Weddingbee boards

We are blending quite a large family of 7 children. They all mean the world to me. I am one of those crazy ladies that could have a bazillion kids and still be mostly sane. I am a wahm and try to be as involved as much as "allowed" by the other parents involved. Our oldest did live with us( no bio mom in the picture) and due to a behavior that has the potential to ruin his life his Dad moved him to his Grandmother's so that he could get individual attention and be in a smaller school environment. It has been a huge struggle for me because I love him dearly and feel like I am yet another woman that abandoned him even though it was beyond my control. Well anyway, I have our ceremony written to include vows to the kids and had planned to give the kids ID bracelets to represent our love for them individually because it is too easy to get lumped into "the family with 7 kids". Well because of his actions one of the other kids can't be there and now according to my fmil our son is mad at us and doesn't want to come. Do we plan on him not coming? Do we have our other child there and worry about him deciding to go? Do I just ditch the part of the ceremony that includes the kids if they aren't all going to be there? This is emotionally exhausting and I need some outside input. Thanks.