(Closed) What should my son call my new husband?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think he has the right to ask your son to call him ‘dad’ as he’s not his dad, he already has one.

What does your son want to call him? He might be only seven but it really is his choice.

 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

have you asked your son?   if hes ok with it what about pop or pa but i wouldnt push the issue, it has to be his choice

Post # 5
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@BerryBerry:  I agree…he’s old enough to decide what name he wants to use. To this day I call my stepmother Stepmommy.

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My dad remarried when I was around 6 years old and I toyed around for a little while with calling her “Mom” but ultimately I started calling her by her first name because it felt right. I agree that it should be left up for your son to decide what he is comfortable calling your FI. Tell him his options and leave it up to him. Personally I feel uncomfortable with the suggestion the counselor gave for one reason. “Daddy” is a term that is normally used by young children…so when your son outgrows the “Daddy” stage it might be hard for him to figure out what to call your FI and you’ll be in this situation again.

Post # 7
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My step dad has been in my life since I was about 8. I call him by his first name. He is a father figure to me but I would never call him dad.

My kids will call him grandpa but I don’t call him dad. I would just be uncomfortable with it. 

Post # 8
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the PPs who said to let your son decide what he wants to call him.  He’s old enough to decide what feels right for him. My older siblings have always called my dad, dad, even though he’s not their bio dad. We grew up all living together as a family, and my dad has always supported and been their for them. I know your ex is in the picture, and is a good dad, but my dads mom told him before he married that if he marries my mom, her children would be his, and he should always treat them that way and never view them as stepkids. So I think if your fi is taking this responsibility seriously, which it sounds like he is, you should look at it as your son getting a bonus dad, and not a replacement. But again, whatever your son wants to call him should be a-ok with both you and your ex.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s kinda weird that the counselor and your FI have an opinion on something that should be completely up to your son – he might not call him anything for awhile, or keep using his first name, and I think that is fine – he should be able to decide what he is comfortable with, I wouldn’t even ask because to me it seems like that would come off as pressure for him to have some special name for your FI.

Post # 10
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My son will be 13 when I marry my fiance and he calls him by his first name, and will continue to do so after we’re married. 

My fiance has a 13 year old daughter, and she calls me by my first name also. I would never think of asking her to call me “mom”, and I know my fiance wouldn’t ask my son to call him “dad”. 

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

what does your son call him now? 

when my dad remarried, i was about 14 and my younger sister was 7.  we have always called her by her first name.

Post # 13
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

@Wonderstruck:  Totally agree with this.  The decision should be your son’s, based on what kind of relationship he feels he has with your new husband.

My parents each remarried when I was about three years old.  For whatever reason, I call my stepmom by her first name and my stepdad “Dad,” though I have always maintained a close relationship with my biological dad.

Post # 14
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t have any personal experience with this, but one of my best friends grew up with a step dad.  I believe her mother married him when she was very young (less than 5 years old) and she’s always called him by his first name.

I agree with many of the other posters though.. ask your son what he’d like to call your new hubby.  :o)

Post # 15
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

My step dad came into my life when I was 5. I call him by his first name. He’s not my dad. I DO call my step-grandparents Grandma and Grandpa though (weird?). I think it’s a bit unusual to call a step-parent by anything but their first name.

 

Post # 16
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is something your son should decide. Even at 7 he will know what he is comfortable with. If in time he choses to call him Dad or a form of Dad it is his call, in my books anyway. I think the other bees so far have given you some great answers that you could share with your fiance, perhaps it will shed some new light on the situation in his eyes. 

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