Post # 1
I am currently in a situation where I need some independant advise. Just a bit of background, my mum and dad split up around 3 years ago and my dad got a new girlfriend 2 years ago, my mum is still single however they do still get on. I have met my dads girlfield a few times but never really spoke as she doesnt ever seem to make any effort. Shes not a family person at all and makes that clear.
My dad always seems to complain about her and says that he will split up with her once she gets some money from her divorse. Basically they are renting together and have done since knowing each other for only 2 weeks as its cheaper for them both. He doesnt want to kick her out (the rented place is under his name) as she currently doesnt have any money for a deposit on another house. He’s said he will wait until she gets the pay-out from her previous mortgage and then split up with her which is horrible. Dad has been saying things like this for the past year and never says a single nice thing about her.
We are having a small wedding (32 people) and it doesnt feel right me allowing her to come. The reasons are because I know shes not going to be around for a while (because of my dad), she has never made any effort with me and it will be uncomfortable for everyone as no-one coming to the wedding knows her.
I did discuss this with him a few weeks ago and he said ‘ill sort it’ and said he probably wouldnt be with her by the time the wedding comes round in 3 months time anyway…but still is and were 8 weeks away from the wedding day. My dad came over again tonight and said that he understands it will be awkward however hes got to bring her with him and that he is willing to stop elsewhere with her than at the venue (currently we have 5 rooms allocated for the wedding and he had one). He also brought up that he will need to sit with her at the wedding breakfast…meaning either he isnt on the top table or she is. And I really cant have her on it so it means he will be sat elsewhere with her.
What do you advise I do? I initially thought that maybe I should arrange a meal with my dad and her however it doesnt feel right doing that knowing that they arent going to last. And I really would prefer her not to be on the photos which would make it awkward on the day having to make sure she stays back when my dad is called. I feel evil saying to her that she cant come as she probably is a nice person but it just doesnt feel right knowing that my dad doesnt want to be with her.
Please help me! and thanks for reading 🙂
Post # 2
I think you have to invite her. She’s been living with your dad for 2 years. By most people’s definitely – that’s a serious, long term couple. And, more importantly, your dad wants her to be invited. I think you have to do things based on the relationship as it stands, not what you think will happen in the future. It is, however, totally acceptable to not have her in all the photos. As for the breakfast, I’m not really sure of the setup is, as mine was casual and didn’t have assigned seating – could you just have similar seating from the wedding reception?
Post # 3
You need to act like you don’t know that information about him wanting to break up with her. It is your dad and you should give him a plus one. Make sure to have pics of just you guys with your dad but if there are group shots, then invite her in. It’s a definite you need to invite her. Thier relationship is just that..their relationship. What if he changes his mind and they are together another 10, 20 or more years? You never know. He’s with her now, they live together, you need to invite her.
Post # 4
Yes I suppose. I think if it was a larger wedding I wouldnt think twice about her coming, its just that we are literally having only people that we are really close to at the reception and then having a much larger evening reception. And there’s none of my dads family coming, only my mums so that makes it a little awkward too. Never mind, hopefully everything will go fine. And regarding changing the table plan, we dont really want to just to accomodate her, ill just stick my dad on another table and just have my mum and my H2B’s parents on the top table. Thanks both of you for the advise 🙂
Post # 5
You need to accept that she’s coming. Regarding the photos, simply instruct your photographer to make sure she gets some shots with just immediate family. Carry on.
Post # 6
She doesn’t have to be in the photos at all. She’s just a girlfriend (soon to be ex). Just tell her only SO’s who are actually married to the family can be in the pictures. Or engaged if you want. Whatever. For my family boyfriends/girlfriends weren’t included in pictures at events like that. Once we got engaged, they were included.
Post # 7
Normally I woud say you have to invite Dad’s GF, but can not tell if she is the GF or just a roommate. I woud say to him that she is invited if he wants. I would not include her in pictures. It doesnt sound like he wants her in pictures with you /groom and him. If she doe come to wedding, try to arrange in advance for someone to distrct her during pictures.