What to do? SIL issue continued..

posted 2 weeks ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

moonviolet :  

I would go as you were invited. As much as you two seem to have bad blood at the moment you are all adults and should be able to act as such for easter pictures. Not to mention I remember you’re prior post and clearly your SIL is high strung and that isn’t going to change. People like her enjoy making other’s uncomfortable. So I would go, be civil and kill them with kindness. In the end if you do, you will make them look like a bunch of crazies.

Post # 4
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

moonviolet :  I agree with railroaderwifeyxo. You were invited and regardless of what’s going on with you and SIL, they are all your family too. Why should you let SIL run you out? Stand your ground, be kind, and if SIL wants to cause drama, she’ll be the one to look bad as long as you keep your cool. Make sure DH runs interference for you and keeps you calm. I know I would need mine to help me! Lol

Post # 5
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Stop forcing yourself on these poor people. You know she doesn’t know you’re coming and you know she wants space from you. Be the bigger person and give her space and celebrate Easter with just your nuclear family. 

Post # 6
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

Sancerre :  so OP should miss out on family events because IL is petty and juvinille and won’t discuss a child’s action with his mother? 

moonviolet :  go. Enjoy time with your aunt. If SIL wants to be a petulant child and refuse to be around you or your son, then she can be the one to leave. 

ETA: OP, I would give your aunt a heads up. You don’t have to go into detail, but a simple, just so you know, SIL and I have a tense relationship right now. That way your aunt isn’t blindsided.

Post # 7
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I honestly don’t think that’s forcing yourself on them. For all you know, if they find out you’re coming, they may not go. I’ve been in so many situations with crazy ass family like this where I thought I shouldn’t go even though I wanted to just because it would be awkward. The people I didn’t want to see wouldn’t even be there most of the time! They’re the ones with the problem, so they’re gonna have to deal. That’s just my opinion, but if you’re in anyway too uncomfortable or nervous, maybe you shouldn’t go so you don’t stress yourself out over it. 

Post # 8
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

moonviolet :  Do you want to go? If so, I want to say that you should go and kill her with kindness as PP have said. Realistically if I was in that situation, I probably would find some excuse and not go because I hate putting myself in awkward or tense situations, especially with family. You can act like an adult around her if you must, but that doesn’t mean you have to be around her if you feel it would make you really uncomfortable. 

Post # 9
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

I would go. If your SIL has decided that she needs space, I think it’s up to her to confirm that you won’t be there and be the one who stays home. It’s totally unreasonable for her to expect you to miss family events because she has a problem. 

I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to her though. I would just exist in the same space as her unless something forced an interaction, then I would use the kill her with kindness approach.

Post # 10
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m not a fan of kill them with kindness because that makes me think of someone being all in your face and trying too hard. It’s also not great for your wellbeing to do that if someone doesn’t like you but basic politeness isn’t difficult to maintain. I don’t think you should plan to start missing out on family events or losing connections to other relatives because of her. I’d give the aunt a heads up that there’s a bit of tension and a misunderstanding at the moment and then go to this and every other family event you can attend. I know it can be very isolating to have a child on the spectrum and losing connections to family because of a misunderstanding is ridiculous.

Post # 11
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Sancerre :  Why do you always accuse the OP of forcing herself on others? She isn’t forcing herself at all. She was INVITED to a family event. She’s here asking for advice because she’s worried about it turning ugly.  If you recall…this this the OPs husband’s family. There are obviously going to be times in the year when the family gets together – holidays being the most obvious.  Just because OP is invited to attend a holiday celebration does not mean she is forcing herself on anyone. 

moonviolet :  Go to the aunt’s house as you were invited.  This is your SIL’s problem, not yours.  There will be many family events in the future and SIL is going to have to get used to the fact that you’re part of the family and invited to attend. 

If anything turns “ugly”, it’s up to your DH to step in.  Just don’t engage her, and if she tries to act like nothing happened (not likely), be receptive to talking with her but make sure DH is around to ensure that the conversation remains appropriate.  Good luck. 

I’m sorry for you and your son that you have to deal with this woman’s childish attitude and pettiness.

 

Post # 12
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee

Sancerre :  I read the one other thread on this topic, thinking I missed some context, but nope. You immediately jumped down OP’s throat on that thread too. What’s the deal? What am I missing? We are only hearing one side of the story, but OP sounds pretty damn innocent. Are you her SIL? 

Post # 13
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

whitums :  You might be on to something.  She refers to them as “these poor people”.  Huh???

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