(Closed) What the hell is wrong with teens these days?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 Don’t allow her to use the computer, and definitely have an adult conversation about her words to others.  I’m sure there’s another side to the story, but she can’t be saying things like that to people.  If she doesn’t take you seriously, some tough love will have to work and you’re going to need to ask her to leave.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

That is completely disrespectful.  I’ve noticed the same thing, I have no idea where it stems from and I’m only 22! 

Btw, I’m not sure if I’d do anything differently than you.  I don’t blame you for giving her a talk.

Post # 6
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

I work with teenagers, and most of them are pretty awesome, so I wouldn’t generalize your sisters problems on the rest of the teenagers in the world. She just kind of sounds like a 16 year old that has no idea that her actions have consequences. Someone needs to show her that her actions do have serious consequences. Take her things away, and don’t give them back when she screams about it. If she starts yelling, walk away. Turn your back to her and don’t give her any attention when she behaves negatively. If you fight back with her, you are reinforcing her belief that her negative behavior is the way she can gain control.

Also, people don’t “go bi-polar”. It is a disorder. Sorry, it’s a pet peeve of mine. Mental health issues are different than emotions.

Post # 7
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely agree you should talk to her about her words and behavior. But I will also say this – yes, most teenagers are at least a little immature and annoying (actually most are a LOT), and it sounds like this girl’s mom really hasn’t been doing her job and teaching this girl how to act. This is not an excuse for her behavior, mind you…at 16, you are very much old enough to recognize right and wrong, and you CERTAINLY shouldn’t be throwing tantrums if you don’t get your way. I’m just saying maybe your sister is acting crazier than your average, normal crazy teenager because of her situation with her mom.

It’s awesome that things have been turning around for your sister with her grades and behavior. And it sounds like you are in a position to really help her out in continuing on that path. Good for you for taking on that role! That is a really tough thing to do, and please don’t be discouraged if it takes her awhile to come around.

One more thing…I would be careful with telling her that you don’t like her or calling her hateful. Phrases like that can be really hurtful, especially to emotionally charged teenagers. It’s perfectly fine to tell her that you don’t like her actions, or let her know that her facebook messages sounded hateful, but please use caution with telling her you don’t like her. She may already be pretty vulnerable because of her situation with her mom.

 

Post # 8
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

 As awesome as it is that you are actually stepping up to be the adult in her life, you may be fighting a losing battle. We all were 16 at one point and even though most of us were not as severe as her, I know I wouldn’t of listened to my 24 year old sister. Plain and simple your not old enough to handle a 16 year old. Let alone a 16 year old who obviously has major problems. Is there anyone who has raised a child or at least is old enough to have a 16 year old that could handle her? What she needs more then anything is stability, structure and discipline. She needs to see a doctor and a therapist. Are you able to provide those things for her? If not I would try making some calls around trying to get someone to help you. I feel bad you feel so responsible for her. Remember your very young!! I do wish you luck and progress with her. But please don’t be afraid to ask for help or guidence from a professional. Also I would contact her school to let them know about the living situation at home.

Post # 10
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss Mitzie, in that case it is even more offensive to say that she “goes all bi-polar.” 

Post # 11
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Mitzie:  Wow, sounds like you have a tough kid to deal with and I totally understand the high level of aggravation that can cause. 

To answer one question, no, not all teens are like that.  Though commonly teens with diagnosed psychiatric illness and a seemingly traumatic background (I’m guessing there’s some of that if her mother “quit parenting her”) are much more challenging to deal with.  I have/currently work with teenagers with psychiatric diagnoses, and they are CHALLENGING.  Not only is there the “regular” teenage challenges, but there’s all the additional stressors they’re dealing with that relate to their diagnoses.  And bipoloar/ADHD is no light mixture, especially at such a young age.

I really like bubu82’s response, because she’s really validating the positive changes your sister has been able to make…and I think those are definitely worth acknowledging.  Not to disregard your feelings or frustrations, because those are definitely valid.  Just…it’s good to realize that the positive steps are HUGE, and her becoming an easier person to work with will take a LOT of time and a lot more therapy (and possibly continued use of medication.  I understand the ehh feeling about meds, and having seen the amazing work meds AND therapy can do, I’ve learned to lighten my stance on it).

All of that being said, I’m glad that you don’t have to spend TOO much more time with her.  And if you do have another extended period of time, I suggest doing what you’ve done again–setting strong limits and boundaries, firmly establishing the rules in your home, and establishing appropriate consequences if those rules are broken.  And also…what could be helpful is talking to her therapist (prior to a long stay) to get advice on how to handle her, what’s appropriate, what’s not, etc.  Dealing with teenagers who have diagnoses is not something you just successfully do.  It took me quite a few years of education/on the job training to START to learn and feel comfortable.  And I’m still learning everyday at my job while having constant support from the other therapists.

So, take deep breaths, and realize you can only do what you can do.  And as much as possible, try to understand from her perspective, if nothing else to gain a bit of empathy, which can possibly reduce your stress at least a bit.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay I am 17 years old and i would NEVER be that disrespectful and rude to anyone! But this generation is a terrible, i worry about the teens these days even though i am one myself. Sometimes teens just piss me off (weird huh?)

Post # 13
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have a step sister just like this. She just turned 18 and has been going down an awful road for a few years now. Her mom died when she was 13 and I understand that trauma does make an impact but I’m of the belief that you can only use your past as an excuse for so long. My best way to answer your question is to tell you what we do for our situation in hopes that it helps you to know that someone relates. First of all before any visit we lay out the ground rules and behavior expectationes for our house. We do this in front of my parents and her so they we are all on the same page. We also lay out the consequences at this time. If I see or hear anything that I deem disrespectful or rude in my house or against my rules I’ll speak to her and explain why I feel that its not appropriate. If it happens again she’ll get one last warning. On the third time I tell her to please go pack her stuff and call my parents to come and get her. The only time these rules change is if it’s something that constantly happens she only gets the first warning and then I’m done. I feel like the only way to teach her social appropriateness is to be clear and tough.

Post # 14
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I found your label of ‘bi-polar’ just as insulting as her comments. 

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

but she is… bi-polar… 

 

I have a niece like this.  She is 26 now, with two kids by two different guys.  She’s bi-polar and started running away at 12.  No trauma, she just left because she didn’t want to follow the rules of the house.  My bro and his wife catered to her every whim as a small child and  lost control of the situation WAY before she was a pre-teen.  The fits and screaming sound familiar.  She has punched holes in doors and walls.  She has been in and out of jail for the last 8years.  She is finally starting to settle down, I say that with crossed fingers and massive prayers.  

I think you are doing some good things for your sister.  I don’t think it’s all teens today, just the one’s that weren’t parented or given rules on acceptable behavior early on. 

Post # 16
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

A 16-year-old is too young to be diagnosing bipolar disorder. 

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