so I feel that everyone is moving to the next phase on their life while I am still stuck living with my parents. I am an only child so my parents really worry about me. If I get my own place every weekend they would still move in so that neighbours don’t think I live alone. My parents not only because of the money side but also for safety reasons they feel it is better I move out when I get married.
My bf after his undergrad he went to pharmacy school so he just graduated 2 years ago. I on the other hand came out to real working world after the 4 years of university. So I have 4 yrs of working experience ahead of him. I think the gap between us wouldn’t be huge if we came out to work around the same time. it took me 6 years to have a stable career so it is understandable that he’s not going to have a stable career within 2 years after graduation. He does wants children so he isn’t that awful. Our family have known each other for over 10 years so I don’t think there’s anyone I trust more than my bf to spend my life with. The only problem just that I don’t what he is thinking. I don’t know does he have any plans at all. I would admit I haven’t sat down and talked to him but I know he doesn’t plan to buy his own place now probably because he doesn’t live in the city and he doesn’t want to stay in the town for the rest of his life. Basically he hasn’t gotten a permanent career.
Post # 6
Think about how you feel–do you love him or is he just “safe”? When do you really want to be married, own a home, start a family, etc? Do you have any deadlines for these things? Are you okay with waiting until your BF matures? Are you okay with the risk and adventure associated with striking out on your own?
For me, motivation and ambition in my partner is very important. Not everything is about money; to me I value a man that seeks out new goals and then completes them. Indecisiveness drives me crazy.
However, a man with good character is also important. Nobody is perfect…you have to decide what is most important to you, what you are willing to compromise on, and how long you’re willing to wait.
Talk to your man about all of this. Be honest but not demanding. Let him know that he doesn’t have a whole year to hem and haw over his response to you. Good luck!!!
Post # 7
@vortex: To give me a better idea of the cultural context, would you mind telling me which country you’re living in?
Post # 8
I would actively consider leaving him. He sounds like he has no motivation, only potential. We all have potential, but if we don’t act on it, it’s useless. It would be tough leaving him after it’s all you’ve known but it might do you some good.