Post # 1
Hi Bees! You have all been so helpful throughout this process… here’s another question for you!
My mother and future MIL are a bit, shall we say, overbearing. I can tell that they just want to be involved, but it’s getting kind of ridiculous. The suggestions. The “Well XYZ had this, so I think you should do it at your wedding too!” Sigh.
Instead of throwing a tantrum, I realized that what they’re doing isn’t mean-spirited. They just need tasks. What things should I delegate to them so that they feel included (but a bride with a plan wouldn’t need to micro-manage)?
Post # 3
@AndcjSaid: My mom has always been into photography, so I made her in charge of researching photographers.
Post # 4
I had them gather all of the contact information for their halves of the family.
Post # 5
OK, contact info is done, photographer is done… I’m seriously on top of things, which is perhaps where the problem lies. There really isn’t much left to do.
Rentals? Favors? Bridesmaids gifts?
Any other ideas?
Post # 6
i wouldn’t give the task of Bridesmaid gifts to your mom/MIL. i think that should be something personal that you do.
Favors might be a good one. She/They could research different options and give you ideas and price
What about: escort cards (ideas at least), guest book, programs?
Post # 7
My parents are picking out the wine for the reception. They know more about wine than we do, so it’s a good task for them.
Post # 8
My mom was in charge of holding onto everything. I shipped her most of the centerpiece and decoration objects to be in charge of safekeeping and bringing to the wedding. Granted she was closer to the wedding venue than I was. Given that situation she was also in charge of picking up my dress and accessories and making sure they were cleaned and pressed for the day.
My MIL was in charge of the out of town guest bags. I really didn’t want to even have them, and she really did, so I said fine it’s your project. She made beautiful bags and filled them with wonderful things.
Post # 9
I haven’t actually given her any tasks, some things she’s just done. Like she gathered all of my family’s contact information and she’s offered to help me address all the STD’s. My mom’s main duty is to give me her opinion when I ask for it. I like receiving her input because she never oversteps but she gives me a different perspective that’s super helpful.
I did have my dad be in charge of finding a hotel to block off for guests.
Post # 10
My mum’s making the cake, so that’s definitely her area rather than mine. I like the idea of putting parents in charge of favours, although we’re not having any. My FMIL and her husband are also organising guest transport and looking into different options for transport for the bridal party, as I have absolutely no preferences beyond ‘not too expensive’!
Post # 11
Out-of-town bags is a great one — my mom and MIL aren’t controlling at all, but both families ended up having a lot of collaborative fun with these. Hotel block, coordinating transportation for OOT guests (even if that’s just pairing people who need rides with people who have extra seats in the car), and discussing the logistics of the day.
But you also need to see if wanting tasks is really something that will make them feel like they have a stake in the day…or whether they really do just want the whole thing to go their way. If “helping” you doesn’t help them calm down, then it’s boundary-setting time.
Post # 12
researching florists (give them pictures of waht you think you want and have them go to the florists to talk about prices and avalibility), favor ideas, cake servers and champaign flutes, guest books, escort cards, and SEATING CHART! Seriously if you place your friends they can work together to fill in everyone else and then you don’t have to deal with it. If she is crafty pick a favor that has to be decorated or assembled so they can have little crafting parties by them selves to keep occupied. I have become the master at distracting my grandmother while I am trying to get things done over the years, its a serious skill. Make sure you give them tasks that you don’t really care about. If they pick a favor that you don’t like they might get offended for asking to help in the first place