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I would be firm.
My mom gave me some advice when my FMIL was pushing her "too big" list. She told me--you invite whomever you want. If we have to cut some of our people or if FMIL has to cut some of hers, then that's what will happen, because you only get ONE day.
Tell your mom that she either can give you the name of one cousin or none of them will be invited, and that's that. She cannot demand things while not paying for them, even if she gave you a small amount of money towards the wedding! In fact, if it would help, I'd give her any money she contributed back to her (assuming it's not going to make a huge difference) and tell her you will do what you like at YOUR wedding.... not a rehashing of the nasty divorce issues. (Not to be mean, but sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire--I have to with my parents sometimes. And it gets the job done, they respect me and the issue is solved.)
I know it's not easy, but if she loves you unconditionally, she'll come around. Good luck and best wishes!
I think that you should invite whomever you would like. Family issues during weddings can get nasty. It is most important to remember that YOU (and your FI) are the ones that are supposed to be happiest on your wedding day, not your mother.
good luck!
Can you just tell her--- if you want to invite your family, how hard is it for her to contribute a couple hundred dollars just to cover their dinner...at least!
Just like CinemaParadiso said -- be firm with her! For our list, we invited all of our immediate family, then our friends, then we gave each set of parents 20 seats, and told them they can fill them with whomever they want, their friends, extended family, whomever. They go above that 20, and it's up to them to pay per plate, invite, etc. for those people.
Stand tall and be firm ..Tell her ur father got 1 cousin , and now u only get 1 cousin. And tell her if she wants more , that u want the $ for them..Thats that.
I like daydreamwanderer's suggestion - put the ball in her court. You shouldn't be forced to invite and pay for people you don't really want to have at YOUR wedding. This offers a compromise.
I understand how it goes with family, however since you and your Fiance are paying for your wedding, both of you should invite who you want. Even if your mother was involved monetarily, it is your special day and she should understand that. She shouldn't try and turn this into drama that might overshadow your wedding. She's your mom and she loves you, so she will understand. It's the start of you and your fiance's new life together, not about inviting her siblings.
thanks everyone! I will talk to her about it! I love having all these lovely ladies to help with advice!!
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Ok, so my fiance and I are paying for our wedding (very little $ from parents)...we are trying to keep our guest list small...but its already at 190 and thats not inviting our extended families. I should first explain that my parents went through a messy divorce about 3 years ago. So anyway, Im inviting my dad's cousin and his wife to the wedding because Im kinda close to them. My mom is mad because I don't want to invite her cousins to the wedding (she has 5!). Im only inviting 1 of my dads cousins, but she seems to think that I need to invite ALL of hers because if I dont, its going to start a bunch "drama" with her family. Honestly, Im not close with ANY of her extended family and don't care if they are there or not. If I had a bunch of money or my parents were paying for it, then they could invite whoever they wanted.
Im just stressing out because I dont want to upset my mom. I asked her to pick 1 cousin to invite and she refuses. She told me that I need to remove some of my friends to invite her family. It just makes me so mad! Why would I not invite friends who I see and talk to more than them, and to be completely honest, I dont think Ive ever even talked to 3 of the 5 cousins that she wants me to invite!
UGGH What would you girls do?????