Post # 1
I’m in an odd situation with my Grandmother and I’m not sure what to do. Here’s the scoop:
My Grandmother lives up North (I live in the South) and she’s been telling me how excited she is to attend my wedding. Last year my Mom said that she had talked to my Brother and he agreed to drive my Grandmother to the wedding (about an 11 hour drive). I said I’d pay for her hotel and her outfit for the wedding.
Fast forward to this week…I call my Brother to find out when he will arrive with my Grandmother and he tells me that he’s not bringing her. That his car is full and my Mom never spoke to him about driving our Grandmother. He then said that he thought I was paying for her to fly here.
I’m a bit irritated. My Fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and honeymoon (no contributions from any family members) and we have been on a strict budget. We’re finally paying off everything and hope to have a little bit of extra cash for the honeymoon. With this last minute situation we’d have to take our spending money for the honeymoon and use it to pay for my Grandmother’s flight.
I’m irritated. I don’t understand why everyone expects me to pay for my Grandmother to get here and pay for all of her expenses. I love my Grandmother but this is our wedding. Is it fair to ask my FI to give up our honeymoon spending money for her flight? My Grandmother hasn’t made any plans to pay for anything or make any arrangements. She apparently expected me to take care of everything.
I find the whole thing extremely annoying and am considering not paying for the flight and telling my Grandmother that I’ll send her a copy of the wedding on dvd.
What would you do?
Post # 3
What happened?? Did your mom just straight forget to ask your brother?? That bites, sweetie. I don’t know how close you are to your grandmother, but is it okay with you if she’s not there? Like, will you regret it afterward? Especially knowing how excited she was to go?
Since your mom appears to be the point of miscommunication, maybe she can put up a little bit of money, you can give a little bit and maybe if your grandma has a little bit of money, you can come up with enough for a plane ticket? Just gently explain how you only have a little bit of money available for a ticket and you need help paying the rest, hopefully mom/grandma will understand? Especially if you’re paying for your wedding all on your own, I don’t see how $100 from each party would be thaaat bad. Who knows, maybe your grandma would happily pay her own way if you only asked?
Post # 4
I voted for the first option, but only because I think you’d regret it later. I think there should be some sort of compromise. It is basically your mom’s “fault” that you’re in this predicament so I agree with PP that she should maybe put up half for that. I think that, as the youngest person in this equation, you shouldn’t be expected to fund everybody’s trip to your wedding. That’s not even something I’d consider and you’re really nice for even trying to!
On the plus side….maybe you’ll get cash for wedding gifts – aka spending money?
Post # 5
Do you and your family members have points, miles etc that you can amalgamate to get your grandmother to the wedding?
There are websites where you can exchange and amalgamate all sorts of travel and credit card miles and points.
Post # 6
Have you already booked your flight and things for the honeymoon. My grandpa talks all the time about free rewards cards that you can get from just about any airline and cruise. Look into that and see if that could be an option.
Also, is there any reason another family member couldn’t make the trip to pick her up? I know you said it’s an 11 hour drive and I know that’s far but that could be an option.
Another option is could your brother rent a van to come down in? I don’t know what car he is driving down, but maybe talk to your mom about going in on something like that. An 11 hour drive is a long time and it may be more comfortable for everyone. See who all he is bringing and see if everyone (including passangers already going, your grandmother, and mother, and maybe you) could pitch in for rental and gas. Depending on how many people are coming they may only need a mini van, and you can check out discounts for that.
I hope this helps! Keep us posted!
Post # 7
I would speak with your mother and explain you are content with paying for your wedding costs/honeymoon etc, and was willing to pay hotel fees for Grandma but not her flight out. To your knowledge, you thought transportation was taken care of and this is just too much and overwhelming. Ask if she would be willing to cover the cost of her ticket and you still pay for her lodging or vice versa. Just let her know a little assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 8
If your mom is the one who dropped the ball on this, I think she should pay. Is there any reason why she can’t? I don’t think your grandma should be the one punished for the mistake, since it wasn’t her fault.
Barring that, I think Beth2010 has a great idea if your brother would be willing to rent a bigger vehicle.
Post # 9
I’m also confused as to how YOU are the one who is supposed to be paying from Grandma’s travel expenses. Doesn’t grandma pay for grandma’s expenses? That’s the strangest thing I’ve heard lately.
Anyway, I did vote that you should just pay for her flight. It’s not worth the possibly regret and the probable guilt trip that you’re going to get if you don’t pay for it, since apparently it’s somehow your responsibility to get her there. (So weird!)
I say return whatever dress you had gotten her and replace it with something VERY affordable. And put her in your mom’s hotel room. 🙂 ha.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees! I really appreciate the responses.
I already talked to my Mom about this and she refuses to help pay for the flight. She says it is not her concern and that since I’m the one that wants my Grandmother to attend the wedding I should pay for the ticket. She got huffy with me when I brought up that she told me my Brother had agreed to drive my Grandmother. Apparently she never spoke to him about it and just figured he would agree to drive her.
My Brother doesn’t want to pay to rent a car (I just called him with that idea – I thought it was a good one!).
I will try the mileage points idea. I hadn’t thought of that.
Thanks again, Everybody!
Post # 11
This seems like it’s kind of a combination of your mom, your brother, and your grandmother’s fault. I feel like your grandmother should get to attend your wedding, but I don’t see why it has to be on your dollar. Why not express the situation to your mom, and ask if she wouldn’t mind paying (or helping to pay) for your grandmother’s flight? Since she neglected to tell your brother he was driving her down, I feel like it’s on her to find another mode of transportation for your grandmother–since apparently she can’t manage to fly herself down there with her own money, which I really don’t get.
Post # 12
@FutureMrs.M: Wow. That is really lousy of your mom. How frustrating! Mad props to you for keeping your cool about the situation.
Post # 13
@FutureMrs.M: Whoa. I take it this isn’t her mother? Or am I wrong? Just wow. If my mom pulled a move like this, I would not have handled it as nicely as you seem to have. I think this is ridiculous of both your mother and your brother. It’s as if they don’t care if grandma is there for your wedding. :/ I agree try for mileage, and good deals. Shop around. And good luck.
Post # 14
@mightywombat – I was really irritated about this at first and mad at my Mom and my Brother. I finally had to let it go. I couldn’t figure out what to do which is why I put it on the Boards. All of the comments have been so helpful.
@AmeliaBedelia – surprisingly, this is my Mom’s Mother. All of my other grandparents are deceased. I agree with you that they are being ridiculous. I’m just hoping we can find a happy medium.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t pay for her to come on such short notice. Maybe the bees could start a pool (I’m only 90% kidding.)
My dads parents can’t come because Grandpa has taken to using houseplants as toilets. I envy you a straight up logistics problem.
Post # 16
@FutureMrs.M: Oh goodness. Well I guess it comes down to finding a way to get her here as cheaply as possible. Does she know your mom doesn’t care if she comes? :/ Yikes.