Post # 1
So myself and another girl are the Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. We are planning the bachelorette party, however I feel I have had absolutely no day in the plans whatsoever.
We are planning a trip to Chicago for the long weekend, and based on my calculations it will cost about $450 to go not including food or spending money. the bride has no idea where we are going or what we are doing- she is being surprised. I have tried suggesting to the other Maid/Matron of Honor alternative and less expensive trips, but it has been fruitless as she disagrees with my suggestions and insists that this would be te same amount as some more local destinations.
I am feeling like the odd man out, and while I am thrilled to be part of the bride’s wedding I feel really stressed by this trip. I am in another wedding as well, and I am planning my own wedding for this fall. I have a 2 year old daughter and finances are tight at the moment. I know the bride would be incredibly upset if I didn’t attend her bachelorette, however I feel as though this is a huge stress both financially and emotionally for me. Truthfully aside from the bride, I don’t trust the other girls to look out for me. In fact I findthe other Maid/Matron of Honor to be very inconsiderate.
I don’t know what to do. If I didn’t attend the bachelorette I would certainly make up for it and take her to a spa or something myself. I just feel really torn and as though I have no control over anything happening on this trip!
Post # 2
Bebedreamr: I would just tell the other Maid/Matron of Honor that you can’t afford that amount and won’t be able to attend. Send a nice card to the bride and tell her you will miss being part of the bachelorette and hope she has a great time.
I see no need for a make-up gift or experience.
Post # 3
Bebedreamr: I’d try and be more insistant with the other Maid/Matron of Honor about organising an alternative less expensive bachelorette.. you won’t be the only one that can’t afford to spend that much and i’m sure the bride would rather have everyone there! I’d be mortified if my bridesmaids and friends were spending that much per person just to celebrate my hens night!
It boggles my mind how much I see bees on here being forced to pay for these weekends away.. Mine will probably be max $100 per person (and no gifts) and even that feels like a lot!
Post # 4
My advice is to be open and honest and tell the bride IN ADVANCE what is going on. If it’s finances, tell her that it is. If it’s that you just don’t trust the other girls and feel awakward, TELL HER. I know it would hurt me if this were done and I wasn’t informed and I wasn’t given the opportunity to fix it.
Two of my bridesmaids bailed on my bachelorette last minute. They didn’t tell me they were bailing (at all) and they asked my friend to cancel their hotel room the day before the trip. It was a terrible way to handle it. They said that work was really busy for them (they both have different jobs and happen to be best friends, so I found that a little odd) and that was the problem. In reality, I think it was the finances. I would have liked to have KNOWN it was the finances and then we’d pick an easier, more affordable option, I wanted to make sure everyone could afford it and they assured me they could. In the end, all my girls and I picked Atlantic City – including the two who bailed who seemed to be pushing it heavily. with transportation there, two nights with 4 to a room – ended up being about $150 just getting there and staying there. plus bottle service at the club, and all that.
They did not attend and it did hurt me to see that they went out instead of “working” the weekend of my bachelorette, lol.
Randomly my aunt – who was in Atlantic City for her anniversary, came to eat with me and my bachelorette gang – which involved 3 of her nieces (my cousins). She gave each us each a LOT of cash. She paid for the entire weekend. Dinners, bottle service at the club, money for a strip club (lol) AND our hotel stay. no joke.
Post # 5
Maybe explain to her why a different trip should be planned…im sure she can understand that you cant afford it right now..