Post # 1
So my dilemma is that my fiance and I would like to have a smaller more relaxed wedding, something outdoors, fun, small. No bridesmaids, groomsman, just a little wedding and a fun party. We got engaged a few weeks ago and his mother has already made a few comments to me about strongly wanting us to get married in a church, wanted to watch me try on wedding dresses (i probably would have just got one online) and making suggestions for which family members should be in our wedding party, and everytime I express what i would like to do to any of his family members, i get that blank confused stare ( like im from another planet). His mother also makes comments to other family members that the reason we are having a smaller wedding is because my brother has an upcoming wedding… I know our wedding means alot to his family, he is an only child and will be the first person in a long time to get married, but we just dont want to have the type of wedding they would like us to, so how can i politly set them straight?
Post # 3
I can see how they have these dreams or ideas of what their only son’s wedding would be like BUT you and your fiance have your own too for your wedding so hopefully they can respect that. As long as you and your fiance are on the same page as to what type of wedding you want should be able to have exactly that..Maybe saying to her exactly what she is thinking would help.. ” I know he is your only son and you have always imagined us getting married in a church and having a big wedding but that just isn’t what we want. something small and fun would make us so happy! I know larger weddings like my brothers are beautiful but that’s just not us and we can’t wait to have something different!” … Good luck:)
Post # 4
@jj830: I think you and Fiance need to approach this as a united front and only as a united front. Together, talk with his mother and express how you *both* respect and understand her feelings and suggestions are coming from a warm place for her son’s wedding day. (It may well be that if anything, she just wants to be heard and appreciated while her only son is about to wed. Not to say that is an excuse, but it is certainly a reason for her excitement and expression of what she’s always envisioned, to the point she’d make such comments, etc.) However, if this is ultimately about her son’s happiness, then he needs to say that what would make him most happy is the wedding celebration he and you both have in mind — not what she has in mind. She may need to hear it directly from him to have it sink in.
Still, perhaps you can offer her the chance to be in charge of something you both aren’t particularly crazy about. Give her something to get excited about and feel included.
Post # 5
@Cornflakegirl: I agree with this. Now is the time they need to know you guys are together on this.
I think there’s nothing wrong with what you want and it’s rude of anyone to think you should do anything a certain way.
BUT… being united and having FH back you up on this will show them this is what their son wants, too. There’s nothing more confusing than for people to assume you are behind off-beat changes to a wedding….