What to do about parents and our invites?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsHallam:  I’m wanting to hear feedback aswell.. I’m in litterally the EXACT same situation… My dad is paying $12,000+ and my mom paid for my dress (2500$) and said she would help out more if she can (she was expecting to pay 5000$ for dress lol )..

my FI’s family isn’t helping at all, it’s frustrating to me only because they are the first ones to say what they expect from that day…

i think I want to mention my parents in the invite but don’t know how lol 

Post # 4
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I would put your names then “together with their parents”

Post # 5
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

we put both parents, even though my fam is paying majority my mom wanted ti havw both to not offend anyone so win win

Post # 6
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@asianbarbie:  We’re doing this too… mum got really uptight when she got wind that FH’s parents weren’t going to be listed too, even though they aren’t contributing! haha. 

 

But honestly… I hate dealing with tricky stuff like this, they always seem to take on a magnitude that belies their overall importance 😛  

 

Sorry I can’t be more help!

Post # 7
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

No one is paying that close of attention. Not something to rock the boat over. 

Post # 8
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

Brides parents are paying about 40% of ours grooms none except they did pay a big chunk of the down payment of the house that will become ours we are covering the rest. We were only going to put the parents of the bride but MoB freaked and we added both but parents of the bride went first just more traditional.

 

Still feels weird taking money from the parents since we make probably double what they do, not that we’re wealthy they are just hard working lower paying careers / retired but they assured us they wanted to and if was what they could afford. Really very kind of them and has taken much of the financial stress away. 

Post # 10
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@FutureMrsHallam:  Why don’t ypu ask your mum what she thinks. It probably depends on how acrimonious the divorce was and what feelings she bears towards your father. If she minds then list them separately and if she doesn’t put them together.

Post # 11
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsHallam:  I’d say the invite is from your parents, listed as if they are not a couple:

Mr. John Bridesname and Ms. Sue Bridesname

invite you to the wedding of their daughter… to … son of … etc etc

Post # 12
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Since we’re on the topic of listing parents names on invitations, does anyone have any suggestions for what to do if one of the parents is deceased. FI and I are payng for and hosting the wedding ourselves, but I think our parents would appreciate their names being on the invitations. FIs mother passed away last year, but if we’re naming parents then her name should be there too. So together with their parents doesn’t really work. I guess we’ll probably use Aliciaspinnet, daughter or Mr & Mrs Spinnet and MrAliciaspinnet, Son of Mr & Mrs MrAliciaspinnet, invite you to their wedding. Which sounds a bit clunky and a bit more formal than what I had in mind. Does anyone else know of a better way to phrase it?

Post # 13
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  List them on separate lines. My understanding is that married people would be listed like this:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

while divorced people are listed like this:

Mr. John Smith 

and Ms. Jane Smith

Post # 14
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aliciaspinnet: I suggest just like that except. “Son of Mr. MrAliciaspinnet and the late Mrs. MrAliciaspinnet”.

My MIL was deceased too. We omitted her from the invitations (because the 3 surviving parents were listed as hosts on the invitation, since they contributed), but that’s the wording we used for the engagement announcement and the wedding programs.

Post # 15
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@paula1248:  Yes, I think we would likely add “late”, although I’ll let FI have the final say on whether he wants to add that. Thanks!

Post # 16
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@aliciaspinnet: You’ll want to phrase it like this:

Alicia Spinnet,
Daughter of Mr. Spinnet and Mrs. Spinnet

and 

Mr. Fiance,
Son of Mr. Fiance and the late Mrs. Fiance,

invite you to their wedding. 

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