Post # 1
I am about to turn into an uber bridezilla with this woman! She has been pretty controlling about a lot of things in the wedding. Especially things she is helping to pay for. Because she is helping I have been pretty lenient. I have let some things fly. However, she is NOT planning what we are serving for dinner. I don’t want sorbet served with our wedding cake (this isn’t a cake and ice cream affair). She WILL NOT be standing at the alter with us the entire time. We are chosing our own ketubah and text. She is not riding in our car away from the wedding with us no matter how close it is to her hotel. And no way in HELL is she going to be given a choreographed dance at the wedding. We wanted to surprise both sets of parents with their first dance song from their wedding. Other people were going to be dancing with them but to their song. We were really excited about it too. Then his mom pretty much demanded it be played. Frustrated me but fine. Since we were going to play it anyway.
Today is their wedding anniversary so they apparently took some dance lessons. And them Mr. Hedgie gets this on Facebook chat:
FMIL: Daddy and I just learned a whole choreographed dance for your wedding, so you MUST have the DJ play the song I told you about!
Mr Hedgie: Which song?
FMIL: theme from “Tootsie”, “It Might Be You”, by Stephen Bishop.
please please please and pretty please with cheese on top
Uhm. HELL EFFING NO! They are not dancing a choreographed dance at our wedding. They are not the center of attention. I don’t even want their song played now because she went on later to say that she wants the dance floor cleared so they have enough room to dance and not run into people. So, they want a special dance just for them where all eyes are on them. Mr. Hedgie and I aren’t even choreographing our first dance. So… NO!
Post # 3
@Mrs Hedgehog: uh-oh i think you might be over reacting just a tad
Post # 4
Holy crap!! I think she needs her own wedding:( Maybe you can suggest a renewal ceremony for here so she can do what she wants. I feel for you. Stick to your guns!!
Post # 5
@MrsNeutrino: I am just curious, if I am over reacting. How would you react? Seriously. Not trying to be mean at all. If I am really over reacting then please give an alternative. Because I woul really like to not feel like ringing her throat.
Post # 6
OP-You probably are over reacting just a tiny bit, but it’s completely understandable.
I know the whole how much attention should the bride get on the wedding day can get to be a touchy subject, but honestly, your FMIL is trying to share the spotlight when it’s not.her.day! She’s already had her wedding and it sounds like she’s trying to plan another one for herself. Maybe live vicariously through your wedding.
I personally wouldn’t want this sort of thing either. Like the mom in Mean Girls who just wouldn’t let her daughter be alone. She stood up and got in the prom pictures and also danced along with the choreographed christmas dance. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about I can probably find a video or something. lol)
I believe that the wedding day is special for the bride and groom and they should be able to bask in all the attention people can give them.
You probably can’t put your foot down too much since she’s paying, and I hate to advise this, but the passive-agressive route may work best here. I prefer straight out confrontation most of the time, but sometimes it just wont work.
For instance, with the dance issue. I would let her believe she’s going to have her spotlight moment…and then when the time comes just have everyone get up and join. lol Have the DJ make an announcement. Grab people and pull them on the dance floor.
With the caterer. Feel free to call later and change it.
Post # 7
You are NOT overreacting. I’d probably go bridezilla on her, but have a short temper.
My FMIL has asked for some pretty ridiculous stuff and my FI has been wonderful about putting his foot down (I’m so lucky!) So I haven’t had to deal with most of it.
Post # 8
I don’t feel like you are overreacting. This is NOT their day even if they are contributing to it financially. Like the person said above maybe they need to think about having hteir own day so they can have their own spotlight. This day is not about them.
Post # 9
@Miss Audrey: ditto this. Plus, I’m not afraid to call up my FI’s parents and let them know my opinion (and the last time I did this, I didn’t even loose my temper! go me!!! LOL!)
@Mrs Hedgehog: I’d do the SAME THING. Or, have the dance floor so crowded that they CAN NOT do the dance they want, hehehehehe. Ok, so, I’d totally go with nixing their song completely just to be a complete and utter bridezilla (bet you thought I was gonna say the OTHER “b” word, didn’t ya? 😉 )
sorry you gotta deal with this! Hope she comes back to earth after the wedding!
Post # 10
Totally NOT overreacting. It’s NOT her day. It sounds like you have been lenient and going with the flow, but she’s really trying to take over. You don’t have to give in to every little thing. Don’t be a bia**, but don’t sit there and be a push over and have regrets later. Speak up in the nicest way possible.
Post # 11
I definately do not think you are overreacting. That is just insane! Their own choreographed dance? What the frack!? I would let the DJ know that under NO circumstance is he to play that song, no matter how many requests he gets from her. Thank god my FMIL hates to be the center of attention and would never do anything like that!!! But…it is your fiance’s mom so it’s his responsibility to put his foot down..you shouldn’t have to be the bad guy here
Post # 12
Holy Freak! that is nuts and i even LOLd at the thought!
Post # 13
@FunfettiCupcakes: I wish. He refuses to grow a pair with his mother and believe me… that is a sore spot in our relationship.
Post # 14
i was slightly thinking OP was over reacting but added to the other stuff – yeah…. be sure to keep her in her place because it wont go away after you marry
so what did your FI say and huh, she wanted to stand at the alter for the entire ceremony, whats with that?
Post # 15
@eloping: according to her it is a Jewish tradition. Which is true. But they are super reform and don’t even attend services on any of the High Holy Days. I conceded to both his parents walking him down the aisle. That was okay. But having her at the alter? Not okay.
Post # 16
I agree with tunacupcakes. Your fmil may be a bit overbearing but at least she isn’t a total monster like my fmil. She is actually helping you financially, though that does not make it her wedding, it means that she has some say. If you want to plan the wedding by yourself maybe you should kindly decline her money. I think a nice sit down conversation about who is actually getting married here might also be in order.