- 2 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
UKbee: Although I don’t think you made the best choice in your responses to her, initially you didn’t do anything wrong. They agreed to share in the purchase of the gift and you were diplomatic when you raised the subject of payment .
Your FI did the right thing by standing up for you. I would take your cue from him. He doesn’t seem too worried. She may need time and space to calm down.
You really can’t compare her to your mother, your mother’s behavior or your expectations of your mother. That will never work.
I agree with julies1949 It’s great that your FI stood up for you. I would wait it out. What’s done is done and at this point, badgering her to make things right would likely only make the situation worse. Leave it alone and if/when she’s ready to be an adult, I would look to FI as to how to proceed.
I think at this point the best thing you can do is take some deep breaths and pretend she doesn’t exist for a little while. Don’t contact her, don’t waste your time and energy worrying about what she’s thinking, don’t try to talk her around to your point of view, don’t apologize, don’t do anything. Just live your life, focus on your relationship with your FI (who sounds like a sensible guy, and a good partner for standing up for you the way he did even if it probably didn’t help the situation.) This isn’t your fault. I mean, maybe you weren’t 100% perfect, but no one is, and nothing you did warrants her extreme overreaction. In time, she may regret how she acted and contact you or FI, but until then I don’t think there’s any benefit or point in trying to repair things.
I am just cerious, how much money are we talking about? I think she acted immaturely, but I undrestand your concern over a falling out close to the wedding. Maybe give it 2-3 weeks for things to settle and you and FI can try again? She is your FI mom so it’s not like you can throw her out, you all probably just need some time to cool off.
HuysuzAyi33: the walled was £109 it was £35 each. It isn’t insignificant if your hard up that month, but it’s not a massive amount either. Funny thing is, she spends about £30 a week on wine and got from put with her friends, so the fact it wasn’t a priority either seems ludicrous to me…it’s her son!
julies1949: I know I’d didn’t reach great afterwards, but I was so done with her crap and so upset at her (also away for the weekend for a hen weekend trying not to get upset) so snapped in the frustration :/ also, I shouldn’t compare her to my mother either, again I was just so angry and upset I just said it without thinking I guess, after your FMIL calls you a stupid girl and a pathetic bitch and says she will disown her own son and FI, you kinda get a bit irrational lol
Jijitattoo: thanks! I’m trying not to think about it, I’m more thinking about how FI is feeling, but he seems to be ok! To be honest I’m still so mad at her that I am not sure I could be around her! It’s great that FI stood by my side when he knew I hadn’t done anything completely out of order! As you said, no one is perfect, sometimes you get pushed to things! 🙂
Wow, SUPER immature.
Considering your FI isn’t worried about it nor is this the first time she’s acted like this I would say just leave it. I think bringing it up or trying to make peace would just make things worse, no matter your good intentions. It’s hard to deal with people like this, and I know if I was in your shoes I’d be going crazy! I can’t stand unresolved issues, but in this situation it seems to be best.
I would give her want she wants- no contact! If she doesn’t come back with her tail between her legs before the wedding that’s her problem and boy will she regret it. I would wait pateintly and from afar for an apology- you are owed one.
what a vile woman! I couldn’t imagine.
Wow, she is a piece of work. I would let the dust settle, don’t have any contact for awhile- months even. Let her apologize to you first. She was way out of line and took this to another level! I see your wedding date days November (correct me if I am wrong) but I would def. hold out as lon as possible with contact. I would stick to a “unless it’s an apology from you I have nothing further to discuss” policy.
I would definitely leave things be. If you bring it up, she seems like the type to blow up again. Just leave it and let her calm down. Let your FI take over and deal with this.
She really is a piece of work, even FI’s dad (FFIL & FMIL split when FI was about 8yrs old) has said oh not this again, she’s always been like this forget here and leave her to it. So I know she is in the wrong etc but i just hate having this hanging over us and that it might deep down really be hurting FI – it started over something so so silly. She sent a message to FI a few day’s after saying that I am pushing her away and that’s what I’ve always wanted and now I have it. Jeez – I am the one who always encouraged going over for dinner or inviting her over, or FI contacting her more etc, I have actually been doing the opposite! Sigh :0