- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Hi fellow Bees. This is my first post here so please forgive me if I make any faux pas (though I thought I read the forum rules closely ). I need honest opinions here. All my girls have been so super supportive, but I need the honest truth from people who don’t just want to spare my feelings.
I am recently engaged (a month ago yesterday), and I couldn’t be more thrilled. My FI and I will have been together 6 years in April.
He took one of my best friends (and now bridesmaid) shopping at a local jewler which has very reputable reviews online (customer service wise, anyway) to assist with picking out a ring. They picked out a ring the first time they went shopping. It was a total surprise, which I adore him for. They picked out a 14k white gold 2.25mm wide band, with two small side stones (underneath the center stone), and a .47 carat diamond.
In the spirit of honesty let me say a few things at this point: 1) While it is a lovely ring, it is probably not what I personally would have picked out, but I would totally and completely proudly wear it if not for; 2) the band itself is too thick (read: deep). It rubs against the inside of my pinky webbing and has caused some bruising and, more importantly, 3) there is no documentation at all on the stone.
I feel like it’s important to mention that I work for a nonprofit and my background is in international human rights law and am very passionate about my work and beliefs. He is a PhD student, and so we don’t have a ton of extra cash laying around right now.
Fast forward to our first conversation about the ring the night of our engagement. A couple whirlwind hours after my delirious “YES!!!!!” I asked him about info on the ring and diamond. I think I phrased it as “Is this conflict free?” not even thinking about the words escaping my lips, at which point he sort of ho-hummed and said the jewler didn’t have documentation on it but that it was basically just missing the grading information and that it hadn’t been sent to “diamond university.” This made me feel really uneasy, but I knew the place he had bought the ring had positively glowing online reviews.
I tried to put it out of my mind, but every time I’m at work I can’t help but think about it. I’ve asked him a couple times for the small bit of unofficial documentation he does have re: diamond specs (even just knowing the origin and not diamond spec particulars would put my mind at ease), and he keeps saying he will give it to me, but has yet to produce it.
Meanwhile, the rubbing has made it quite apparent that something will at least need to be done about the band anyway. He was disappointed to learn even that, as he just wanted it to be right and hassle-free, but he said “well at least the stone will be the same.”
I did some investigating on my own and we are now outside the return policy window. Because money is tight I hate to ask for a new ring AND stone, but I can’t help feeling guilty about not having the info and being able to verify its origins. Admittedly, part of me is also angry that he would pull something like this; I know money is tight and I should be thankful to even have anything, but he knows how important international human rights are to me (I research war and conflict EVERY DAY!). Part of me can’t help but feel that he made the decision he did because it was easy and convenient (and possible cheaper) for him, but what I thought came secondary. He will be the first to admint that he dreads shopping of every sort, so please don’t think I’m judging too harshly here. But honestly, I can’t help but feel like he didn’t do his homework here and just wanted to get it over with. And honestly I would much rather have a manmade, synethic gem than something that makes me feel this uneasy. I think his heart was in the right place, but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. I’m even uncomfortable with the idea of selling it online and profitting from the sale and putting that money toward a new ring. If I did sell it I would want to donate the money to a charity that helps combat the very issues that I worry are associated with this ring. I know my FI will not understand this, given our financial situation.
So I guess what I’m asking is, 1) am I being too weird about this? How much does this stuff actually matter in the real “gem” world? Are my perceptions of this just totally off base? 2) Am I wrong in thinking that keeping silent will avoid a fight between us because it makes more work for him with his already very busy schedule? 3) I hear that at some point some people don’t even remember details about their ring, did anyone here find that to be true?
Any and all feedback (brutally honest) would be so much appreciated. I’m just not sure how I should feel about this.