What the MOG gifted us versus what we gifted her at her own wedding

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re reading too much into it. You should never judge a gift or its giver based on the price tag, never put gifts in competition to each other, and above all, never make a gift in expectation of getting something in return. Perhaps your MIL was not as extravagant with her gift because she’s a lot closer to retirement than you and your husband are. Or perhaps she feels 18+ years of food, shelter, clothing, and education were an ongoing gift to your husband. Either way… Let it go.

Post # 3
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It would make me think twice about it for sure. It seems strange but many family dynamics are strange. I would also try to encourage your husband not to be overly generous in the future (but thats just me). 

Post # 4
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s his weird family dynamics to deal with. If she’s never been the normal “parent” in their relationship I wouldn’t expect it now. 

Post # 5
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

A different perspective:

This is his mother. She raised him and gave him the best years of her life. She has done so much for him in the past, that if I were her, I would have seen your generous gift as a way of saying “Thanks mum for raising me”. Similar to those amazing videos of children who are successful, gifting their parents with their dream car. Those children don’t expect a car in return, because that present was in return for all the work the parent did in raising them.

If this had been a friend then I do think that a tit for tat present gifting would be more appropriate, but with this being his mother, it actually makes more sense to me.

Hope that made sense.

Post # 7
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

CanadianBride456:  Another factor could be  generational. Older generations are, on average ,more thrifty with their money. Our generation is known as spenders. We want everything it took our parents years to accumulate, the minute we have our own place. We also are known to toss money at a situation, where our parents wouldn’t.

We always spend more on birthday, wedding and Christmas gifts than our parents used to (they are dead now).


Post # 8
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

CanadianBride456:  It would bother me.  But at least she gave a gift.  I’m still shocked and disgusted with family members who didn’t give a gift – but DID give a list of complaints and demands for more money to “cover” the cost of attending our wedding (cost of gas and tolls to drive there).  In other words, it could be worst.  

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  audrey_lane.
Post # 9
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Everything Evergreen said.  His mom most likely sacrificed more times than you can even begin to imagine for her son.  His giving back to her was a drop in the bucket compared to what she’s given him throughout his entire life. 

Post # 10
7923 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t think gifting should be tit for tat. What you were able to give her has zero bearing on what she’s comfortable giving you. It’s not a true gift if it comes with the expectation of reciprocation. I’d just let it go. 

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