Weddingbee boards

Okay bees, talk me off my I want to scream ledge, PLEASE!  :(

We are getting married on a Friday night.  I know it isn't the most convenient thing ever for people - and I'm totally fine with folks not coming if it really doesn't work with their schedule.  HOWEVER! I am NOT fine with the phone calls that keep coming in, before we have even sent our STD's from family and friends who think they should have some say in changing our wedding date or making us feel guilty about picking it!

We picked a Friday for many reasons - mainly though, it was the difference between us getting married in a beautiful place with a full dinner delivered under a budget of 6k - or - not getting married this year and spending another year saving up.  We will have been together for 4.5 years by then, owned our house for 2.5 years - he's going to be 31 and I'll be 29.  We are ready, now, and we want get married, start our lives together and have a family.

So far the people who have complained?  Darn near everyone.  Friends who don't want to take the day off or half off of work, friends who do an annual camping trip that weekend, an usher who's birthday is two days beforehand, anyone and everyone we know who is a hunter (sorry peeps, I KNOW it's deer season, I can't help it) and now - drum roll please - one of my bridesmaids. 

I chose my FI little sister who is going to be 20 as one of my bridesmaids.  She has never been in a wedding before (strike 1) and lives in the dorms at college on the other side of the state (strike 2).  For those two reasons, I asked her but knew she wouldn't be super involved, which I was okay with.  Asking her was a big deal and something that I know meant a lot to her.  Basically, buy the dress, fly home, show up at the rehearsal and the wedding.  Not a big issue.

Today, we got a call from their Dad about the wedding.  It's 9 months away still, and his sister called Dad to apparently have a meltdown about being in the wedding.  She is worried about everything - getting home in time, participating, etc.  When FI got the call his Dad basically was questioning our reasons behind picking "such a hard time for people to be there."

He told his dad flat out that it was $1700 cheaper (venue and catering costs) than if we had chosen a Saturday.  Dad was surprised (why!? my FI has even been married before - everyone knows it's pricey!?)  Whether or not she is IN the wedding, she will end up flying home for it.  Dad can afford her flight, her dress and anything she needs so this wasn't a financial freak out.  She has time to arrange her class schedule (and I know she can get classes early on Fridays), ask her professors to work with her, etc.  We go to the same college (I'm in a distance program) and it isn't midterms OR finals for her.

I'm planning to email her and talk her off the ledge - I'm not actually angry with HER about this at all.  She's a worrier like my FI is so this isn't a big deal.  What I AM pissed off about is the way people think they can come along and say BS things to a bride and groom like this!?  Who tells people that their wedding is on a bad day for their schedule??!!!!

WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. WRONG. WITH. PEOPLE!

Sunday wasn't as cheap as Friday - and frankly the majority of people, even if they are acting like this now are going to come and party their little arses off and have a great time.  I'm sure this isn't the only thing we will get crap for - we also are doing no kids, not even for out of town-ers - so I can hardly WAIT to hear that nonsense.

I'm just angry in general that people don't think about this sort of comment before they speak.  I was chatting with a girlfriend today about how she is keeping her baby's name a secret because she doesn't want to listen to people's opinions - this is the same thing except I CAN'T keep my wedding date a secret.

SHUT UP SHUT UP! 

(okay now I'm starting to chuckle...)

@mhirni Link is broken - which one of her posts is it?

Thanks @Ducks35 - I'd actually feel better if this were financial issue with her.  It's logitisical of course, which I find harder to deal with.  If push came to shove I'd buy her dress but that isn't the issue.

