(Closed) What to do?

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry that you and your FI and his son are having to go through this. If I were you, I would postpone the wedding, until next year, if you really want a June wedding. You could also go to the JOP to get married this year and just have a reception at a later date. With all that is happening though, I think there are a lot of adjustments that each of you are going to have to make.

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

tough one and your question is not insensitive, imo.

personally, I would go thru with it.  It sounds like a bright spot in an otherwise sort of difficult time.  But maybe make it a family decision.  Obviously, your step son (not sure how old he is) will have lots of adjustments to make.  But maybe, knowing that you and his dad are m arried will make him feel more secure?

 

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry to you all.  I think I agree with Noritake22- it sounds like you’re all going through so much, everyone is trying to readjust.  I can’t imagine how stressful that is.  What I would honestly do, is go to the JOP, then have a wonderful meal with family.  And I’d plan a beautiful reception for next June.  When things have calmed down, the transition to a whole new life has become more stable.

Post # 6
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

With regards to the children and the cost of the legalities, the respectful and financially sound thing to do is to postpone the wedding.

I think having a celebration so close to the passing of the mother of his children would be bad, and the kids are probably seriously grieving.

Right now, kids come first and are they going to get some counseling?  This must be very very hard for them and know its’ financially difficult for you both also.  Regardless of how you feel about the ex and her dragging him into court (my FI’s ex does this every few years too) she was the c hildrens’ mother and they are probably devastated.  

Post # 7
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

to be honest, i would continue with the wedding if you can. life changes and bad things happen(my fh has a son and his mom’s boyfriend just passed away from a drug overdose, so we have him fulltime until she is back to normal, then she will have him on monday, tues and wednesdays) you have to keep moving, just the same as life doesn’t stop because of a wedding, a death cannot stop your’s either. it is important to grieve, but it is also important to be happy. hope i helped

Post # 8
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Depending on the age of your FI’s children, I’d talk to them and see what their thoughts are.  If they’re too young to have that kind of discussion though, I’d still vote to go through with it.  Like brittanymichelle, life doesn’t stop due to a wedding, a death, a funeral, etc – you have to keep moving.

My FI’s cousin had her wedding in December 2008 – within the span of one week (in order) the family had Christmas, grandmother’s death, grandmother’s funeral, and cousin’s wedding.  In many ways, I think it helped the family grieve to have everyone there together supporting one another.  His newly widowed grandfather (whom I was meeting for the first time) was still able to enjoy the wedding celebrations and the marriage of his granddaughter, despite the sadness he was experiencing in other aspects of his life.

Post # 9
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I am sorry that you are all going through this.  Last year my daughter tried to move her wedding day up so that my mom could be there, as she was doing poorly after fighting cancer for 4 years.  My mom died a month to the day before the wedding.  It was a happy day despite our grieving, with all the family support that we had, and it brought us closer.  I know you have a different situation.  Just thought I would give you an idea of what we went through.  Best Wishes with whatever you decide. 

Post # 10
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow what a rollar coaster.

I have no idea what to tell you. I can tell you what we did when times got tough and finances went goodbye. We ended up going to the courthouse to have the judge marry us on 10/02/08. That was a Thursday. Fast forward to this year, everything is settled and we’ve saved back some, we will be renewing our vows with the wedding and reception that we wanted and planned for back then on 10/02/10.

 

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with Noritake and Bellenga- I would put the nice reception on hold and go to the JP for now.  Focus on helping the son grieve and make adjustments.  You could always have a nice backyard ceremony and picnic with just the family.

Sorry for the loss, it must be really hard on all.

Post # 12
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just know that having lost my grandparents within 6 weeks of each other this year (february and end of march), I almost felt for a short while that I couldn’t possibly go on with the wedding and be happy.

That was with much more time to go btw, not a mere 50 something days.  I had to grieve.  Yes, grieve.  A grown 41 year old woman.

I can only imagine how the kids feel and they need to be able to grieve right now.  Life does go on and weddings do happen, but sometimes you have to keep things in perspective.  The child has had a sudden and devastating loss and he has to go to a wedding and feel suddenly happy with all this change going on around him?  I say let him grieve and have the reception later.  I also say this as a mom too of a son.

My son went thru quite a bit of grief along with me when we lost them earlier this year, and as recently as last week, I went in to say prayers with him at bedtime, and caught him saying a prayer in tears asking God to let his grandparents know he misses them.  I could only imagine how hard it might be to lose a parent.

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