(Closed) What to do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
12877 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is a tough one, but you really shouldn’t stay with someone who mistreats you.  I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.  If you aren’t happy, it’s unlikely that things are going to magically improve.  Maybe going to counseling would help the two of you.

Can you go to the local immigration office and see if there is another visa you can switch to?  (Fiance to student/business etc)…

Post # 4
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is domestic abuse. It’s illegal, go to your embassy and ask for help.

Their is a specific law (certainly within the european union) against doing what this man is doing.


You are the victim, even the US govt is on your side in this case.

Do not stay, leave, leave now. Go to frieds, a shelter anywhere you can, and see the consulate in the morning. Ask for legal representation, and try and get this man if not prosecuted at least arrested.


No person should be bullied or acted against because of a visa!

Post # 5
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have any experience with this but I’m sorry you are going through it.  While I do think that counseling MAY help, this is not a good sign:

“I love him and I want things to work but I feel he has been using the VIsa thing to get me to do whatever he wants”

If your intuition is telling you this, I would talk an immigration counselor or embassy immediately to see what your options are

Post # 6
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is a visa worth being treated as a slave and potentially spending a lifetime of misery?

You need to get your things in line and seek some counseling/support! Definitely get in touch with you embassy as well as other PP’s suggest. Would it be the end of the world to go back to your country of citizenship? or is that a danger as well?

Post # 7
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m very sorry to hear how your Fiance is treating you. I’m also sorry that your being able to remain in the country currently appears to be tied to your marrying this man.

I know it is easy for a complete stranger to say this, when I am not living in your situation. However, I do not think it is a wise idea for you to marry someone when the relationship doesn’t sound as if it is a good or healthy one, just so that you are able to keep your visa. I agree with @abbie017:. You should explore what other options may be available to you.  Even if there isn’t another option, if you are not in a healthy, loving, mutually beneficial relationship, please do not marry a man whom you suggest continually controls and manipulates you just so that you are able to remain in the country. 

Post # 8
307 posts
Helper bee

@what-to-do:  Just curious, is there a specific reason besides your Fiance that you want to stay?

I would call a domestic violence hotline to see if they can offer any advice or resources for you.

Post # 9
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Which country are you from? How badly do you need to stay in the US? You should not let the visa situation stop you from leaving this man. There are many other ways to stay in this country..a student visa that is eventually converted into a working visa. A work visa.

Please contact a lawyer to advise you what you can do.

Post # 10
195 posts
Blushing bee

Just a thought… I had a friend who was living in the US on a visa from the UK.  Her visa expired and was there illegally engaged to a US citizen.  He was very emotionally and verbally abusive and kept putting off marrying her so she would stay as he obviously knew she would leave him once he did.  Anyway it got to the point where she left anyway and went to a womens shelter.  The US government ended up giving her permanent resident status as she was abused by a US citizen.  This may be something to look in to? I dont know more specific details unfortunately.

Post # 11
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

OP I’m very sorry you are going through this. Is it possible to look into couple’s counseling? Or is your relationship beyond repair? Either way, I would not put up with that. Your self worth should be far more important!

I would look into other avenues to pursue as far as gaining legal citizenship, independently. PP had some great suggestions, good luck!

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