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Lillindy,
I'm sorry you are in this situation. I don't have much helpful advice, but I wanted to reach out and show support. I know for sure that I'd be angry if my sister planned her wedding in the same month as mine, whether we were close or not. Maybe it would help if you and your sister and some kind of mediator sat down and talked and got everything out in the open. Although it sounds like she's done a lot of wrong, spying on her might not help the situation. Maybe this is the perfect oppportunity to start over and get everyone's true feelings out on the table so that you can move on and have a happy wedding and future with both your husband and your family? In any case, good luck! I wish you the best!
I don't really understand why it is so important that they get married so they can live together just because of religious beliefs. If their church thinks that they can't live together before marriage, then they probably don't think too highly of divorce and also the fact that she is pregnant and not married - if they are having a baby, at this point who cares if they are married or live together or anything else? Why try to make appearances look good to the church if it is all a lie? I am thinking your sister is just a little jealous of you, and wants to make it about her. Regardless, it sounds like anything they plan is going to be a joke....family members don't want to attend, most of you have been lied to about everything, etc.; I think you should just look at the whole situation as nothing serious, no big deal. You know what your wedding means to you, and clearly your family supports you. I think you should all sit down, get your feelings out, and move on. I see a lot of posts about people being angry about wedding date similarities here - in the end, the only thing that matters is that you are married. Focus on that, have fun and enjoy the planning and your wedding day. As a side note, why is she in your wedding if you aren't at all close?
lillindy, that's annoying. something similar happened to me, but look at this objectively: even if she DOES have her wedding in the same month as you, is it likely to be as meaningful or thought out? is it likely to be as well planned and beautiful as yours? i'm thinking not. plus, everyone who will be at both weddings will know her situation, will know her boyfriend and know that their attendance at her wedding is pretty much a concession to her.
the whole thing is still a pain, but know that her sham wedding has no bearing on your ability to still have an amazing wedding day, week, month. try not to let her situation effect you so much. good luck.
Your sister sounds a little irrational, but try not to let her get you down. You've already decided that she isn't your MOH and for good reason, it sounds.
Just try to focus on your wedding and what it means: the beginning of the life you and your FI will share...and has not much to do with your sister or her choices.
Is she having her wedding in the same month really going to take that much away from yours, the girl who has been putting hers together for two years? Sounds like yours is going to be impressive anyway. Try to relax and enjoy your day! Best wishes :)
Wow, what a rough situation! If it's true that she's getting married only due to an unexpected pregnancy, then you really can't fault her for choosing her wedding date to be so soon. It sounds like she may be doing her best to cope with some really unfortunate circumstances. Imagine it from her perspective: She's pregnant and the father isn't her dream guy, her family already thinks her decision making abilities are a joke, she doesn't have the time to plan the perfect wedding because soon she won't fit in a wedding gown, AND her sister is planning a lovely wedding to the perfect guy with the full love and support of two families... if I were her, I might be a bit crushed, actually. I'm sure she didn't choose any of this with the intent to hurt you personally. If you open up to her in a kind way and offer your support to her and fiance and new baby, maybe she would relax a little bit and be more supportive and kind to you as well. I'm not saying you're in the wrong, just that it sounds like you have the upper hand here and by extending an olive branch it might make the next few months easier on both of you. Best wishes to you and your family!
Wow. Your sister sounds like a real piece of work. snmcdowell had some very kind, compassionate advice, but if you take that road and your sister doesn't respond in kind, don't take it personally. I know she's done some pretty messed up things (mainly the lying and talking about you behind your back) but honestly, I really don't think any of it has to do with you. From your description of her, it sounds like your sister has some serious problems. Whatever she does, with her wedding date, talking about you, whatever, don't retaliate in kind. Your actions will speak for you, and if you are gracious towards her everyone around you will know that. I also agree with some of the other bees that her wedding will not overshadow yours, so please don't worry about that. In the end, you can't control what she does--all you can do is take the high road, and remember, as others have said, that what really matters is your marriage, and even if she treats it like a joke that doesn't affect the seriousness of your relationship.
I couldn't quite tell if you ever actually agreed for her to be MOH--is your best girlfriend still MOH? If I were in your position, I don't think I would want someone who didn't support me to be my MOH. I don't think you would be unreasonable for asking her to step down, if you haven't already done so. Don't make that decision hastily--she's sure to take it badly and spread gossip about you because of it. But you also may regret having her be in the WP, especially at the expense of your best friend, if she's not already in it.
Good luck!
Demetrios.jpg (17 KB, 108 downloads) 2 years old 
My best friend is part of the wedding party, but I wanted to leave it as not having a MOH at all just to not step on anyone's toes. I was allowing my sister to be in the wedding party because it really meant a lot to my grandma and I was trying to do it as a kind gesture.
It is true that she has some serious problems, and people like my mom don't help because for some reason she can never do anything wrong in my mom's eyes and everything is always my fault. Funny considering I'm the daughter with her head on straight, about to get married to a good buy, buy a house, just graduated college, paying for my wedding myself, and and I am not in debt. Then, there is my sister, who went to a junior college for like a semester and has lied ever since saying she goes to school when she doesn't. She's marrying a loser, and he is up to her eyeballs in debt...debt she doesn't even pay so there are creditors calling for her on my house phone all day long.