And I just keep thinking - the girl goes to a WELL-KNOWN (as in one of the top ten)party schools in the NATION.  WHY CAN"T SHE SKIP CLASS!???   ;)

So sorry that you are going through this!! Wow! People in general seriously trip me out on a daily basis! I went through something "kinda" similar. My cousin (by marriage) found out that my wedding was on the same day as her other cousins (who I am not related to) and had the nerve to ask me to change my date.Then she told me that herself or her 2 daughters would not be able to come to my wedding because her other cousin got engaged 1st!! Okay...fine...whatever! But it didn't stop there....she asked found out who my caterer is, just so happens to be the same company that her "other cousin" is using. She called her "other cousin" and told her that we would be using the same people...freaked out the other bride, because the owner of the caterering company had apparently "promised" her that she would personally be at her wedding/reception. So she calls the owner and complains. making it sound like I said that the owner would be at mine. I could care less if the owner is there or not!! WOW!!! I feel SO much better!!! =) Anyhow my wedding date is  staying the same!

it is totally normal for a college student to skip a friday class once in a while. IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL. Friday weddings happen all the time, pleople are just being rude. Ignore them and the people who are important/WANT to be there for your moment will be.

I am sorry you have to deal with other people's stupidity

I feel your pain - we're getting married the Sunday of Labor Day Weekend. A lot of people are going to complain, and say that they have to change their plans around you. But ya know what? We'd do it for them, so it's all good. If it really bothers someone -- stay home. If you have something better to do that weekend, knock your sox off. I'll have a blast at my wedding... regardless of whether or not my parent's neighbors aren't there because they go to their lake house every Labor Day wknd. Puhleeez.

Don't let it get you down. :)

This sucks doesn't it?! We went through, and continue to go through, the same thing. Originally we wanted to get married on a Wednesday night (it would be the 3 year anniversary of the day we met!). Talk about people Fliping Out! After all 3 sets of grandparents called not only all our parents, but also us to complain, and our parents complaining and our siblings and most of our friends asking us if we were Crazy, we caved and move it to the Friday 3 days later. Did this make anyone happy? No! The complaints STILL roll in about how inconsiderate it is, the bad timing, etc. I'll give you advice I give myself- if they can't make it, too bad. I have had to take time off of work for people's weddings in the past (i work Saturdays, with never a one off unless I use a vacation day) and in fact, I left work for an hour to make it to a friend's ceremony, congratulate them, then I had to go back to work because work wouldn't let me off half the day on that Saturday (or the full day for that matter). If I can do that for people, it shouldn't be a problem for them to do it for me.

Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to go into rant land! Sore topic! I would simply explain to FIL and FSIL what you said above- all about $ saved, scheduling with profs, etc. If they are resonable and rational people, they ought to understand.

I think people start to misunderstand the idea of an invitation. I know it doesn't apply to your FSIL because she's family and basically has to be there but for other guests I don't know why they get all freaked out.  It's an invitation, not a requirement.  The beautiful thing about invitations is that you can decline them (politely) or you can accept them (joyfully!)  Life goes on!

I think you're being very understanding of the situation and I'm sure it will all work out but for your FSIL it's probably a pretty big deal, she is fairly young after all, and she vented to her dad.  As we know, dads feel the need to fix everything.  It will be fine!  I hope it works out sooner rather than later so you can focus on planning the wedding and looking forward to the marriage!  Good luck!

@Chapstick - Yes, it does only make things more stressful.

@Spaniel - The cost was the difference for us between 2010 and 2011.  We picked 2010 :)

And finally - @teaandtoast - Yes, deer season.  My FI is an avid hunter and is giving up hunting this ONE TIME for the wedding.  It was a big deal for me to even ask that of him but he was super sweet about it and had no problems.  However, his other sibling (younger bro) who is in the wedding as well as that whole side of the family is super into hunting and everyone has been muttering under their breathe about it.  grrrrrrrr....  (that's my best bear growl!)

I wish family WOULD diffuse this for me but in reality, family/close friends/wedding party is actually the issue.  That part is hard for me because these people knwo our financial situation, know that we are paying for 100% of the wedding ourselves, and know that I was unemployed from October 2008-July 2009.  We have had some struggles in addition - and I'm jsut sad that people can't be happy and excited for us instead of complaining about the date of the wedding... TO US.