What the heck! Surprised by bridesmaids

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well those aren’t really gifts. Presents associated with the wedding aren’t gifts, I paid for my BMs hair and makeup but that was not a gift, I just wanted them to look good. You need to get them something else.

Post # 4
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@bb1646:  It’s not really a gift if it’s something you’re requiring for your wedding.  I think that’s where the lack of gratefulness comes in.  Generally, if a bride wants her girls’ hair a certain way or to go to a certain salon, it’s customary for her to pay.  

Post # 5
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Paying for their hair and makeup isn’t a “gift”. If you want them to have their hair and makeup done, you should be paying for it. 

Post # 6
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Not everyone likes being pampered.  I personally HATE being touched, so make up and hair is difficult for me.  I did do it for my wedding, and did make up for my boudoir shoot….but other than that, that type of pampering is just not something I’m into….plus, I have a good relationship with my hair stylist so I know her as more than a stylist.

 

 

Also, not everyone is into spending money on things like this. 

 

 It was a nice gesture on your part.  What I would do is finalize the count of people coming with you and let the other’s know they are on their own for their hair and makeup, and tell them where to meet you after that has been completed for you.

ETA: sorry totally missed where these were your gifts to them.  Yeah, buying them anything for the wedding is NOT a gift.  I would get them something personal.  I made my bm’s glittery wine glasses, and got them semi prescious gemstones for necklaces, and made sure the properties of the stones matched things they liked/were actively working on in their lives. 

Post # 7
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you wanted their hair and makeup to be a certain way, they should have expected you to pay for it. That’s not really a gift to them. Usually giving gifts of things that are required for the wedding day is frowned upon. I can do a better job with my makeup than most makeup artists, so for me, that would be a waste of money.

I think it was nice to pick up the check for those expenses, but I wouldn’t expect them to like write you a thank you note or anything.

 

Post # 9
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Every wedding I have been in including mine, the bride has paid for the hair and makeup, so ya it is an everyday thing. If you were paying for like pedis and manis it would be different, but this is just hair and makeup, totally different.

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bb1646:  maybe get them gift certificates for manis and pedis instead?  Something they can use any time.

Post # 11
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Depending on how you told them, it may have been unclear to them that this was their gift.  Maybe they thought that it was required; as such, the bride would be expected to pay, and it wouldn’t really be a gift.  If they are good at doing their own hair and makeup, I can understand why they might have seen professional hair and makeup as not much of a gift.  If you haven’t already, I would at least write them heartfelt thank-you notes.

 

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I understand PPs comments. On the flip side, your bridesmaids are presumably people who care a lot about you, so they shouldn’t really expect a gift for being your bridesmaids. I can’t tell whether they just think the makeup is unnecessary or whether they want a different gift.

With that being said, I really dislike having my makeup done professionally. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, and I always end up feeling like a clown when a “pro” does it. I’d much rather do my own makeup for a friend’s wedding (and probably even for my own).

Post # 13
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Honestly, I’d be grateful if I was in a wedding where a bride took on all of those expenses herself. Although the general rule of thumb for hair and make-up is bride pays for it if it’s required, you were absolutley not required to buy their dress and shoes, and while those are requirements for the wedding, I think you’ve done a lot to make sure that there are are nearly no costs associated with being in your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

I’ve never had any of these things paid for me, and I’ve been in tons of weddings.  I think it’s a very generous gesture, and I’m sorry they don’t see it that way!  A few times, the bride has gifted us with necklaces, to be worn during the wedding.  So I guess the “it not a gift if its wedding-related” doesn’t always apply.

Post # 16
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bb1646:  I think your bridesmaids could have been polite and thanked you even if they didn’t consider it a gift.

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