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I would just delay, delay, delay. Don't write the letter until after you have accepted the position. The law is that they aren't allowed to ask you questions about being pregnant or having a family during an interview. It's awkward since you brought it up first, but to contain the damage I think you should ignore that guy's request to write a letter.
I agree with snmcdowell. Just because you told this one person, doesn't mean that they can now require you to disclose it to anyone and everyone they think ought to know. They would be incredibly short sighted not to hire you just because you might miss a few weeks of work, but at the same time we all know the world is full of incredibly short sighted people :(. Wait until you have an offer letter in hand.
If he asks about the letter again, I would say something like "I've thought about it some more, and I don't want to put the director into an awkward position since by law he is not allowed to use my pregnancy as a reason not to hire me." This gets the point across that you know your rights without sounding threatening.
At the same time, you might want to consider the fact that if you do go through with writing the letter, you then have it in writing that they knew about your pregnancy, and that they had in fact asked you to disclose it. Then if they don't hire you, you have a much better case to say it was discrimination because of the pregnancy, whereas if this guy just tells the director on his own and you don't get the job, you would not be able to prove the director knew. However that doesn't really help you because what you really want is the job, not a good case to make in court :(
This is such a crappy situation. I hope everything works out. Keep us updated!
Even though you offered up that you were pregnant, they still can't NOT hire you because of that. Now it will be hard if you and this other candidate are about equally qualified and its not like you really want to go into a lawsuit over it.
I would say delay if you can. Is there a way you could write a letter but not say you are pregnant?
I would have advised to wait until they have formally offered you the position. You have no obligation to disclose that during the hiring process, although I think it is courteous to tell before or when you accept the position, but after it's been formally offered.
At this point, I'd agree that you should put it in writing, so that you have legal recourse if they choose not to follow through and offer you the position.
Officially, they can't discriminate against you because you are pregnant. I do understand that they won't be able to give you paid maternity leave right away or anything but if you aren't expecting that (and can work at home with the baby like I remember you mentioning before), I don't see how it's their business. Yes, it will be hard on you adjusting to a new place, a new baby, and a new job all at once but a lot of people can handle stress like that!
yeah i'm going to delay it...I totally feel like a dummy for teling him when I should have just waited, but I just felt like if I did wait, it would put a damper on the trust between myself and the host. I'm going on 15 weeks...so by the time everything was cleared and we actually moved up to NY I would be close to 20 weeks...I just didn't want him to find out a couple of weeks into the job and my belly's showing...but now I realize I should have just waited...
That is a toughie. I am guessing at this point if you don't tell the director the host will. So you might need to write that letter. Perhaps you can document in the letter that the host had already verbally said you had the job?? While it is illegal to discriminate because you are pregnant that would be really hard to prove since you don't have the offer yet, so maybe putting a lot down in writing will help? I really don't know....
For others out there, agree its best to tell after you have the official on paper offer but before you accept (so as not to destroy trust).
PROBLEM AVERTED! I just got my offer letter! yay! so I e-mailed back my confirmation and disclosed the pregnancy as well :)
Congrats!!!
And if you need any NYC advice, let me know :) have lived here for 10 years and love it - and think having a baby in the city will be a ton of fun (at least for the first few years :)
Oh that is great news! Glad to hear it all worked out for you! And congrats on the little one on the way!
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Hey hive...Need some help...as some of you know, I am pregnant and have been interviewing for a job in NY for the past couple of months(who knew they were gonna be this slow?!?!?) I work at a radio station and they want to transfer me with the show that I was working on that moved from DC to NY last year. I am very close with the host, we've had a very good working relationship for a number of years, and in the spirit of full disclosure, so as not to feel like I would blindside him by telling him after I accepted the offer, I told him earlier today that I was pregnant but still fully committed to the show. It definitely didn't go as well as I would have thought, he definitely had some deep reservations about me moving, having a baby, and the new adjustments of being in NY, and he didn't really seem convinced with my assertions that this wont change my job performance. He also asked me to send a letter to the director to let him know as well. the reservation that I have with that is a. the director wanted to hire someone else in the first place (the host told me this) b. they haven't officially given me the offer letter yet. So I feel like if I say something to him, they can easily go with someone else, because there was never anything in writing that says I was going to get this job. the only thing that I have is the unofficial word from the host who said they are writing up my offer letter. So I need some advice. Now that I have told the host and he wants me to tell the director, I have no idea what to say to convey that I am still very committed to my job responsibilities and to the job. So help! I need help constructing a letter...
Has anyone been in a similar position? I know the question has been asked before, but how did you convince your boss that you were committed to the position even though you are pregnant?