Humm, it sounds a bit like your little sister might be a bit jealous of the great situation you have- a wonderful fiancee and a beautiful up coming wedding that everyone is excited about. While I would be just as annoyed and shocked at my sister, she has gotten herself into a rough situation, and she might need some support. Obviously, she is longing for your parent approval- via not telling anyone she is pregnant until after the wedding. So at this point, she might need someone to be on her side- or at least listen to her rationale. I am not saying that getting married to this bloke is the answer, but think about how in a few quick months you are going to be an Aunt. And I am sure being pregnant and single is a very scary thing. And I promise your wedding and marriage will still be amazing, maybe even better if you could set things right with your sister. Good luck.
So, so sorry to hear all of this. Your sister is a real piece of work to say the least. I don't really know what to tell you, because honestly, I don't think that there is a whole lot that you can do in this situation. This seems like it just needs to play itself out. Your sister seems determined to crash and burn because she is looking for something. I don't know if it's love, approval, or attention, but my suggestion to you is to be the "bigger person". You have been planning your wedding for almost two years, so I'm sure it's going to be spectacular - and your sister's shinanigans can't take away from that. You just graduated from college, and are buying a house! Those are major accomplishments that you need to revel in for YOURSELF! It doesn't matter if your sister is a serial screwup but your parents think the sun shines off her ass....look at everything you are doing with your life and what you are about to share with your FH! Don't invest too much time, energy or emotions into what your sister is doing. Be there as much as you can for her, but keep your focus on the amazing things getting ready to happen for you.
I don't know if this has any kind of truth behind it but your sister is pregnant which probably means she wants to get married before anyone knows she is pregnant. Therefore, she doens't have much time. Maybe she is getting married the same month as you so that she doesn't get married before you do. I don't know I just thought that she might be trying to do it in the same month as you but after yours so that she doesn't upset you. I'm sure you are frustrated with her as you have every righ to be but she is your sister no matter what so try to make up with her. Her bad choices aren't yours so just try to help and support her as much as you can hopefully she will change.
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Beekeeper
I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as I can. I'm not even sure where to begin actually. Last week my 22-year-old sister flashed me a ring given to her from her loser boyfriend of about 9 months. I asked her what it was and her response was "some people call this an engagement ring." All of my family has been asking her what the rush is and she hasn't really said anything. She also knows because her best friend and our family has been very vocal about not liking this guy and not long ago she said herself that this guy is a loser. My grandma even said she won't attend the wedding ceremony.
I personally got a funny feeling about the whole situation, so I did a little detective work. Apparently, my sister told my mom that she and her bf (I refuse to call him he FI) want to live together. However, because of the church they go to it's a big no-no. So, apparently, they want the wedding to be soon, very soon, like in 4 months...THE MONTH OF MY WEDDING. I'm like, why that month? I've been planning my wedding for almost 2 years now, and I've been with my FI for 5 years. It continues to get worse, however. Apparently, they are just waiting for me to move out so he can move in...talking about feeling like getting the boot. Of course, no one has actually had the nerve to tell me about any of this. I found this out through a message my mom sent to a friend and she said that it looks like she'll have 2 weddings in the same month. As more of this comes out I just have a gut instinct that something else is off...turns out my sister is also pregnant...baby is due in January. Of course, she has yet to tell any of my family! For some reason only his family is good enough to know about this. And apparently they are so excited and think it's such a great idea. She isn't going to tell anyone until after her wedding she says, although, she is in my wedding. It's like HELLO, your bridesmaid dress won't fit.
The way she does things is very interesting, and she can never be honest with anyone...literally EVER. About 3 years ago she married her bf secretly, his family attended, but none of my family knows until this day. I only found out because we were working out one day and I pulled my bag out of her trunk and found a marriage license. It was short lived and her divorce was finalized last year. So, basically here she goes again.
If she's gonna keep doing dumb stuff that's on her, but it's pretty irritating when she is taking MY wedding month from me, something I actually take seroiusly, unlike her and her marriages...acting like marriage is a game or something. I've worked so hard for so long and I can't believe she is doing this. And the fact that she has yet to say anything to me is pretty irritating considering the bridesmaid dresses have been ordered and paid for. Even still, at this point I don't really want her in my wedding or even attend my wedding for that matter. We barely speak at this point and really haven't for a while. Not only because of all of this, but also because she has been seriously badmouthing me and my wedding. She's been saying "I seriously sometimes don't want to be in her wedding just because of how evil she is dude...and mean..." and also "I don't want to even go to her stupid wedding..." She has also been making up stories about things I've supposedly done to her, but when she speaks to the people at her church she talks about how much she helps me out and how she is always hanging out with my doing wedding stuff. When in fact, she is hanging out with her bf, but the people at church don't know because she is keeping it a secret from them because of some inappropriate things that happened not long ago with her and he bf. Gosh, I could just go on and on.
Anyway, this all came from the girl who only months ago was fighting with me because I wanted my best gf to be the MOH, not my sister. I told her that we have never been super close, and it's my wedding and my choice. I just kind of left it as I didn't have a MOH, but she just kept calling herself the MOH even though I told her she wasn't and she doesn't help me doing anything wedding related. If anything she has been more of an annoyance becaue the world revolves around her and her schedule like when we were looking at bridesmaid dresses.
Sorry for such a long post, but I needed so badly to vent to people who could be more objective. I have no idea what to do with any of this.