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I just received an RSVP where the couple added their kids. I thought we would have avoided this situation. I addressed the envelope to just them, the inside envelope had just the husband and wives name on it, the reception card said it was an adult only reception, the rsvp card said we had reserved 2 seats in their honor...
But they still put their kids names on the RSVP.
I dont feel like we could have made it any more clear.
Do we call them and tell them to leave their kids at home? or just let it go?
I can't believe people have the gall to do this! You are not the first person on the Bee to say this has happened.
Call them and tell them that you are so sorry that they misunderstood, but this party is for adults only. Tell them you 'd love to spend time with them and kiddos after the wedding (if that is the case), but that you are not having children at your wedding.
Be prepared that they will be as rude to you on the phone as they were via the invite.
Stick to your guns. It is YOUR wedding, not theirs.
Boy, people really have some nerve sometimes. Just beyond rude.
Yes, you have to call them. If you bend the rules for even one, everyone will expect it.
When this happened with us, we said we would love to see the children at the ceremony; but that, unfortunately, the reception would be for adults only.
Oh wow - I thought I was going to be safe with listing names and "___ of two will be attending"
Apparently not. This is absolutely ridiculous!
I agree with the PP's. You definitely have to call them. There's no way they missed that the kids weren't invited and they're probably hoping you won't call them on it.
Sorry to say you have to make that uncomfortable phone call.
Every. Single. Time. I see one of these posts it makes me want to scream that people can be either so dense or so rude.
Call them and tell them no. freakin. way.
Also, I've been looking for an excuse to post this link....too funny:
http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/post/147675379/sorry-about-the-teensy-tiny-text-if-youre-having
I have a follow up question about this. I have a feeling that I will have this problem too.
When you ladies call these people to tell them their darling children are not invited, what is the response you receive?
Their kids are 8 and 4. So many families with children have "played by the rules" that I know it wouldnt be fair to let them bring theirs, but I dont have a clue how to begin this awkward phone conversation.
So bees, What do I say? and to those that have made this phone call, do the people usually end up not coming?
HAHAHA THAT IS A FUNNY LINK! Definitely call them. I dont think there is much more you can do. Tell them if its local you can try to help make arrangements for a sitter or something.. I honestly dont know how to sugar coat it.
That was just so rude. I am so glad I didnt have that happen, but you never know.. someone may just show up with a child.. people are just so ridiculous at times.
@goosegg: I haven't had to deal with this yet, but is it an option to have your mom or dad possibly deal with it? Or your in-laws? I have a possible person with which this might be a problem and if it happens, my gram is handling it! ;o)
omg that liink is hilarious. and horrible. and... yea.
Definitely call them. say something like "we have so many people that we'd love to celebrate with but unfortunately due to budget and space restrictions we had to make an across-the-board rule that the reception is adults only. I'd really hate to offend anyone by making exceptions. I really hope that you can still make it!"
@hotchild - THANK YOU for that link. Just what I needed.
@goosegg - my first suggestion would be make someone else do it :) if that doesn't work, just say that unfortunately due to space (or budget) constraints we've had to keep the reception adults only since including everyone's children would add [insert random large number here] to the already large guest list.
@hotinthechildcity- i'd just like to thank you for officially making the rest of my day unproductive. odds of my getting anything done now that i've been to this website? slim to none. lol
@kittyachi and corgitales: Seriously, it's my new favorite website. But that particular post just really takes the cake. I can't imagine actually doing that or having that done at my wedding. I'm no 'zilla, but I would probably lose my sh*t.
Are they travelling? Even though you totally don't have to, you could offer them the name of a local babysitter they could call if they are travelling. Might give you a way to be positive, which I've always found makes it easier to make these kinds of phone calls.
I haven't even sent out my invitations yet and am already having this problem. I already have people (despite our nearly OBNOXIOUS way of letting everyone know this is a NO CHILDREN WEEKEND-it's destination in a resort town) my relatives are already telling me how excited their kids are to come.
I will follow etiquette on invitations and addressing...
But please, let us all know how the call goes!
Ugh I have seen that link before. How ridiculously irritating. If your child "just wanted to see mommy", then maybe you should have gone home to see him instead of undermining the couple's desires for their wedding. I am sure they would have appreciated you leaving to go see your sick baby more than they appreciated you bringing him to an adults only reception. Geebus. And I love how the people in the comments section also pointed out that she's wearing something that looks beach-appropriate while everyone else is in suits. That woman seems like a piece of work.
I mean, I'm allowing kids at my reception, but I can fully understand why you'd be so pissed if someone brought their kid anyway, or tried to sneak them in on the invite. Good luck OP, you definitely should stand your ground. It's not fair that they put you in that situation but unfortunately you have to make an uncomfortable phone call. Honestly I'd just go into it telling myself that it won't be uncomfortable, because you're totally in the right here. "Hi, Mr./Mrs. Smith, I just got your RSVP and am so delighted that you can come to our wedding but unfortunately our reception is adults-only and you won't be able to bring Timmy and Maggie. We'd love to see them at the ceremony or some time after the wedding, but please understand that we're hoping for a relaxed/formal/whatever atmosphere at our reception/we have budget constraints and for that reason haven't invited any children." I like the suggestion of offering the name of a local babysitter if they're traveling, too.
