What to do?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

UKbee:  Although I don’t think you made the best choice in your responses to her, initially you didn’t do anything wrong. They agreed to share in the purchase of the gift and  you were diplomatic when you raised the subject of payment .

Your FI did the right thing by standing up for you. I would take your cue from him. He doesn’t seem too worried. She may need time and space to calm down.

You really can’t compare her to your mother, your mother’s behavior or your expectations of your mother. That will never work.

Post # 3
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I agree with julies1949 It’s great that your FI stood up for you. I would wait it out. What’s done is done and at this point, badgering her to make things right would likely only make the situation worse. Leave it alone and if/when she’s ready to be an adult, I would look to FI as to how to proceed.

Post # 4
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think at this point the best thing you can do is take some deep breaths and pretend she doesn’t exist for a little while. Don’t contact her, don’t waste your time and energy worrying about what she’s thinking, don’t try to talk her around to your point of view, don’t apologize, don’t do anything. Just live your life, focus on your relationship with your FI (who sounds like a sensible guy, and a good partner for standing up for you the way he did even if it probably didn’t help the situation.) This isn’t your fault. I mean, maybe you weren’t 100% perfect, but no one is, and nothing you did warrants her extreme overreaction. In time, she may regret how she acted and contact you or FI, but until then I don’t think there’s any benefit or point in trying to repair things.

Post # 5
266 posts
Helper bee

I am just cerious, how much money are we talking about? I think she acted immaturely, but I undrestand your concern over a falling out close to the wedding. Maybe give it 2-3 weeks for things to settle and you and FI can try again? She is your FI mom so it’s not like you can throw her out, you all probably just need some time to cool off. 

Post # 9
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015


Wow, SUPER immature.

Considering your FI isn’t worried about it nor is this the first time she’s acted like this I would say just leave it. I think bringing it up or trying to make peace would just make things worse, no matter your good intentions. It’s hard to deal with people like this, and I know if I was in your shoes I’d be going crazy! I can’t stand unresolved issues, but in this situation it seems to be best.

Post # 10
7915 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would give her want she wants- no contact! If she doesn’t come back with her tail between her legs before the wedding that’s her problem and boy will she regret it. I would wait pateintly and from afar for an apology- you are owed one.

what a vile woman! I couldn’t imagine.

Post # 11
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MrsBuesleBee:  I agree completely.

She is a vile woman and she owes you an apology. Until then, do your own thing and don’t give her a second thought. I’m so glad your FI stood up for you, you guys need to remain united in this.

Post # 12
1499 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, she is a piece of work. I would let the dust settle, don’t have any contact for awhile- months even. Let her apologize to you first. She was way out of line and took this to another level! I see your wedding date days November (correct me if I am wrong) but I would def. hold out as lon as possible with contact. I would stick to a “unless it’s an apology from you I have nothing further to discuss” policy.

Post # 13
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely leave things be. If you bring it up, she seems like the type to blow up again. Just leave it and let her calm down. Let your FI take over and deal with this.

Post # 15
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

UKbee:  This sucks, but it’s soooo not your fault. And it’s on her now to apologize. Keep your chin up, girl! Sounds like this was bound to happen sooner or later. At least now you know to protect yourself, even if she does come around.

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