Post # 1
I‘m really hoping someone can help me with advice. I was extremely disappointed in the first ring my fiancé picked out and proposed to me with due to how uncomfortable it was (band was really bully). I know that being 20 years young and buying a ring is difficult due to finances… I ended up wearing it for a year and switched it to a new one that I love the design of but I still dislike how small the center stone is for my preference (.50ct). My fiancé and I didn’t discuss what I liked in a ring, nor did we go ring shopping or rarely discuss getting married. I see how big of a mistake that was now…
Here’s the entire predicament… We’re in college. We plan on waiting until we’re completely done with college to get married which will be next year and we will probably need at least 6–10 months to plan everything. I feel like I settled for less, and I deserve a better ring. I’m extremely disappointed with how small it is and my family is also. My mother said exclusively “I’m surprised how small it is that he couldn’t get you something better. You deserve much better *bee*!“ My fiancé’s mother kept telling me for the past year “Oh your ring is very expensive. Be careful with where you go with it”. Well, I found out my ring was only worth $1,000. His family is all about saving money. They don’t celebrate Xmas, birthdays, etc., nor do they buy each other gifts at all. But they have a lot of money!! My family is completely different, as we celebrate every birthday, and special occasions.
Now, my fiancé has a really good job and he very–well could have saved plenty of money for a nice ring for me.. But, no, he wanted to spend it all on himself besides taking me out to dinner every once in a while. For reference, he forgot valentines day 2 years in a row! He sometimes doesn’t get me gifts on my birthdays…which is kind of sad in a way because I’m sure most of you do.. I don’t feel appreciated. After I told him about the first ring, he said to me “I feel like I’ve invested enough money into your ring”. Remember, my ring was only $1,000!! Crazy huh?! I feel like his mother had an influence on the ring he picked. She was with him when they went shopping for it. I really think she talked him into not getting me a big ring, but a very small cheap one. Shes married, but doesn’t have anything but a wedding band..I can see why now..
My current ring is only a .50 ct center stone with a VERY small halo band.. I really wanted a 1.5ct RBC ideal cut halo. I know I can upgrade my diamond, but how do I ask him? What should I say? We can’t afford the ring I really want at this very moment, but once we’re done with school (next year) we already have jobs lined up, in which we can certainly afford a really nice ring then. I should say “It’s something we should keep in mind for next year”. But I feel like HE should want to give me a nice ring.. I feel like HE should ask if I’d like a bigger diamond. We already started saving up to get married/down payment on house/emergency $$. I would love to hear what you all have to say. Thank you, so much!
Post # 3
goodluck you brave, brave girl
Post # 4
@Dell79: Oh yeah…this is probably not going to go well. *ducks out before it starts!*
Post # 5
Thank you, ahh I don’t know what to tell him… I honestly am very upset about this. It’s been on my mind for the past year..
Post # 6
My personal opinion is if you want it, you have to be willing to get it yourself. He offered you what he did for his reasons (and if you must ask him, then ask him). But if you want the 1.5 RBC in a halo then YOU should pay for it, which means you need to get into your job and save up for it.
And yea, this could cause some drama, so watch out…
Post # 7
It’s not about the ring it’s about the relationship! If you want more bling then save and spend up on the wedding band. At your age you have so so much more to be thinking about than the size of your engagment ring I promise. xx
Post # 8
Honestly, my ring is 1/5 of a carat and was $324 for the band and ring. We are both in college, and trying to save for a home as well, so I am perfectly content on how much money was spent on my ring. I did tell him that I wanted an upgrade on our 10 year anniversary.
Your fiance seems to have grown up with no gifts, so maybe he expects that everyone was raised that way. If you want him to spend some on you for presents, tell him. $1,000 for him was probably very expensive in his mind, and I think you should be a bit more grateful.
Post # 9
How about you be grateful and buy yourself your own 1.5 ideal cut if you still want one that bad. I am generally not one to look down on upgrading, especially if you can’t afford the ring you want at the time HOWEVER your fiancé doesn’t want to upgrade and thinks he spend enough on your ring…. Therefore you be grateful and hush about it. Buy your own if you really want one. This is the type of man you are marrying. If you re not happy/ satisfied, return the ring and find someone who will buy a 1.5 ideal cut.
Post # 10
Hm. maybe you should focus more on your Fiance and why you love him, why he proprosed and why you said yes as opposed to obsessing about a ring and the size.
This post makes you sound very very shallow and very very young.
Yes, your Fi could spend more money, but who are you to say he should spend all of his money on you?
You really seem to want more “stuff” from your Fi, so why are with him if he is clearly not giving you what you “need”?
Post # 11
Communication is key!
Personally, I don’t think you should get married any time soon ( with the attitude and expectations you’ve established) and I also think you should tell your partner exactly what your telling us.
Post # 12
1/2 carat isn’t really small, especially with a halo. It sounds beautiful. Could we see a picture?
Have you priced your “dream ring”? Is it attainable now with your current incomes and budget? If not, it might be a good idea to wait a few years and upgrade for an upcoming anniversary – like 5 years or 10 years. Just an idea.
If your dream ring truly is within the budget and you want to ask your Fiance for an upgrade sooner, I’d be very careful in the way that you bring it up as to not seem unappreciative of the ring he did choose for you.
Post # 13
@google: I feel like he should though. It’s a gift for me. He misses my birthdays, x-mas, etc., and gets me a small ring. How would you feel about this situation?
@Blackie: I know, Blackie. But, as you can see it’s upsetting if your Fiance doesn’t appreciate you enough to buy you something you really love…
@meg.miles: I agree. But I am grateful that’s why I’ve never said anything about it. That’s why I never get upset when my birthday seems to go unnoticed. That’s why I don’t complain to him unlike his ex did. I’m very grateful to have him, but I see other girls in the same situation (in college), and they all received the ring they truly loved.. I didn’t and I feel like I deserve it.
Post # 14
WE CAN’T AFFORD THE RING I REALLY WANT.
Straight from the horse’s mouth. That’s why you have a .5 carat ring. If you wanted a bigger one, you should have put off getting the ring or getting engaged until he could have afforded it. I’m not sure telling him is going to change anything because neither of y’all can afford a 1.5 carat ideal cut upgrade (which will be ridiculously expensive, diamonds jump up crazy amounts in price the bigger they are…as in a .5 might cost a 1,000 and a 1 with the same stats might be 4x that).
Basically, you can’t have it right now because you’re in college and college kids are poor and poor college kids do not get 1.5 carat diamonds no matter what they “deserve.” Wait until you’re not a poor college kid before upgrading.
Post # 15
@MissPine: It’s very small because the halo is extremely thin to where you can’t barely see it’s even a halo. I have size 7.2 fingers, so a .50 ct looks extremely small on me. The diamond that I really want is priced between 4-6k. That’s not a lot for me.. Thats really cheap for me.
Post # 16
@Dizbee: Well, we kind of can afford it considering that we have already saved up money for a down payment on a house, emergency funds and we’re saving more every day. I’m not going to touch that money though. It’s for something more important, and I realize that.