What to call MIL&FIL

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What do you call your parents in law?
    Mom & dad : (20 votes)
    10 %
    Their first names : (161 votes)
    81 %
    Mr. and Mrs. (last name) : (6 votes)
    3 %
    other : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    42549 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Tigerlilybride:  It’s hard to start calling someone else “Mom/Dad”. It’s equally hard to start calling them by their first names.

      I called them Mom ____and Dad _____.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1779 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @Tigerlilybride:  I use their first names now and probably will continue to do that although they have offered to let me call them mom and dad. First names are totally appropriate.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I use their names.  It took me like… 3 years or so to get comfortable with it though.  Before that I just didn’t use their names at all (like I would look right at FIL and say “please pass the potatoes” or say something like “Hey, DH, when is your mom coming over?”)

    Post # 6
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I call mine mom and dad when it’s just FI’s family and by their first names if we’re with both families.  I’ve been calling them mom and dad for a looooong time though, since I was a pretty permanent fixture at their house even before FI and I started dating.  I also tend to call my own mother “mama” or “ma,” so it’s not quite the same. 

    FI calls my parents by their first names, unless he’s just talking to me, in which case he’ll say mom/dad (but with the implication of “your mom/your dad”).  He’s not as close to mine as I am to his.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3778 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @DaneLady:  haha I’m still at that stage… Its surprisingly easy to not use someone’s name 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Tigerlilybride:  Right now im in the position that @DaneLady:  said.  I try to avoid calling them anything.  They have signed emails and cards to me with their first names as well as Mr. & Mrs.  Its very confusing and awkward for me.

    My DH calls my parents mom & dad though.  he actually always has.  LOL.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    OMG, I would NEVER call them mom and dad. i voted first names, but really, i just talk to them without saying their names or anything, lol.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6513 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I just kind of avoid addressing them as much as possible lol. But when I do, I use their first names.

    Post # 11
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I just avoided saying their names for the entirety of dating/engagement (really).

    Now I’m pregnant, and I just call them grandma and grandpa!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    FI and I have been together for 8 1/2 years and I was SO HAPPY when we got engaged that I could FINALLY ask “so…what should I call you once we’re married?” to my future in-laws. For the past near-decade I have been doing everything in my power to avoid saying names just because they never told me what to call them and by year 2 or 3, it would have been too awkward to be like “soooo…who are you?”

     

    MIL wants me to call her Ma, FIL jokingly wants me to call him Commander.

    Post # 14
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I remember when I was married the first time in my early 20s, I definitely struggled with this.

    My Inlaws told me I could call them Mom & Dad… or whatever I wanted

    (This was a nice gesture… and one that I’ve made note of for when my own kids get married.  Mom & Dad means you embrace wholely who they’ve married, but understand that by saying whatever you are comfortable with… also means that as a Parent you are willing to accept whatever choice the DIL or SIL makes on their own)

    Anyhow, there was NO WAY I could call them Mom & Dad… I had Parents of my own, and didn’t feel comfortable bestowing that title of honour on someone else.

    Altho, I did practice doing so for a bit (lol, ya talking to myself) and it just didn’t work for me.  Less so when we were in person.

    I quickly gravitated to their first names… WHEN I needed to use a name.

    Lol, or not using a name at all.  You’d be surprised how rarely you actually have to use someone’s name when speaking to them one-on-one in person.

    When I spoke about them to someone else… it was usually

    Bob’s Mother, Bob’s Father… or Bob’s Mother Alice, or Bob’s Father Robert… If someone in my circle didn’t know Bob, then it was Hubby’s Mother, Hubby’s Father, or Mr & Mrs Hubby’s Surname

    Hope this helps,

    PS… I VOTED for THEIR FIRST NAMES in your poll

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I call FI’s mom by her first name and FI calls my parents by their first names.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I use their first names.

    I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of calling somebody else mom & dad.

    I think it hurts my MIL’s feelings that I don’t call her mom, but I didn’t grow up with a mother in the home, so to start calling ANYBODY “mom” now would be odd.

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