(Closed) What should I say to my boss?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would just delay, delay, delay. Don’t write the letter until after you have accepted the position. The law is that they aren’t allowed to ask you questions about being pregnant or having a family during an interview. It’s awkward since you brought it up first, but to contain the damage I think you should ignore that guy’s request to write a letter.

Post # 4
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with snmcdowell.  Just because you told this one person, doesn’t mean that they can now require you to disclose it to anyone and everyone they think ought to know.  They would be incredibly short sighted not to hire you just because you might miss a few weeks of work, but at the same time we all know the world is full of incredibly short sighted people :(.  Wait until you have an offer letter in hand. 

If he asks about the letter again, I would say something like “I’ve thought about it some more, and I don’t want to put the director into an awkward position since by law he is not allowed to use my pregnancy as a reason not to hire me.”  This gets the point across that you know your rights without sounding threatening.

At the same time, you might want to consider the fact that if you do go through with writing the letter, you then have it in writing that they knew about your pregnancy, and that they had in fact asked you to disclose it.  Then if they don’t hire you, you have a much better case to say it was discrimination because of the pregnancy, whereas if this guy just tells the director on his own and you don’t get the job, you would not be able to prove the director knew.  However that doesn’t really help you because what you really want is the job, not a good case to make in court 🙁

This is such a crappy situation.  I hope everything works out.  Keep us updated!

Post # 5
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Even though you offered up that you were pregnant, they still can’t NOT hire you because of that.  Now it will be hard if you and this other candidate are about equally qualified and its not like you really want to go into a lawsuit over it.  

I would say delay if you can.  Is there a way  you could write a letter but not say you are pregnant?  

Post # 6
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would have advised to wait until they have formally offered you the position. You have no obligation to disclose that during the hiring process, although I think it is courteous to tell before or when you accept the position, but after it’s been formally offered.

At this point, I’d agree that you should put it in writing, so that you have legal recourse if they choose not to follow through and offer you the position.

Post # 7
Hostess
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Officially, they can’t discriminate against you because you are pregnant.  I do understand that they won’t be able to give you paid maternity leave right away or anything but if you aren’t expecting that (and can work at home with the baby like I remember you mentioning before), I don’t see how it’s their business.  Yes, it will be hard on you adjusting to a new place, a new baby, and a new job all at once but a lot of people can handle stress like that!

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

That is a toughie.  I am guessing at this point if you don’t tell the director the host will.  So you might need to write that letter.  Perhaps you can document in the letter that the host had already verbally said you had the job??    While it is illegal to discriminate because you are pregnant that would be really hard to prove since you don’t have the offer yet, so maybe putting a lot down in writing will help? I really don’t know….

For others out there, agree its best to tell after you have the official on paper offer but before you accept (so as not to destroy trust).

Post # 11
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Great, I’m glad it all worked out! (and Congratulations!!!)

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Congrats!!!

And if you need any NYC advice, let me know 🙂  have lived here for 10 years and love it – and think having a baby in the city will be a ton of fun (at least for the first few years 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh that is great news!  Glad to hear it all worked out for you!  And congrats on the little one on the way!

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