Post # 1
Hey y’all I’m new to the site. I’m experiencing extreme resentment towards my boyfriend right now. This past summer one of his friends brought up him marrying me and he basically flipped out. His bottom line was he was not going to propose before he was 26…(a little background – he’s 22, I’m 24 – 25 in a few months) well we talked it out the following day in private and in a more calm manner and we came to a compromise that by fall 2013 we would be def taking that next step. He told me that was “totally doable” and that I got all upset “over nothing”. So even though I’m impatient I knew that I could wait that long. Well we started arguing last night about him always spending time with his newly single best friend. And that turned into a talk about insecurities about our relationship and I told him that because I have a son (who my bf takes on the role of daddy to and views him as his own son) it does make me feel insecure that he can’t make that type of committment to me. Thats as deep as I delved into the marriage topic. Well he flew off the handle telling me over and over again that he’s just not ready and he loves me but just is not ready and he’s happy where we are at.So we got to talking about it a little more and I told him that I felt like the engagement issue was going to turn out to be just like his bike. (saying he would get rid of it, then constantly changing the deadline, then it just not happening) and he admitted that the timeline he gave me was completely false and he said that because he thought if he didn’t agree that I would leave him. So I tried to reasonably ask for some sort of idea and he told me he just can’t give me an idea but that he loves me. Any advice?
Post # 3
How long have you two been together? Is he still in school? Does he have a stable job? Some men feel they need to be financially secure before they can propose. What is your situation?
Post # 4
@maureen0907: We’ve been together a year, He’s in trade school (to further his career) He goes two days a month and works a very stable/good paying job as an electrician. We’re moving in together in three weeks because he is ready to take that step. I have a three and a half year old son that he gladly helps to raise and considers his own
Post # 5
22 is awfully young to be making that kind of a commitment, especially for a guy – I say this having been engaged to a guy that age and having it fall to pieces because he wasn’t ready and felt that I somewhat pushed him into it.
Try talking to him about why he feels he isn’t ready and what it’ll take to get him to a place where he is prepared and comfortable to take the next step. I understand your insecurity, especially being older and having a son who looks to him as a father figure. That’s definitely worth worrying over, but you can’t make someone be ready when they aren’t and it’s a recipe for disaster if you try and push that.
Ultimately, it may come to a point where you need to move on and find someone who is more in your mindset. It sounds to me like he wants to figure out his life and not make a lifetime relationship commitment right now.
Post # 6
@camocutiexo: 22 is young and I think you guys may be at different stages in your lives. He is just starting the career aspect of his life. Most men want to be financially stable before taking on the role of a husband. You dont want him to propose before he is ready. I am a women who has children from my first marriage so I do understand that you want something more definitive because your scared that you let him around your child and he is going to vanish. The truth is though…. no piece of paper will make him stick around for good. Love and the bond it creates can be the glue that holds you together. A marriage is only going to build on that foundation. Good luck and keep positive thoughts.
Post # 7
I second the post above this, couldn’t have said it better. Hang in there!
Post # 8
@camocutiexo: hes willing to live together but not marry you? for your sons sake dont move in with him.
1) once you move, it’ll be harder to leave due to sunk cost
2) you should only show your son men who are seriously in love with you and willing to do anything for you. including marry you
3) if you break up after your son grows too attached it will scar him forever
Post # 9
@subtlebee: +1 Please don’t move in with this guy. He admitted to you that he just told you what you wanted to hear to get you off his back. If you want to get married, move on and find someone who wants to marry you.
His actions tell you everything you need to know – listen to him.
Post # 10
For your son’s sake, please don’t move in with your bf!
Your son needs a stable home and upheavals can confuse young kids.
Your bf is only 22, and doesn’t look he is ready for the next step. I would wait until he is comfortably ready for commitment on his own
Post # 11
He is very young don’tforce him to marry you, you will later regret it and foto your sons sake don’t move in a year is not that long most men aren’t even ready til30 you’re still young if you want to get ,arrived find someone who wants the same thing but don’t force it
Post # 12
As to OP, I don’t think moving in togetherbest the best next step and I seriously doubt it would make your SO propose any faster. For your son’s sake, I wouldn’t co-habitate until you are engaged. It would just make it even harder to leave him. Wishing you the best!
Post # 13
You’ve only been dating for a year. don’t corner him.
and all the guys I know around 22 don’t even want to talk about marriage unless they’ve been with their girlfriend since high school.
I know you have a son, but you have to slow it down with this guy
Post # 14
@subtlebee: My thoughts exactly. You have to look out for your son and quite frankly I’d put my foot down. I would tell him that because you have a son who is impressionable, you need a solid commitment before you live with him. If that’s in 4 years, so be it. I mean I don’t agree with the whole he’s 22, so he shouldn’t be thinking about marriage idea. My FI is 21 and he started talking marriage after a year of us dating which was when he was 19. I’m not saying you need to break up with him or anything, but you shouldn’t move in with him yet in my opinion.
Post # 15
It sounds like you are at very different points in your life. Do not move in with him, for your son’s sake.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t move in with him either. It’s only been a year, take your time and get to know each other better. Marriage is a life long committment….that’s a looooong time to be together and it sounds like he wants time to be sure this is what he wants. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Plus you have to remember he would be committing to you and your child….that’s a big step and not to be taken lightly. I would give him some time to finish school and grow up a bit. He may be mature for his age but he’s still only 22. My Fiance is 27 and it’s taken us 4 years to get to the amazing place we’re at in our relationship.