(Closed) What to Do? Any Advice?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

How long have you two been together?  Is he still in school?  Does he have a stable job? Some men feel they need to be financially secure before they can propose.  What is your situation?

Post # 5
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

22 is awfully young to be making that kind of a commitment, especially for a guy – I say this having been engaged to a guy that age and having it fall to pieces because he wasn’t ready and felt that I somewhat pushed him into it.

Try talking to him about why he feels he isn’t ready and what it’ll take to get him to a place where he is prepared and comfortable to take the next step. I understand your insecurity, especially being older and having a son who looks to him as a father figure. That’s definitely worth worrying over, but you can’t make someone be ready when they aren’t and it’s a recipe for disaster if you try and push that.

Ultimately, it may come to a point where you need to move on and find someone who is more in your mindset. It sounds to me like he wants to figure out his life and not make a lifetime relationship commitment right now.

Post # 6
Member
34 posts
Newbee

@camocutiexo:  22 is young and I think you guys may be at different stages in your lives.  He is just starting the career aspect of his life.  Most men want to be financially stable before taking on the role of a husband.  You dont want him to propose before he is ready. I am a women who has children from my first marriage so I do understand that you want something more definitive because your scared that you let him around your child and he is going to vanish.  The truth is though….  no piece of paper will make him stick around for good.  Love and the bond it creates can be the glue that holds you together.  A marriage is only going to build on that foundation.  Good luck and keep positive thoughts.

Post # 7
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I second the post above this, couldn’t have said it better.  Hang in there!

Post # 8
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@camocutiexo:  hes willing to live together but not marry you? for your sons sake dont move in with him.

1) once you move, it’ll be harder to leave due to sunk cost

2) you should only show your son men who are seriously in love with you and willing to do anything for you. including marry you

3) if you break up after your son grows too attached it will scar him forever

 

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@subtlebee:  +1   Please don’t move in with this guy.  He admitted to you that he just told you what you wanted to hear to get you off his back.  If you want to get married, move on and find someone who wants to marry you.

His actions tell you everything you need to know – listen to him.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee

For your son’s sake, please don’t move in with your bf!

Your son needs a stable home and upheavals can confuse young kids. 

Your bf is only 22, and doesn’t look he is ready for the next step. I would wait until he is comfortably ready for commitment on his own

Post # 11
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He is very young don’tforce him to marry you, you will later regret it and foto your sons sake don’t move in a year is not that long most men aren’t even ready til30 you’re still young if you want to get ,arrived find someone who wants the same thing but don’t force it

 

Post # 12
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@subtlebee:  +1!

As to OP, I don’t think moving in togetherbest the best next step and I seriously doubt it would make your SO propose any faster. For your son’s sake, I wouldn’t co-habitate until you are engaged. It would just make it even harder to leave him. Wishing you the best!

Post # 13
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’ve only been dating for a year. don’t corner him. 

and all the guys I know around 22 don’t even want to talk about marriage unless they’ve been with their girlfriend since high school.

I know you have a son, but you have to slow it down with this guy 

Post # 14
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@subtlebee:  My thoughts exactly. You have to look out for your son and quite frankly I’d put my foot down. I would tell him that because you have a son who is impressionable, you need a solid commitment before you live with him. If that’s in 4 years, so be it. I mean I don’t agree with the whole he’s 22, so he shouldn’t be thinking about marriage idea. My FI is 21 and he started talking marriage after a year of us dating which was when he was 19. I’m not saying you need to break up with him or anything, but you shouldn’t move in with him yet in my opinion.

Post # 15
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@subtlebee:  +1

It sounds like you are at very different points in your life. Do not move in with him, for your son’s sake.

Post # 16
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t move in with him either. It’s only been a year, take your time and get to know each other better. Marriage is a life long committment….that’s a looooong time to be together and it sounds like he wants time to be sure this is what he wants. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Plus you have to remember he would be committing to you and your child….that’s a big step and not to be taken lightly. I would give him some time to finish school and grow up a bit. He may be mature for his age but he’s still only 22. My Fiance is 27 and it’s taken us 4 years to get to the amazing place we’re at in our relationship.

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