(Closed) What to do if you don’t like your engagement ring?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Thats really really tricky.

I guess if i was in your shoes I would approch fiance and say that this ring is a really special symbol of your love, and while it’s gorgeous- you really don’t feel like it suits you. Explain that you’d like to have to have the two of you visit a jeweler and have it restyled so that it’s perfect like your relationship.

 

Post # 4
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would also speak about this with your fiance, and perhaps explain to him that it’s a wonderful ring and that you are very grateful that his parent bought it, but that it’s difficult for you to consider it an engagement ring since he had nothing to do with the purchase!

Tell him that every time they go on about how wonderful the ring is and why they chose it, you can’t help but feel that it has nothing to do with your relationship or your promise to marry, but that it’s becoming in your head a very nice souvenir from Costa Rica.

Perhaps this will make him realise that he should have chosen the ring himself in the first place. As you said you have very simple preferences, you can probably buy another one (together maybe?) without spending too much, and use the other ring as normal jewelry.

Post # 5
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Would you like it more if it was white gold? If so you could always get it rhodium plated by a jeweler and tell your fiance’s parents that you’re more comfortable with it that color as it matches your other jewelry (assuming that you wear silver/white gold jewelry)…. that way you could keep the setting & stone/s the same 🙂 less likely to hurt any feelings than a total reset/restyle of the e ring

Post # 7
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

his parents picked it out? was he there, or was it just them? that seems a little strange. if he picked it out and loved it, i would worry about hurting his feelings, but not if his parents did.

Post # 8
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

That’s a bummer. I second trying to get it rhodium plated…that would be a nice compromise. Could you post a pic for us to see? 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Lexsy: GREAT advice!

Usually when people come here explaining that they do not like their e-ring, they are met with responses like, “It’s the symbol of it that matters!” or “You should appreciate it as a thoughtful gift chosen by your FI” but… that doesn’t really apply here! Sure, your man asked for your hand in marriage, but he didn’t get that ring for you. It really has no significance related to him and the engagement between the two of you, as neither of you had anything to do with acquiring it.

And frankly, I agree with Kitzy. Cultural differences, whatever they may be, aside, I think it’s more than a little strange for his parents to completely pick out (and pay for? I’m assuming?) their son’s engagement ring. Well, I hope the discussion goes okay and that you end up with a ring that represents you and your FI!

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes, can we see it? If you like the stone(s) in teh e-ring then your solution is really simple, just have it reset in a few years. Just use an excuse that it was too big and banged into things all the time.

In the meanwhile pick out a wedding band that you love and can wear by itself.

Post # 11
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@TRM: I’m from Australia so not sure what the pricing would be like where you are! It’s something that pretty much any jeweler should be able to do though… I don’t think it would cost more than $200 in Aus? But it would be MUCH cheaper than a total reset I’m guessing

Post # 12
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TRM:  I’m not sure about rhodium plating a yellow gold ring…it might still come out with a yellow tinge.  🙁  Then it will look like…a pale yellow gold ring (which means not a very high gold content) or a very worn white gold ring (as if the rhodium has faded).  I assume they make white gold as white as possible with zinc/nickel because simply rhodium plating doesn’t get rid of all the yellow.  But I have honestly never asked. 

It costs less than $50 (usually) to get a white gold ring cleaned and re-rhodium plated, so I don’t see why it would be any more expensive than that.  The jeweler may caution you though and I would definitely take their advice into account.  Once you plate it, I doubt it will be possible to go back. 

Post # 13
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My FI proposed with his grandmother’s ring and we had it reset, repaired and rhodium plated and it looks gorgeous.  It’s the same ring underneath, with the exception of the setting holding the diamonds, and we were able to save the excess gold, but it was about $400 to do all of that.  Here’s the before: 

 

And the after: 

Post # 14
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh, and just to respond to the rhodium plating and reversibility.  The jeweler that rhodium plated mine (which you can see, looks just like white gold and doesn’t have a yellow tint to it) told me that you can always take it off later if you decide you like the yellow better. 

Post # 15
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@RingAroundtheRosie: Good to know!  I didn’t know if you had to like…file it off and then it would be tough to get around the prongs or what.  Perhaps its electroplated.  Neat!

Post # 16
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mewcakes: Yeah, I’m not sure how they do it!  I was surprised when she said they could easily remove it later… I guess it comes off over time anyway so… oh well.  Thank God there are people out there who know what they’re doing.  hahaha I’d be so lost!

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