(Closed) What to do about an ex-best friend?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do I invite her?
    No. She's put you through enough already. No need to ruin your wedding day. : (11 votes)
    85 %
    Maybe. Some people are just more emotional than others and take her actions with a grain of salt. : (1 votes)
    8 %
    Yes. She was your best friend for 13 years, and that means a lot. It is selfish to exclude her. : (1 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14750 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I could have been reading about my ex-besty and myself in your post.  I am NOT going to invite her, I am not going to use up my energy on someone that cannot be happy for me.  I am keeping our wedding for those who wish to truely celebrate with a happy couple.

    Post # 5
    Member
    14750 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I try to make no room in my life for toxic people.  Life is to be enjoyed and celebrated.  It took me a long time to realize this, but I cannot believe how happy I have been since shedding toxic people.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    I feel like I’ve spent my 20s collecting a nice group of friends, the real kind. I don’t have time for negativity or toxicity and if I sense someone is becoming that sort of presence, I take a step back. I don’t understand why, if your contact now is limited to a text message every few months which Kate instigates and you sometimes don’t reply to, she would even expect an invitation. That is hardly a close relationship, even if you were close once.

    I wasn’t invited to a good friend’s wedding a few years ago. I’d been a total cow during her engagement (due to jealousy, mostly) and after a particularly hurtful email from me (I didn’t mean it to be but I can see now how it was), she cut off contact. When I found out the invitations had been sent and it was obvious I didn’t get one, oh it hurt. But it also forced me to face the fact that I was the kind of person who lost friends that way. I think it did make me think about my actions and how I’d responded to her wonderful news and it helped me become a better friend. We are friends again now but I still hate that I missed her wedding for being immature. So, don’t invite her – it’s your wedding day, you deserve to be surrounded by your favourite people, and who knows, it might be a wake up call for her 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I think you should invite her.  But I’d try to meet up with her a couple times before the wedding, just so you can get to know her again and things won’t be so awkward at the wedding.  If those “meet-ups” don’t go well, then don’t invite her.  I think you should express your feelings with her – about the manipulation.

    Post # 8
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Wow…I had like almost the same thing happen to me. It’s crazy how girls (women*) can get when you starting dating someone else and they are not happy. You need to think of yourself and obviously she gets the message that you two aren’t close anymore and it’s your wedding. I’d say don’t invite her. Move on with your life and with your better friends. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee

    I know I’m repeating what most people have already said but I agree with them! Even if she didn’t act up on the day, you would most likely (I know I would) stress about what could happen. Not worth it.

    @mountain.bride, props to you for owning up to your past behaviour and for making amends, it takes a lot of guts to do that 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m with amariem25 try and meet up with her a couple of times and see if things feel different for you and then make your decision. The reason I say this, while normally I would be hating on the toxic friend, is it sounds like her pathetic melt down a couple of years ago was entirely motivated by insecurity. While you do grow up and away from friends it would be really nice if it didn’t have to end entirely (while you are obviously never going to be BFFs again). Also her depression *may* have played a part, meds that you go on for that can really mess you around.

    Good luck and I’m sure you will make the right decision – whatever that ends up being.  

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