(Closed) What should I do about this? My name was left off wedding invitation

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@HockeyGirl:  I’m glad your FI is wanting to talk to his friend.  I think he is the one who should bring it up.  Maybe he can just say something casual like “Hey!  We received your invitation and aren’t sure how to send it back.  It seems HockeyGirl’s name was left off of the invite and I wanted to make sure she was invited before RSVPing for the both of us.”  or something like that.  That is obnoxious that they left your name off of both the STD and the invite!

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with @Brideonabudgetlauren:  Approach it like that first, then if he says you aren’t invited, you fiance can share with his “friend” what a d-bag his is for not inviting you to their wedding.  He can even “joke” that since planning your own wedding, he’s learned all these ettiquette rules and even he knew you were getting snubbed – his fiance should know better. 

Post # 5
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I dont mean to be rude at all but I dont think your name was left off, I think you weren’t invited. I think that as such, you should not go and it is up to you and your FI if he will still be in the wedding and go. I dont think he should. Honestly, that is a super akward situation for you and your FI to have been be put in, there is no way I would go.

Post # 6
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Definitely agree with @Brideonabudgetlauren: 

I sincerely hope it was an oversight on her part since engaged couples are considered ONE social unit.

Leave the hurt feelings out of the conversation for now; if you truly aren’t invited then you can have that conversation with them separately. Objectively inquire about the invite and drop it for now; it’s not worth stressing yourself and him over it. You can deal with it later.

I’m also surprised that your FI, being the Best Man didn’t get a plus one regardless of if he’s married/engaged/dating/single!

Post # 7
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Amen to @Brideonabudgetlauren: I think that is a great plan and then feel him out…. and take it from there. Please keep us posted as I wont lie I am super curious to hear how this one plays out!  

Post # 8
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@happybunny:  +1

I tend to agree. I don’t think she made a mistake since this happened TWICE. In addition, you pointed out the fact that another engaged couple was invited as a pair. Even for our nearest and dearest friends, we addressed it to both people, so I don’t think this is an oversight or “oh they’re friends so they know” type thing.

Post # 9
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@happybunny:  +1

@lilbluebird:  +1

 

You can have the conversation as @Brideonabudgetlauren:  has suggested, but I’m very inclined to believe it was not an oversight, I think they just didn’t invite you.

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Especially since he’s going to be the best man — he better be getting a +1!

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@HockeyGirl:  I’m glad your FI is going to say something. I don’t think you should let their etiquette gaffe go by just assuming you weren’t meant to be invited and not attending.

It’s such an egregious error that (1) it should hopefully be a mistake or (2) they should be alerted to the fact that it’s unacceptable to invite half of an engaged couple.

ETA: I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m hoping it was just a mistake. 🙁

Post # 12
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d tend to think that you just aren’t invited. I think that in this case, it would be incedibly rude for them not to invite you, especally as he is a member of the bridal party I personally think your fiance should just speak to him about it. 

Post # 13
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yep, just have your fiance ask the groom. Sure, it puts them in a slightly awkward situation if they intended not to invite you, but that is INCREDIBLY rude of them not to invite you, so they put themselves in the awkward situation.

Post # 14
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

+1 to FI having a talk with his friend to ascertain you’re invited. It could all be an oversight.

That said, if you are not invited, I think your FI should refuse to be Best Man. But hopefully it’s all a misunderstanding and won’t come to that.

Post # 15
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@HockeyGirl:  Whether it was an oversight or intentional, something needs to be said especially considering your FI is the best man and you are engaged.

FI needs to contact his friend and say, “We got your S-T-D and invitation but my fiance’, HockeyGirl’s, name was on neither. Is she invited?” Simple and to the point.

If the friend is dumbfounded and says, “Oh, geez, so sorry of course she is!” Then great. If the friend says, “No.” then your fiance’ might reconsider being best man. You should both be invited or neither considering your FI’s position in their wedding and that you are engaged. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Perhaps the FI went behind the groom’s back and did not invite you? I would definitely suggest your FI bring it up with the groom. If you are and have been friend’s for a long time I can’t see him not wanting to invite you, especially if your FI is going to be his best man. 

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