What?! Three years??!! :C

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 6
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@HopefulCatlover:  I agree I have to know how old you are.

Honestly, there is no ‘minimum’, it’s based on what you two feel is a good minimum.

Post # 8
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@HopefulCatlover:  I find it kind of strange that he wants to live together for 3 years “at a minimum.” Maybe this is more about where he sees you two in 3 years instead. Will you guys be finishing school or something then? 

Post # 10
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

Yeah… I did that when I was around your age… We were together around the same time frame…. The promise ring thing… Don’t do it. We’re going on six years now and I’m still waiting.

if his timeline doesn’t match yours… Find someone else who’s timeline does.

otherwise you’ll grow bitter.

Post # 11
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@HopefulCatlover:  Ok. Here are my thoughts:

1. You’re both young. It’s entirely possible that he doesn’t feel ready or mature enough for marriage.

2. Financially speaking how are you guys doing? Do you both have jobs? Have you discussed what type of wedding you want? Weddings and moving in together can cost a lot of money and maybe he is worrying that he won’t be able to support a family on his current income or that you’re combined income won’t be enough. Money isn’t everything and it is far from the most important aspect of marriage, but feeling a bit more secure about your finances could make things a bit smoother.

3. Age again. You’re both very young and people change with time. Sometimes they grow closer together; other times they grow further apart. I know being together for 2 years seems like a long time, but it isn’t that long in the big picture – I’ve been with FI over 6 years and I know that isn’t even that long when you consider how long people live now. There are many couples who marry young and have long and loving marriages, but that isn’t always the case. Maybe he just wants a bit more time to really make sure this is something he wants and is ready for.

Would you guys be willing to compromise? For instance, maybe he compromises and proposes by the one year of living together mark. In return, you compromise by agreeing to a longer engagement. Or you could do the opposite: you agree that he has X number of years to propose after you move in together and you have a shorter engagement. Or you could both agree to do a smaller wedding sooner to save money.

I suggest you sit down and talk to your SO. See what he’s really thinking and do you best to get to the root of the problem. You won’t really know what to do until then. Smile

Post # 12
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you guys are still young, so 3 years isn’t that nuts.  However, I totally get how waiting can be frustrating.

My husband and I started dating when I was 19, he was 21.  We moved in together when I was 22, he was 24.  We got engaged after living together for 2.5 years, when I was 24, he was 26. We got married when I was 26, he was 27 (he’s 1.5 years older than me).  Just our timeline.  I got frustrated with waiting at about age 23.  Overall, though, I think we waiting a good amount  of time.  We got married at about the same time we were both graduating from graduate school and starting our careers.  I think that was a perfect time for us to get married 🙂

Edit: I am always weary of promise rings.  I never quite understood them, to be honest.

Post # 13
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Keep in mind too that his timeline (and yours) might change. He might get to 1 year and be ready to roll, or you might get to 1 year and start freaking out. Don’t panic yet. If you’re happy where you are now, don’t worry about timelines. Just keep the communication open and see how things progress. You’re young and have plenty of time.

Post # 15
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would feel differently about the three year thing if you were both in your 30s. You guys are still young enough for the to not be pushing it. I am a bit confused about the promise ring. I was given a promise ring, he did not have one. It was not attached to an engagement. The engagaement came maybe a year and a half later… Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

While* 

Terrified* 

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