What should I expect from my MOH?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I being unreasonable?
    Yes : (8 votes)
    73 %
    No : (3 votes)
    27 %
    Other (explain below) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    7243 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    trainergirl:  First off stop counting her money. It is such a rude thing to do and when brides do it it makes them sound selfish because it is usually over things that the BRIDE wants for HER wedding.

    If she hasn’t bought her dress in time for the wedding then she has taken herself out of the wedding (or you could just buy her the dress).

    Everything else you have mentioned are not requirements of a BM/MOH. They are things they choose to do if they want to/can afford to.

    Post # 3
    Member
    41831 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Expect nothing and you will be pleasantly surprised.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7243 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    julies1949:  That is a great philosophy for life in general that I wish more people adhered to. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I thought MOH/bridesmaids pretty much only had to wear the dress you choose for them and show up? Just because you’re the bride doesn’t give you a right to boss your friends/family members around.

    Post # 7
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2025

    trainergirl:  Sorry, but the only thing you should expect your MOH to do is to show up to the ceremony ON TIME and IN THE DRESS/SHOES you specify. Other than that, there is no written rule that says they should be doing a, b, c, d. A lot of times, the MOH will offer to help with the stuff you mentioned above, but they aren’t obligated to.

    My MOH is super pregnant right now, but I never even thought about how much she was contributing/prioritizing my wedding and her “role”. So… she’s not going to my bachelorette (can’t leave the baby), she didn’t go with me to buy my dress (but she was there when I tried it on), and I’m not having a bridal shower. Obviously her baby comes first, everything else comes second. I’m just happy that my bff will be standing up front with me the day of 😀

    Post # 8
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2025

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    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  bphi163.
    Post # 9
    Member
    6906 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    trainergirl:  It sounds to me like she reluctantly went along with the bridesmaid dress cost of $225, and is now complaining because it is turning out to be considerably more than what she expected.

    I would expect her to get a dress and be involved in bachelorette + bridal shower. But I avoided the cost drama by paying for my girls’ dresses.

    Post # 11
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    trainergirl:  honestly expectations of a MoH really depend on where you live… Like in my little Canadian town, there are lots of MoH expectations. I’ll make a little list…

    okay expectations:

    – keeping in communication, usually MOH should be someone you talk to everyday anyway, you want someone close

    – assisting you in planning bachelorette party and organizing

    – planning a bridal shower with the assistance of other bridesmaids or brides

    – helping set up things for stag and doe, jello shots, raffle baskets, etc ( this again is cultural, where im from everyone has stag and does, some people find them tacky in other places)

    – covering the cost of her dress, hair and makeup ( it’s nice to look for reasonable priced dresses Like under 100 dollars)

    – helping you put on your dress and shoes on the day of

    – showing up.. Definitely

    -enjoying your wedding night with you! 🙂

    not okay expectations:

    – expecting MOH to postpone their life, travelling, having kids…

    – leaving MoH in charge of your emotional staleness and leaving them alone to fend off your family

    – expecting MOH to deal with drama so you don’t have to

    – expecting MOH to deal with poor behaviour because it’s your wedding

    – expecting MoH to travel a far distance without making accommodations for her ( staying in your home, letting her bring a guest) 

    – asking moh to lie, or hide something from other people in the wedding so you don’t have to deal with if

    not saying you were doing any of these things, just notes from my own experiences 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Surrey, BC, Canada

    I think expectations and hopes are different things. Really all you can expect is for her to show up (yes, in the chosen dress lol) and look half-decent. However I am in agreeance with you on what you’re saying, but on a “hope” basis. Meaning, I know I have no right to expect those things, but I would HOPE that my MOH would want to be more involved (especially since she’s your sister). Sometimes it’s difficult to think of those as different things but it might make it easier. Not sure what advice to offer though. Good luck with the situation.

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