Yeah you have to call them - that's just rude. I didn't know if maybe their "kids" were teenagers (12-13) so they thought it would be okay.
I think being as tactful as possible is key here. I think acting as if you perhaps left that info off (which you OBVIOUSLY didn't) might work and keep from having to have a discussion.
"Hi ____, I just received your RSVP - we're so happy you and your husband will be joining us. I'm not sure if you told you but we're doing an adult-only reception so as much as we'd like to see little ___ & ___ it just won't be possible."
Then stand your ground - no kids means no kids.
Make the call. Adults only means adults only.
And people are so rude. There is no way they didn't understand it was an adults only reception.
UGH! As uncomfortable as it is, you're going to have to make that phone call. I really like how Camrie worded it- polite, but to the point.
Those people who did that are well aware that they are pushing the boundaries, so chances are they are hoping you just won't say anything. Make sure you stand up for yourself! If you make one exception, it will snowball from there.
For those who are worried about this happening, FI and I tried to make sure we contacted anyone who might break our "no children" rule ahead of time to let them know that we were having an adults only function. It seems to have helped a little; anyone who is disgruntled by it will hopefully be over it by the time our invites get sent out in a couple weeks.
I had the exact same issue with one of my guests. I had put "There are 2 seats reserved for you", envelope only addressed to the parents and I got a "We weren't sure if jr was invited since his name wasn't on the invitation" and then proceeded to try to guilt trip us with "it's fine if he's not, but then one if us will have to stay at the hotel". We offered to find the name of a babysitter and they declined. So I guess one of them is staying in the hotel. (I'm in a location that only allows 130 people, and to allow kids would have added another 75 to our count!! And we can't make exceptions just for one).
Ugh! So rude. You definitely have to give them a call and straighten it out. (Just like the others said -- give it to 'em straight "We've decided to have an adults-only event, and I noticed that you'd added your children to the RSVP. Unfortunately, we can't make exceptions in case other guests get offended. Thank you for understanding & hope you can still come.")
I went through a similar situation. I had someone literally write "+2 children" on the RSVP card. They wrote it after the line that reads "We have reserved 2 seats in your honor"! Wth, WHO DOES THAT?? Grrrr!
I had my dad deal with it since it's one of HIS friends that I've never met, but apparently HAD to invite. Double Grrrrr! 
My dad called me a few days ago to tell me that since the children can't go, then his friends aren't going. I calmly said "That's fine, I understand" and secretly inside, I was like "YESSSSSSSSSSS, I don't even KNOW these people!!"
@ddubzz: Cheering for you! : ) I've never understood parents saying "we HAVE to invite these people...who don't even know you, the couple getting married". There's plenty of other people that they can socialize with if they want! : D
OMG. So. EFFING. RUDE!!! Do you have a MOH or can one of your parents make the call for you? The call definitely needs to be made, but maybe if you have one of your parents or a member of your bridal party do it, it will take the awkwardly personal confrontation out of it.
It sucks that these guests forced you into such an awkward situation. Let us know what you decide and how it goes!
Call them!! Firstly, a disclaimer: I am no bridezilla I promise, so forgive me when I say the following, in a very irritated maner.
They darn well knew it was an adults only reception, they are just trying to get out of having a babysitter, or for some reason maybe think they are special. You clearly wrote the invitation to them not to everyone in their family unit. I'd call them sooner rather than later and be very clear that their kids are not coming, no way no how.
hotchild -- i love that link btw, just hilarious!
EDIT: but then again, i don't really like children....so maybe i am a bit biased.
OMG this is like, my greatest wedding fear materialized. Please do let us know what happens!
DEFINITELY call and take care of it now...or have your parents/future-inlaws make the call. otherwise you will have an ipod wearing uninvited. yes, he really did wear the damn ipod the ENTIRE wedding reception.
dear husband made me white-out the offending mother. geez. regardless, enjoy!
kidatwedding.jpg (55.1 KB, 35 downloads) 2 years old
@lampshade127: Hahahahahahaha! Are you f-ing kidding me?!! An iPod?!! Wow. Just wow.
another Bee said that she tried the cost approach and the parents offered to pay for the kids to attend.
I don't think you need a reason to have an adult party! I would just say that...that the party is for adults.
LOL if they offer to pay quote them some ridiculous amount - oh, that's so sweet of you! That'll be $500/kid kaythanx
Whose guests are they? If it's family on your side, have your parents call. If it's family on his side have his parents call. If it's one of your friends, you call. If it's FI's friends, have him call. It's really the responsibility of whoever invited them!
Every time I see a post like this I wonder how people can be so rude - you made it really clear that it was adults only and who was invited. Why would they think it's okay to change the number of guests invited?
Blah. I'm sorry they did that. I agree you have to call, and stand firm. They shouldn't be rewarded for being jerks.
My mom said that if anyone RSVP'ed for more than who was invited then she would have no problem calling them up to make things right.
I have a feeling that my dads sisters are going to RSVP for their over 18 year old children! It has not happend but I think it will. GAHHHH will people never learn?!?!?
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