Post # 1
I was engaged last September, and now finally we have started planning and booking for the wedding. My mom and I have primarily been dealing with the vendors and throwing ideas around. Well pretty much every time I bring up the wedding to get FI’s input, he either cracks a joke or does not really respond. It would be nice to hear something valid from him when I ask his opinion. Also I called him yesterday on my way home from work and after meeting up with my contact for the chapel we booked. I let him know that he needs to tell his guys (Best Man and Groomsman) that when he asks if they would like to be in the wedding, he needs to emphasize the importance of punctuality and commitment and to be sure the correct clothing is bought bla bla bla. I just wan’t to be sure that these guys know what they are getting themselves into. He just kept saying “Okaaaay babe… Jeeeeez”.
I just want to be able to talk to him without getting attitude or a wise crack answer from him.
Anyway I guess my question is, are any of you bees dealing with this from your FI? And how should I make planning process easier on both of us?
Post # 3
FI is usually pretty agreeable, but we’ve had moments like this. I just try to stay calm and say, “I need to you tell me that you understand what I am saying and how important it is.” That’s worked thus far.
Post # 4
Yes. We had an argument about this just the other night. I was upset that FI doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion when it comes to our wedding and doesn’t seem to generally share in my happiness and excitement.
FI’s explanation was that he’s “not a woman.” <- That went over real well with me let me tell you. He explained that while he is happy and excited he just really has no opinion on every little detail of our wedding ie centerpieces etc. I accepted that and took that to mean I could do whatever I wanted and have felt much better since.
Post # 5
I’d say our biggest problem with the wedding was that, in addition to not really doing anything, he’d occasionally comment on what I picked. (“You want to do x? I don’t like that”). I told him that he could have an opinion – if he could give suggestions. When he couldn’t come up with any, I told him that his opinions were forfeit. If he couldn’t offer anything better, I didn’t want to hear his mouth.
But, I just accepted that he likely wouldn’t be doing anything. If you’re already worried about the wedding party, my best advice is – don’t have one. We didn’t have one and I’m forever grateful that we made that decision. It spared us a lot of drama and BS.
Post # 6
@carebee: Had that same argument with mine a few weeks ago! haha
FH has no interest in the wedding… absolutely none what so ever. His explanation was “I just want to marry you… I’d marry you outside in the street if I had to… as long as at the end of the day you’re my wife, I don’t care about anything else.”
Wedding planning has been much easier since I accepted that.
Post # 7
Most guys just aren’t into the details. He wants to marry YOU, he just doesn’t care about which flowers you pick, or what colors you want. Mine is actually pretty heavily involved, but I made the mistake of asking him which shade of coral he liked better. He looked for a minute, got this confused look on his face like it was a trick question and said “Babe, they’re both pink.” I facepalmed. Ask him what parts he’s interested in, and ask for his input on those things (food and music are popular ones).
Post # 8
It seems like there are some things he’s really excited to discuss and other things he just couldn’t care less – whatever makes me happy. Things he couldn’t care less about are things like decor, flowers, what me and the bridesmaids will be wearing. What he is excited to discuss – food, drinks, what he will be wearing, his ring. So what I’ve been doing is just discussing with my girls all the things that don’t matter to him and getting him involved when it’s something that directly affects him.
Post # 9
I told SO thatall he has to worry about is guest list, food approval…and then nodding and smiling when I ask him about anything else!
Post # 10
My DH made it clear from the beginning that I planned the wedding and he wrote the checks. I was 100% okay with that and didn’t see it as out of the norm for most guys. Yes I still told him about details and asked his opinion but if he couldn’t eat it (as in cake/food/alcohol) he rarely had anything to add.
Post # 11
This attitude would totally bother me. :/
My fiance told me that he’d leave all the details up to me when we got engaged. However, since then he’s been involved in every big decision and a lot of small ones. He cares more than he though he would. 🙂 I like it though.
Post # 12
@DreamingofDiamonds: Yep. MrMojito is the same way. He glazes over if I start talking colors, but he’s decided that he wants to be in charge of the food. He has some strange plan to smoke salmon for 60 guests :/ I’ve told him he can handle the food arrangments on three conditions: he stays on budget, he doesn’t break any health codes, and if anything goes wrong the week of the wedding it gets fixed and I don’t hear about it!
Other then that I’m mostly handling the details. I’m a control freak anyway, so I like being able to do it my way!
Post # 13
@Artificial-Sweetener: Since you wedding is still 11 months away, he may not see it as a pressing issue yet. When it gets closer, he may be more likely to help you out.
Post # 14
@Artificial-Sweetener: While he may seem blase, he probably isn’t, he just isn’t interested in that particular detail. Find out what he’s excited about and ask for suggestions and input about that.. chances are he doesn’t care about the small details us girls do.. but may care about the food or the drinks.
Post # 15
My FI isnt interested in the planning. He is only interested in the honeymoon. He didnt tell his groomsmen until about 3 months ago for our September wedding. Your wedding is almost a year from now. He can tell his groomsmen in the fall and it will be ok.
Post # 16
@MojitoMeg: He did give me one requirement on the colors – no pink! Hmmm not sure if he is going to get his way on this as I might sneak blush into my color palette but it depends on what venue we settle on at the end of the month. Winery – blush is definitely being included. Oceanfront – I’ll probably stick to a blue palette. Funny boys… Good luck with your smoked salmon! My FI makes and amazing cedar planked salmon but there is no way he could do it for that many people!